You're Beside Me
by DatNookieThang
Summary: Now that Cookie and Anika are exclusive, Anika wants the world to know who she loves. Cookie isn't so sure that's a good idea.
1. Crown Royal on Ice

_Note: Read "Wax On, Wax Off" by QueenJessicaPearson before this because it's funny as shit and there's a reference from that story in this one._

* * *

"Anika came to see me this morning." Before Jamal even went to his mother's house, he always checked the studio first. Chances were that Cookie would be there even before she would be at her house. Even as the CEO of Lyon Dynasty, Cookie was most comfortable in the studio. Music was her passion. Everything else was just noise.

"What did my soon-to-be-ex-CFO do now?" Cookie asked, not looking up from the soundboard. Anika's employment was a running joke at Dynasty. Cookie couldn't have fired Anika even if she wanted to. Before coming back to Lyon Dynasty before what had to be the hundredth time, Anika made it clear that she wanted a contract that would shield her from Cookie's temperamental hire-and-fire moods. She also wanted to be head of A&R.

"Tell that yellow bitch to kiss my ass," was Cookie's reply when Porsha handed her Anika's fax.

After a string of disastrous choices had not only threatened the future of Dynasty but their safety as well, Cookie had to admit that she didn't know what she was doing. Having an ear for music wasn't the same as running a company, nor was street smarts an exchange for a master's degree in business and years of A&R experience under one's belt. The bitter negotiations went on for nearly three weeks. When the dust cleared, Anika had signed for much less money than she was asking for, but a much higher position: she was now Lyon Dynasty's CFO.

Anika also had the unusual clause that while Cookie couldn't fire her without just cause, she was free to quit at any time for any reason and still have her contract paid out. Cookie hit the roof, but Andre, who still worked for his father at Empire, encouraged her to agree. _"All Anika wants to do is work and prove herself,"_ he counseled his mother privately. _"She's not going to quit unless you put a gun to her head."_

"Anika wanted to talk to me about coming out." Jamal handed his mother a bottle of water. "She said you told her to talk to me."

"I figured if anyone could tell her all about it, it was you." Cookie knew this conversation was coming, and she wasn't looking forward to it. "What'd you tell her?" she asked, making a big ceremony out of clearing the coffee table for Jamal to set the food down.

Jamal sat on the couch and began to pull the food out of the bags. "The truth. How the press is going to be up her ass 24/7, how they're going to dig up every ex-boyfriend in her past, how she'll have to be on every front cover of every gay magazine and at every gay function, and she'll be considered a sellout and a traitor if she doesn't. What did you tell her?"

"Same stuff I told you. Be yourself, be proud, blah blah blah." Cookie had known all his life that Jamal was gay. She probably knew even before Jamal did. "If Anika wants to put that label on herself, that's her business. She's the best damn A&R since me. She can do whatever she wants to in her private life."

Jamal didn't say anything for a while. Cookie's words were too rushed and too impersonal to be real. They sounded like a speech, as if she'd been practicing it over and over and was just waiting for a chance to perform it. "Wow," he finally said when he digested his mother's words. "No wonder she was crying when she came to see me."

"What? Why?" Cookie joined Jamal on the couch, scooping up a carton of shrimp fried rice. "I told Anika wants to come out, fine."

"Even if Anika outs you when she outs herself?" Jamal asked gently.

" _This is the biggest night of my life, Anika! Of_ _ **our**_ _lives! You've worked just as hard as I have. I want you sitting next to me if they call my name."_

" _Just as long as I'm not sitting next you as your girlfriend, right? As your partner, your CFO, your friend – all of those things are okay. But not the woman you're dating. Right?"_

" _Kitten, it's not like that-"_

" _Yes, it is! You're as selfish as you've always been, Cookie! I don't know why I'm surprised anymore."_

For so long, Cookie pushed and pushed Jamal to come out of the closet. But Jamal was gay-with-a-capital G. Cookie had been the wife of Lucious Lyon or the ex-wife of Lucious Lyon for most of her life. Cookie slammed her food down, too upset to eat. "Why does she have to make this so hard? I just want to go to the damn Grammys and watch my sons perform. Just go to the damn Grammys."

"With your girlfriend," Jamal finished sympathetically.

Cookie sighed. God, it was all so complicated. "Yeah, Jamal," she finally conceded, for the first time ever. "With my girlfriend."

* * *

When Creedmoor Records folded, a wealth of A-list artists were suddenly free be signed. The question of which artists would go back to Empire and which ones would go elsewhere all boiled down to which artists hated Lucious Lyon. As it turned out, most of them hated Lucious. Dynasty went from having a handful of artists with potential to dozens of artists pounding on their door, even willing to be paid much less than they'd been paid at Empire or Creedmoor.

The amount of work was overwhelming. Cookie couldn't imagine how many ways she would have botched things. Anika, who had assembled a small team of young and hungry financial geniuses, had everything under control. She refused to allow them to handle contract negotiations, though. Only she or Cookie was allowed to do that.

Cookie happened to be at Anika's apartment on the night of what would have been her 31st anniversary when an old Donny Hathaway song took Cookie back to that run-down rat hole in west Philadelphia. She was 17 and Lucious was 18, and Cookie was ready to throw in the towel on their marriage after Lucious spent all their rent money on a sitar. Lucious babbled to her about what a bargain it was and the sounds it could make and how it was nothing like playing a guitar, but all Cookie could think about was how it was so cold that Andre had to sleep between Lucious and Cookie so their body heat could keep him warm.

But then Lucious played her a song and Cookie had to admit it was beautiful, and where in the blue fuck did he learn how to play the goddamned sitar? God, there were days Cookie wanted to go back to that so bad. Back to that misery and crippling poverty and Lucious's strong arms, telling her everything would be okay and he would love her for the rest of her life...

"O-kay. Good night, Mr. Hathaway." Anika stood and stretched her legs, which had grown stiff, and flipped off her stereo . "Work's over." She was just as familiar with the date as Cookie was; Lucious had proposed to her on the same night after all. It saddened Anika, the date on the calendar, but compared to what Cookie had gone through, Anika knew she had no right to cry. Certainly not in front of Cookie. "Dry up, Cookie. We're gonna get you high."

Wiping her eyes, Cookie remembered why what she wanted so badly could never be. The Lucious Cookie loved no longer existed. Hell, the Lucious Anika loved didn't even exist. That's why they were in Anika's apartment together at almost midnight on a Friday evening, sorting through potential artists and new acts.

One of the artists who came to Lyon Dynasty was, of all people, Kid Fo-Fo. He'd had some epiphany about God and love and bitches, and his apology to Cookie was so sincere and heartfelt that Cookie signed him to a one-record deal. Fo-Fo, in appreciation, sent Cookie a flower basket full of Crown Royal and marijuana edibles. At the very bottom of the basket was a bag of what Cookie already knew was the most potent weed in all of New York. Cookie had to smile. This dumb motherfucker kept it _extra_ real.

Cookie gratefully accepted the glass of Crown Royal on ice that Anika poured for her. Anika didn't do drugs any more than Cookie did, but she wasn't one to let a perfectly good helping of free weed go by. "You know I have a drug policy, right?" Cookie asked, noticing how Anika's tongue expertly ran across the basket's enclosed rolling papers.

The hypocrisy of an ex-dealer being anti-drug was not lost of either of them. "Yes, and I respect it every day I'm at the Dynasty building." Anika flipped her iPod until she came to the music she was looking for. Donny Hathaway was great for a good cry, but Anika needed some music to get high to. "Ah, here we go."

"Isley Brothers," Cookie said appreciatively once she heard Ron Isley's distinctive vocals. The music lacked Ernie Isley's trademark Stratocaster guitar, but it figured that Boo Boo Kitty's young ass would only know their newer "Mr. Biggs" music, rather than the classic tunes that got people dancing and making love. Still, the song she was playing was pretty good. "What's this song called?"

"'Speechless'. It's off the _Life_ soundtrack." Without her classic pearls-and-heels look and her hair falling in her eyes, Anika could've easily passed for a soft stud on any ghetto stoop. Short hair, white tank top with no bra, Adidas sweatpants, a blunt in one hand, a glass of Crown by her side - straight from the bottle, no ice - and her legs spread wide like she was about to start oiling her girlfriend's scalp as she hunched back over her laptop.

"It's nice." Cookie sat back and sipped on her whiskey while Anika smoked and continued to work on the roster and the budgets. "How can you work and be high?" Cookie asked out of nowhere.

"I'm not high. A little buzzed, though." Anika's screen was filled with squiggly red lines, and her American accent was beginning to fade.

Cookie laughed. "So am I. And there's still so much to do."

"Like what?"

"The budgets. The roster. And I gotta go over the playlist for the Christmas Cookout." Cookie's Cookout had secured its biggest venue yet. and nearly every A-list performer on Dynasty was slated to perform. Anika handled the financial end, while Cookie covered the music. "And we gotta get your twerk game tight. Can't have you out at the Cookout all stiff and shit."

"Oh, my God." Anika shook her head, laughing. It wasn't a painful memory anymore. "How many times do I have to tell your ignorant ass that it was a _wine_? It's hard to do in a skirt. Much easier to do in clothes like this." She gestured to her sweatpants, then went right back to her typing without missing a beat.

The clicking of the keys was hypnotizing, and the liquor was starting to kick in. Cookie couldn't stop looking at Anika's lips as they wrapped around the joint she was smoking. "Do it," Cookie said without thinking.

"Do what?"

"Wine for me."

The typing stopped. Anika wasn't one to back down from a challenge, and Cookie had just thrown down the gauntlet. Her island pride was at stake here. "Don't ever say I didn't do anything for you." Anika stood and powered down her laptop, took another hit of her blunt and drained her glass. "But I need a better song."

Cookie didn't know how long it took for Anika to flip through her iPod because she was getting tipsier by the second. But Cookie sobered up the second that fluttering ride cymbal filled the air, then that deep, long timpani roll that sounded like thunder. She looked over to Anika and found her bent at the waist, slowly sliding her pants down her legs. Their eyes caught, and Anika held Cookie's gaze as she stood back up as the music continued to play. Cookie was wrong. Anika _did_ know the old-school Isley joints, and "Sensuality" was arguably the sexiest song the Brothers ever made.

Underneath Anika's sweats was a pair of shorts so tiny that Cookie couldn't tell if they were boy shorts or underwear. The missing bottoms called attention to the firmness of Anika's stomach and the lack of fat on her body. Cookie wasn't sure if she could call herself bisexual. She'd had no interest in women before prison, and no interest in them now that men were available to her again. Either way, Anika had never been Cookie's type. Too scrawny, too light-skinned, too young and _far_ too many Lyon men up in her pussy. But _oh_ , that night, with Anika's body flowing like water to the slow, sexy music in the background, Cookie was mesmerized. Mimi would've signed over her life to Anika had she witnessed Anika's hips and thighs moving so smoothly, all the way down to the ground with her arms over her head, then back up again.

Anyone looking inside Anika's apartment that night would think that Cookie was bored watching Anika. Cookie merely sat back and watched as she sipped her alcohol, as if she was at a strip club. Her face revealed nothing about her thoughts. But Anika had been working with Cookie long enough to know her idiosyncrasies. Cookie was naturally animated by nature, and right now her body was still. Too still. Cookie was trying so hard to appear nonchalant that she wasn't even breathing.

By the time Anika reached back for the blunt and straddled Cookie's lap she could feel Cookie's body shaking, even though she was doing everything she could to make herself stop. "Open your mouth," she ordered.

"What?"

"Like I said, you're getting high tonight. Open your mouth, Cookie." Anika was calling the shots now.

Taking a deep hit off her blunt and filling her mouth with smoke, Anika leaned in so close to Cookie that their breasts pressed against each other. As Anika's lips formed a perfect O shape, Cookie instinctively inhaled as Anika exhaled slowly, their mouths not even an inch apart. It was the first breath Cookie took in nearly two minutes. "Not bad," Anika admired as Cookie exhaled. "How do you feel?"

Cookie was too focused on Anika's lips to answer. She was so used to Anika's trademark red lipstick that the natural color of Anika's lips fascinated her. They looked so soft and pink that Cookie had to touch them. Anika closed her eyes as the sensations of Cookie's fingers dragging across her lips over and over quickened her own heartbeat. When Cookie finally stopped, Anika pursed her lips out, kissing Cookie's fingertips, and her eyes urged Cookie to keep going.

Cookie's hand left Anika's mouth and traced her throat, then her collarbone, and finally down to her breasts. Just like before, Cookie's fingertips circled her nipples until they poked through her shirt. Cookie reached down and pulled Anika's shirt up past her breasts. Anika lifted her arms over her head, and Cookie was able to remove the shirt completely, tossing it to the side.

Again, Cookie was riveted with how Anika's breasts, nipples and areolas were practically the same color. Anika moaned when Cookie began to trace the tiny, sensitive nubs of flesh, then tilted her head back and sucked her breath in when Cookie replaced her fingers with her lips and tongue. They followed the same path as Cookie's fingers had just followed, only in reverse: breasts, clavicle, throat, chin, and finally - _finally_ \- that full, luscious, pouty pink mouth.

What was happening between Cookie and Anika wasn't drug-induced or alcohol-induced. It was the result of over a year's worth of tension between them, which had been caused and cultivated by Lucious Lyon. How Anika managed to get Cookie into her bedroom was anybody's guess, but Anika's longing for Cookie was stronger than her high.

Anika wanted to go down on Cookie because it was her anniversary. Cookie wanted to go down on Anika because she'd treated the poor girl so horribly for so long. Cookie won. "If it's my anniversary," Cookie reasoned, "then I want you for my gift." How could Anika argue with that? She'd once been the biggest pain in Cookie Lyon's ass. Now she was a gift.

Anika's thighs were wet with spit and cum as she grinded against Cookie's face – no longer on beat, Cookie thought smugly from below. By then, the Isleys were deep in their psychedelic phase on Anika's stereo. Anika's cries of pleasure were drowned out by screaming guitars and deep, pulsating kick drums, but just barely.

* * *

They could blame last night on the drugs and the alcohol. Better yet, they could pretend that that the shit never happened. That was Cookie's plan when she woke up in a bed smelling of Chanel and Jean Patou and weed and sex. She took her time showering and dressing and gargling. Cookie might have eaten Anika's pussy and taken a pair of her clean underwear, but she'd be damned if she was going to use Anika's toothbrush.

Anika was wearing nothing but a pair of panties when Cookie finally came out of her bedroom. Cookie didn't even asking for a cup of coffee as she began gathering her things quietly. "Cookie, are we gonna talk about this or pretend it never happened?" Anika asked, doing that creepy touch typing thing that Cookie hated so much, where she could talk to Cookie without looking at the keyboard or the screen.

"It's up to you." Cookie wanted so badly to pretend that she didn't care, but she did, and Anika knew she did. Why Cookie kept this tough girl act up, Anika just didn't know.

"Good." Anika walked over to Cookie, draped her arms around her shoulders and kissed her deeply. It wasn't the passionate, cum-fuck-me kind of kisses from the night before. This one was soft and sweet. "Don't go, Cookie," she cooed, her lips brushing against Cookie's ear. "Not yet."

Cookie thought of Laz just then. "Anika..."

"Shh." Anika pressed two fingers against Cookie's lips, which Cookie kissed in return. "Hate me later, okay?" Anika began kissing Cookie on her neck, running her hands up her shirt. "But let me taste you. Just once." Anika had wanted to return the favor the night before, but Cookie's prison pussy tricks had knocked her out. Now it was time to put 13 years of all-girls' boarding school to the test.

"Oh, my goodness...what in the world... _oooh_...what are you doing, Boo Boo Kitty?" Cookie was trying – and failing – to be as neutral as ever while Anika was slipping her hands down Cookie's yoga pants.

"I'm about to eat breakfast," Anika answered cutely. "I hear it's the most important...Cookie, are these my panties?"

"Charge 'em to the game," Cookie suggested.

"Keep 'em." Anika laughed as she knelt down. Bringing her head up, Anika began to lick Cookie through the fabric of her underwear. "Oh, my God," Cookie whispered. Anika begged Cookie to have her one time, but Cookie was wondering if she was up for another weekend-long fuck-a-thon. At least she had all her work with her. _"Ohhh, my God..."_

"You might wanna take a seat for this, old woman. Don't want you to have a heart attack." Anika dragged Cookie to her couch while they kissed. Anika tugged stubbornly at Cookie's shirt when it didn't come off fast enough. "Cookie, where in the world is your bra?"

"Keep it," Cookie replied, and they both giggled.

"Oh, I will. Now, where was I?" Anika peppered Cookie's breasts, stomach and thighs with kisses as Cookie's panties – Anika's panties, really – were tossed over her shoulder. Then Anika looked up and stopped. She sat back on her haunches, just staring for a second. And then Anika began to laugh. _Hard._

"What?" Cookie asked. Anika was beginning to make her uncomfortable. She would try to hold back, but it just made it worse. "What?" Cookie asked again, pulling up her pants. Then it hit her. Last night, Anika and Cookie were tipsy and high and in the dark. Now they were stone sober in the light.

After getting used to seeing herself naked in the mirror, Cookie thought she looked damned good, especially for a woman with three kids and nearly two decades in prison. Her stomach was flat, her waist was small, her skin was smooth and clear, and she still had the best ass on the planet. But with Anika laughing so hard that she couldn't even stand up, Cookie couldn't have felt more hideous than she did right then. "Cookie, wait. Wait! _"_ Anika tried to get up, but she was laughing too hard to do so. She tried to grab Cookie's ankle instead.

"Let me go!" Cookie narrowly missed Anika's head as she kicked away from Anika's grip. "Get off me, bitch!"

 _"Hey!"_ Anika scrambled to her feet. "Stop it! It's not what you think!" She narrowly beat Cookie to the door, putting her body between herself and Cookie's escape. "Stop. Calm down, Cookie." Anika took Cookie's hands and squeezed them. "Cookie...Cookie..." She kissed Cookie's lips over and over and over, saying her name with every kiss until Cookie stopped shaking with rage. "It's just that you're still waxing, that's all," Anika explained. "I swear, that's all it is."

"Oh." With some mental fuckery, Anika had convinced Cookie to get a Brazilian wax, slyly dropping that Lucious loved them. Watching Cookie waddle around Empire for days on end trying not to grab at her crotch was the highlight of Anika's entire adult life. Cookie spent days contemplating murder, suicide or both. Strangely, Cookie found that she liked the feeling once the uncomfortableness finally went away. Unlike Anika, who was completely bald, Cookie sported a landing strip - a dead giveaway of her regular trips to the salon.

"I thought...because..." Cookie gestured to her body. The dimpled thighs, the stretch marked stomach, the implants - which Cookie had redone when she got out of prison because the first surgery was so botched - were all things that made Cookie self-conscious. Standing next to a woman as perfect-looking at Anika didn't help.

"Oh, Cookie." Anika wrapped her arms around Cookie's waist. She'd noticed the stretch marks, of course, and Anika knew Cookie had breast enhancements. But like Laz and Malcolm and Lucious before her, Anika couldn't have cared less, not with those beautiful eyes, those sexy lips and that absolutely perfect ass. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." She wiped away a few stray tears that had fallen down Cookie's cheek. "You forgive me, baby?"

"Mmmm...I dunno," Cookie pouted, but she was smiling. "You hurt my feelings, Boo Boo Kitty."

"Then I guess I'll have to work hard for you to forgive me." There was only one way for Anika to atone for her sins and be exonerated – on her knees, with her face tilted towards heaven. "Forgive me, baby?" she murmured, running her tongue back and forth, back and forth across Cookie's nerve-rich center. "Pleeeease?"

"Oh, my God...ohhhh, my _God_...yes! _Yes!"_

* * *

Even though Cookie and Anika weren't in a relationship – it was just a sex thing back then - Cookie felt the need to break it to Hakeem that she was now seeing his former lover, who was also his father's former lover. "I'm not asking you for your blessing," she clarified when Hakeem nearly hit the ceiling at the news. "I just felt like you should hear it from me first. I wouldn't want you to find out some other way."

"First Dad, then me, now you!?" Hakeem spat. "When is Andre gonna get a turn? Is Jamal next?" Hakeem had never loved Anika – hell, he barely liked her most of the time – but this felt like betrayal.

Cookie might have let that kind of comment slide back in the day, but now Hakeem's words bugged the hell out of her, and she didn't know why. Since she couldn't put it into words, Cookie slapped Hakeem so hard that he decided Anika being his almost-stepmother again wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

They swore that they would be discreet, and they were. But even though Cookie and Anika were completely professional at work – no lunchtime cookie, no sexting during meetings, no extended breaks behind closed doors - they still couldn't keep it a secret. When Cookie once told Hakeem that she felt like she was in the closet, Hakeem laughed so hard at his mother's words that he slumped to the floor.

"Who's in the closet?" Jamal asked. He was going back to Empire, where he was still signed, but he still stopped by to see his family regularly.

"She thinks her and Anika are in the closet," Hakeem choked out between guffaws.

" _Hakeem!"_ Cookie said, furious with her youngest son for running his mouth.

"Wait, y'all are in the closet?" Jamal asked. He looked genuinely bewildered. "Really? 'Cause everybody knows what's up. Hell, I know what's up and I don't even work here."

" _Hakeem!"_

"Hey, don't look at me." Hakeem shrugged. "It's not my fault that it's all over your faces. I didn't think you guys even know what a closet what."

"Yeah, unless y'all are gettin' busy in one," Jamal joked slyly as they made their way to the boardroom for a monthly meeting.

"Boy, watch your mouth!" Cookie slapped at Jamal, but missed as he ducked behind his younger brother, who was laughing his head off. Hakeem stopped being bitter a long time ago.

"You think you two are really hiding something, huh? I'ma show you you're wrong." Jamal half-walked, half-jogged down the hallway. "Don't believe me just watch...don't believe me, just watch..." he sang.

"What the hell is he doing? _What the hell are you doing?"_ Cookie tried to chase her Jamal down the hallway, but Jamal was too far ahead, plus he wasn't in three-inch heels. "Excuse me!" he announced as the Dynasty employees took their seats in their boardroom-slash-auditorium-slash-cafeteria, which was nothing but a huge loft with some chairs. Unlike Empire, all LD employees were welcome to sit in meetings, and many did. "Can I have your attention please! Hey, turn that down!"

"Jamal!" Cookie hissed, grabbing at Jamal's arm. "What-are-you- _doing_!?" Everyone else was thinking the same thing. Why was an Empire artist coming to an LD meeting?

Jamal ignored his mother. "Guys, I have a question, and I need your help." He wrapped an arm around Cookie and grinned. "Everyone in this room who knew that Anika and my mom were seeing each other before today, raise your hands. Be honest, now."

Only Porsha rose her hand, but the looks on nearly every face in the room told the whole story. "Y'all some lyin' muhfuckas," Porsha said, shaking her head. Not only had everyone known that Cookie and Anika were dating, they were relieved when it finally happened. _"Pussy seems to calm ya mama down,"_ Kid Fo-Fo once commented to Hakeem. _"No offense to ya mama."_

Cookie could've died, but she had to get the truth out in the air for good. "Okay, okay. Let's keep it one hunnit," she said, her cheeks flaming. "If anybody here knew about me and Anika before now for _real_ , raise your hands."

One by one, hands began to go skyward, including Hakeem and Jamal's. Kid Fo-Fo raised both his hands.

All Cookie could do was put her head in her hands as the LD family applauded loudly. The cheers turned into a full-blown roar when Anika walked into the room. "What's going on?" she asked, looking around at the happy faces. "What happened? We win something?"

Cookie looked up then, and smiled. "Come here, baby," she said, with a voice so full of love and longing that it told the whole story. This wasn't just a sex thing. Not anymore. "Come sit next to me."

* * *

"Do you have any idea how much your support meant to me when I came out?" Jamal asked, cutting into Cookie's thoughts. "I could've done it without you, but knowing that you loved me and had my back made all the difference on some days. Sometimes, that's all I had to get me through."

"How many times do I have to say this? I don't _care_." Cookie was being honest about that much. She really didn't care at all if they called her gay or bisexual or anything else. But Anika..."I'm old. They can put whatever label they want on me. If outing me makes Anika feel better, fine." Cookie stabbed at her rice so furiously that she nearly punched a hole in the carton.

"She wants your support, Mom."

"I told her she can do whatever she wants. What does she want me to do? Drop to one knee on the red carpet tomorrow night and propose?"

"You told Anika that you don't care." Jamal shook his head. "There's a difference between 'I support you in what you're doing' and 'I don't care what you do.'"

Jamal's words hit home. "I don't care" was what Cookie's mother said when she signed the paperwork that allowed Cookie to marry Lucious when she was just 15. And as it turned out, her mother really hadn't cared. Even though Cookie was just shy of 16 when Andre was born, Cookie's mother did not give one coke-dealing fuck about whether Cookie was afraid, or sick, or cold or scared. Meanwhile, it pained Cookie to think of Anika crying in front of Jamal.

"It's not as complicated as you're making it out to be," Jamal reasoned. "You just said that you don't care if they label you or not. So let them label you. Tomorrow night, you're going to the Grammys with your girlfriend. And your girl wants to come out, and you don't mind if she does, what's the problem?"

"I can't explain it, Jamal. Just..." The thought of Anika having a label on her filled Cookie with dread for reasons she couldn't put her finger on. "I'm sorry," Cookie said, cutting the conversation short. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay, Ma. I gotta get out of here anyway." Jamal rose and kissed his mother on the cheek. "Gotta get some last minute stuff done before tomorrow."

"Thank you, Jamal. For the food and everything. Look, baby..." Cookie took her son by the hand. "No matter what happens tomorrow, remember that I love you. And I'm so proud of you. Five nominations..." Cookie began to choke up. "I don't care what label you're on, baby. I'll be rooting for you."

"Even against yourself?" Jamal asked incredulously. The two of them were pitted against each other for both Record of the Year – Jamal as a performer, Cookie as a producer - and Song of the Year, both as songwriters.

"Even against myself." Cookie said, smiling sadly. "You know I want what's best for you boys, even if it's at my own expense. I spent 17 years of my life proving that."

Jamal shook his head. "Ma, you're a terrible liar." The two of them burst out laughing. This was a woman who didn't let her son win in as much as a game of checkers when he was a little boy. That's what he loved so much about Cookie. He stuck out his hand, gesturing to the rest of the food with the other. "Eat, drink and be merry..."

"...for tomorrow, we war." Cookie shook her son's hand, then pulled him in for an embrace. 14 Lyon Dynasty nominations against Empire's 15. Tomorrow night was going to be a bloodbath. And Cookie wanted a massacre, no matter where her son was signed.

TBC


	2. Rise and Fly

_Note: The " **THIS** -is **HOW** -you **GET** - **SET**!" moment comes straight from Grace Gealey's Instagram page. Check it out if you can find it. _

* * *

The issue of Cookie making her relationship with Anika an exclusive one started with Cookie's younger sister. Carol swung by one day to check out Lyon Dynasty and hang out with Cookie. Anika smiled and chatted with Carol, but was a little hurt when Cookie didn't invite Anika to join them for lunch. _Oh, well_ , Anika thought. _Maybe they had family issues to discuss_. Anika told herself that, but she didn't believe it.

Before Carol left, she asked an innocent question as she was leaving the building: how come Cookie didn't come to the weekly house parties anymore? Cookie wasn't able to make them every week, but she was a regular up until a few months ago. "We ain't seen your butt in months," Carol chided her older sister.

"Sorry, Carol. I got so much work to do on the weekends," Cookie explained. "Tell everybody I said hey, okay?"

 _Is she serious?_ Anika thought. The bulk of the work at this point was handled by the employees lower on the roster. Cookie only handled music now, while Anika stuck with contracts and other money issues. Sure, they were busy, but not _that_ busy. The two of them spent their weekends relaxing most of the time, cuddling and watching movies and making love. "Are you ashamed of me, Cookie?" Anika asked once Carol left. "Are you ashamed of _us_?"

"What?" Cookie asked irritably, reaching for Anika's hand. "What are you talking about? Everybody knows we're together."

"Everybody _here_ knows we're together, Cookie." Now Anika knew why Cookie hadn't invited her to lunch. "You haven't even told your sisters about me, have you?"

No, Cookie hadn't told Carol or Candace. She couldn't imagine what Carol was going to think, but she knew full well what Candace was going to say. "Look, Anika. You ain't missing nothing. I'm telling you. Just a bunch of old-ass black folks playing spades and listening to old-ass music on a old-ass record player. You wouldn't have a good time, anyway."

Anika jerked her hand away from Cookie's "How do you know whether I would have a good time or not?"

"Because my family isn't full of doctors and debutantes and Empire executives! We _mad_ niggerish!" Cookie sat down behind her desk heavily. "Shit, I was considered the bougie one because I got married, and I was 15 and pregnant." Cookie gave a sharp, bitter laugh. "Plus they all got a bunch of kids and shit, so-"

"So you hide me from your family for the _children_?" Anika couldn't believe what she was hearing, not from the mother of a gay son.

"No! Are you listening to me? I can't jump up and fight every time somebody calls me or you a dyke – and trust me, Anika, my people _will_ call you a dyke to your face."

"Oh, so you're going to let them talk to me like that?" Anika demanded, sounding much like Cookie when the once-departed Kid Fo-Fo had called Cookie out of her name.

"I can't set everybody straight, Anika! They're my _family_!"

"Yeah, and I'm your girlfriend!" Anika's voice rose, and she found to calm herself, but she couldn't. "I'm not just some young bitch you get high with and screw every weekend!"

"I never said you were!" Cookie yelled back, but Anika noticed how Cookie winced at the word _girlfriend_ , even though they'd been together now for almost a month. Anika fought to keep from crying. If _her_ family was having a gathering, Anika would certainly invite Cookie – or she would if her parents were speaking to her. Anika's parents weren't homophobic in the traditional sense, but it seemed like Dr. Stanley Calhoun's daughter wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend.

It was easy for Cookie to take her family for granted because they hadn't disowned her. "You're going to see your family this weekend, Cookie. We're not that busy and you know it." Anika gritted her teeth before she gave her last order, knowing full well that Cookie was going to hit the roof. "And I'm coming with you."

"Or what?" Cookie snorted. She'd be damned if she was going to be threatened, especially not by Boo Boo Kitty here. "What you gon' do if I say no?"

"I'ma buy you a VIP discount for the Duracell company. That's what."

Anika had already left the room before Cookie finally understood what Anika was saying. She threw her office door open and found Anika halfway down the hall. "You think you can threaten me with sex just 'cause I don't wanna go to some party in goddamn Philly?" she yelled, oblivious to all the people in the building.

Anika spun around. "Try me, Cookie!" she yelled back. "I _dare_ you!"

Anika shoved her way through the crowd who had gathered at the end of the hall - a crowd that included Hakeem, Jamal, Andre, and Lucious. Lucious had come to take Hakeem out to lunch with his brothers. He meant to invite Cookie, but the look on her face told Lucious that this wasn't the time to make such a gesture. "So...you taking Anika to Philly this weekend?" he asked with his traditional smarmy grin.

" _Shut up, Lucious!"_ Cookie shouted, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

The drive from New York to Philly was a quiet one, with the only amusing moment occurring when Cookie offered to drive on the way back. Anika laughed outright. Cookie had just gotten her license at the same time Anika got her new Mercedes – a month ago. "You're lucky I'm letting you ride in this thing."

Cookie pulled her out her iPhone and her headphones, signaling that she didn't want to talk. She wasn't listening to anything, though, and she swiped her screen at random. This was going to be a disaster. Cookie just knew it. Anika didn't even know how to dress for a house party, much less how to act at one. She came out of her bedroom wearing her traditional heels and a dress that would've been just fine for an Empire soiree, but not for a house party in the hood. "You ain't got no jeans? Or a regular blouse?"

Anika had jeans, but they looked so expensive that she actually looked more down-to-earth in the dress. She also wore a pair of boots that could've covered the rent in any Philadelphia ghetto. "I don't have any sneakers, Cookie, other than the ones I wear when I run," Anika insisted. She refused to put them on, much to Cookie's irrigation.

Glancing over at Anika as she drove, Cookie really began to understand the difference between being rich, as she was, and being wealthy, as Anika was. Anika had come from money. She'd been to the world's finest schools and received a top-notch education. Andre was just as educated, but his manners and behavior were learned. He would never be mistaken for being wealthy, while Anika wore her wealth like a second skin. Likewise, while Andre would fit in just fine in the ghetto, Anika would never fool anyone into thinking that she was anything less than filthy rich, no matter how much brown liquor she drank or how well she could roll a blunt.

"Try not to talk," Cookie advised Anika when they finally made it to the home of her Uncle Ray and Aunt Estelle. She ignored the hurt look on Anika's face as she got out of the car.

Anika had to talk, however, seeing that Cookie either couldn't or wouldn't answer one simple question: _"Who's your friend, Cookie?"_ It was a cruel thing to do, leaving Anika to twist in the wind, but as far as Cookie was concerned, she was the one who insisted on coming. Let Anika answer, since she wanted to be here so badly.

Anika's response was simple: she was the CFO of Lyon Dynasty. "Basically," she told anyone who asked, "I'm Cookie's right hand." People seemed to be satisfied with that answer, though they couldn't stop staring and whispering about this woman who was obviously loaded – and not rich in the same way Cookie was rich. Hell, the neighborhood dope boys were rich. "I bet she has money's mammy," Anika heard somebody say, and she vowed to be more down-to-earth. She just had no idea how to do so.

* * *

Within the hour, Anika made one good friend: Cookie's Great-Uncle Dickey, who had played Negro League Baseball. Anika was a huge baseball fan, much to Dickey's delight. For the first time since he put down his bat and glove over 60 years ago, Dickey had somebody to talk about America's pasttime with. Neither Cookie nor Carol had never seen Uncle Dickey so happy or so talkative - or Anika, for that matter.

"Is she serious?" Carol asked, watching Dickey fascinate Anika with stories that nobody else in the family cared about while Anika asked questions about people they'd never heard of. "Or is she just sucking up?"

"She's dead serious. Anika goes hard for some baseball. I changed the radio during a Mets game one time, and she threw a pen at me."

Cookie wasn't sure if Anika was avoiding the younger sector of the family on purpose or if it was coincidental. But soon, Cookie could hear the criticism. _What, she think she too good to come hang out with us?_ "Nika, girl!" Candace called out. She wasn't too keen on Cookie's snobby friend, but maybe Anika was just shy. She decided to throw Anika a lifeline. "You know how to play Spades?" Candace held up a deck of cards.

"Spades is okay," Anika answered politely. "I'm more of a Bid Whist girl."

It was like a needle scratching a record. Spades was _okay_? Bid Whist? Half of the people in the room were already distrusting of this girl's bougie attitude and strange way of talking and how she wouldn't eat anything, like she was too good for a plate of greens and cornbread. Didn't this uppity bitch know Spades was life in these streets?

"Excuse me," an elderly voice asked in the growing silence. It was Cookie's favorite aunt, Maxine. Maxine was Dickey's youngest daughter, and she'd noticed how polite and respectful Anika had been to her father all night long. "Did you say you play Bid Whist?" Maxine tried to teach Cookie and her sisters how to play Bid Whist once, but it made Cookie's head hurt.

"Yes, ma'am." Anika rose from her chair and handed a copy of _Bridge to Terabithia_ back to Tyree. "I can play."

"Uh, this here is Philly, l'il girl," Maxine's older brother, Jethro, called out. Jethro had a plate in his head from the Vietnam War, and was notorious for smashing a television set over a game of dominos. "We play 52-card Bid Whist down here. Ain't no jokers in the kitty."

"I'll adjust," Anika said calmly.

Uncle Jethro gave the kind of laugh that promised destruction. "Max, she's _your_ partner."

"Cookie! You better go get your girl!" warned Jethro Junior – J.J. for short.

"Sheeeeeeit," Cookie muttered. "I don't know that bitch." _Damn it!_ Cookie had warned this little debutante to keep her mouth closed. Now Anika's mouth had written a check that her high-yellow ass couldn't cash. Cookie would be lucky if they escaped that house with her maiden name still intact.

Spades at a Holloway gathering was bad enough. There was no shortage of overturned tables, flying sharp objects and terrified children hiding in rooms. But Bid Whist was so intimidating that no relative under the age of 50 would even dream of playing. Even Lucious didn't dare to sit at that table after the way those OGs made Lucious and Bunkie leave not just the table, but the house itself. _"Rise and fly!"_ they bellowed as the younger men slunk outside to the porch, where they wouldn't be allowed to come back inside until another pair of partners lost.

Carol shook her head. "So sad when they die young," she commented as Anika bravely walked towards the slaughter, head held high. "I always liked Anita."

"I think her name's Renika," Candace corrected.

"Whatever. Deal the cards."

* * *

Compared to the rowdy spades games that had been played less than 10 minutes ago, the atmosphere around the table was strangely muted. Cookie was tempted to blame the new ambiance on Candace and their 15-year-old cousin, Latisha, but she knew it wasn't their fault, and she also knew it was a matter of time before her sisters were going to start asking question. "Sooooooooo, Cook...what's up with your friend?" Candace asked.

"Don't start, Candace." Cookie knew it was coming. Mrs. Lucious Lyon was a dyke now. Was it a phase? Did it start in prison? Had it always been there? What did Lucious have to say?

"Ain't nobody startin' nothing!" Carol was equally curious. She'd picked up on the vibes between her sister and Anika earlier that week. "We're just asking...are y'all just friends, or..."

"Carol!" Cookie cocked her head in Tish's direction. Sure, Tish was 15, but it was still embarrassing. Cookie wanted to tell Tish that this was grown folks' business, but then they'd be a player short. Though her eyes were wide open, Tish had the good sense to keep her mouth shut. "You know Anika works with me at Lyon Dynasty. She's my CFO."

"Yeah, and I also know that she used to date your ex-husband _and_ your son."

"What!?" Tish and Candace said together. "What kind of Maury Povich shit is that!?" Candace added.

Cookie wondered that sometimes herself. "It's a long story, Candace."

"Oh, we got time!" Candace assured Cookie. "Trust me. Shit, we'll _make_ the time."

"No, we don't. Trust me. You won't get it. Hell, I don't even get it," Cookie admitted. "I have no idea how this happened. But you know how bad Lucious can mess people up. That girl who was with Lucious and with Hakeem...that wasn't the real Anika." Cookie saw that now.

"So what you're saying," Tish piped up, without even looking up from her cards, "is that the woman you're with isn't the same woman who was with them because she had to get away from Lucious in order to be the woman she really is. Right?"

The sisters stared at Tish. Funny how a kid could break it down so thoroughly. "Right," Cookie said slowly.

"Oh, well, it don't count then. Who she dated before you, that is."

"It don't bother you that I'm dating a girl, Tish?" Cookie prompted gently.

"Nope. I like her. She seems real nice."

"Okay, so that's one family member who doesn't want to throw me out of the tribe." Cookie didn't care if Tish was only 15. She'd take all the support she could get. "Carol?"

Carol shrugged. "If she can keep Uncle Dickey occupied, I say marry the bitch."

Cookie had to laugh. Carol had said something similar about Lucious. "Candace?"

"I'm sorry, Cookie." Candace shook her head. "I can deal with having a gay nephew. But I ain't got no gay sisters."

"I never said I was gay," Cookie denied quickly. Seeing one woman one time...okay, one woman a whole bunch of times...that still didn't make Cookie gay. _Does it?_

"Gay, bisexual, whatever," Candace said impatiently. "You know what I mean."

"Let's not get too uppity, sis," Carol reminded Candace . "'Cause you sure as hell had your trisexual time back in the day."

"Trisexual?" Tish asked. She'd never heard of that before.

"Yeah, she _tried_ everything!" Carol said, and the sisters cracked up.

"That's not funny!" Candace snapped. "I was going through some things back then."

"More like things were going through you!" Cookie quipped. Tish tried not to laugh out of respect for her elders, but she couldn't help it. Even Candace had to smile.

"Do you love her, Cook?" Tish asked Cookie when everyone calmed down.

Now there was a question that would keep Cookie up for nights to come. "We're just friends. Really," she added when all three of them hit Cookie with the _why you always lyin'_ face. "Okay, we're more than friends, okay? I'm dating somebody who just so happens to be a female." Cookie turned to Candace. "So can everybody just drop it?"

"Only thing you 'bout to be droppin' is some books." Candace pointed to the middle of the table. "You just reneged, sis."

"Huh?" Cookie swiftly counted her cards. Heart, heart, heart...spade. "Damn!" She still had a heart in her hand. _**"Run us dem books!"**_ Candace and Tish cheered.

Normally, this would be grounds for some gesture of violence. This time, Carol just shook her head as she and Cookie were forced to give up three books. "I'ma let it slide this time, Cookie, 'cause you got a lot on your mind and I don't wanna embarrass you in front of Tish. But next time..."

"Ain't gon' be a next time," Cookie said determinedly. "And I know a _re_ -nigga like you ain't hardly-"

Cookie was cut off by the high-pitched screaming from inside the house. She recognized one of those voices immediately. "What? What happened? Somebody get hurt?" she asked, running into the kitchen, her sisters and Tish close behind. Aunt Maxine and Anika were clasping hands over a table full of cards as Uncle Jethro and Cousin Danny fumed. "What the hell happened?"

"We ran a Boston on dat ass! That's what happened!" Aunt Maxine bragged. "And stop all that goddamn cussin', Cookie."

Maxine exchanged hi-fives with Anika, who started to explain. Cookie knew what was a Boston was, but everything else Anika just said was foreign. "Never mind," Anika finished, exasperated. "Why don't you little girls go back outside and play Go Fish or Uno or whatever is going on at the Fisher Price My First Card Table? This _here_ -" Anika gestured to herself and the players around her – "is the table for grown folks."

"No, she didn't!" Carol said under her breath. Candace's jaw was hanging open. Sure, they'd all heard that spades was to Bid Whist as checkers was to chess, but Cookie always thought that Whist was just an old folks' game. Anika was barely in her 30s, and she'd just destroyed a pair of men old enough to be her father. "Auntie Max?" Anika said loudly as she shuffled the cards, dismissing Cookie from the table without as much as a backward glance.

"Yeah, baby?" Aunt Maxine yelled back, even though they weren't but three feet in front of each other.

"Didn't your brother say this was 52-card Whist?"

"Sho' did, baby!"

"Well, how can we keep playing 52-card Whist when we got two jokers at the table?"

Wild, raucous laughter followed Tish and the Holloway sisters as left the kitchen to go back to their Spades game. Cookie couldn't believe that her sweet little Boo Boo Kitty could talk enough trash to get picked up by the Department of Streets. _"Rise and fly, my brothas,"_ Aunt Maxine ordered gleefully, shooing away Jethro and Danny as two more suckers stepped up to play. _"Rise and fly."_

* * *

After the Calhoun-Holloway Bid Whist Massacre of 2015, Anika slowly went from being "Dynasty's CFO" to "Cookie's friend" to "a friend of the family," and her clothes grew more and more casual. That perfectly styled and coiffed hair – which was now so long in the front that it drove Cookie crazy - could be found under an authentic Philadelphia Stars baseball cap that Anika found on some auction site for rare sports memorabilia. "Girl," Uncle Dickey gasped when Anika confessed to him how much it had cost. "I didn't get that much money when I played the game!"

One of Cookie's cousins introduced Anika to the versatility of Chuck Taylors and Timberland boots. Soon Anika's shoe closet was filled with Chucks and Timbs in a number of colors and styles. She scoured eBay for every possible scrap of Stars memorabilia. She didn't hide behind the Bid Whist table anymore, doing double duty as a Spades player ("for a warm-up," she teased) and then on to Bid Whist when she was ready to "play a grown woman's game."

Cookie didn't flinch anymore when Anika gave her a loving squeeze or a gentle touch on the sly. They were still as private as always, but Carol caught them kissing once when they thought they were alone on the side porch. "Oooh, Cookie!" Carol said in that voice she'd used over 30 years ago, back when Lucious would sneak over. "I'ma tell Mama!" While Carol teased that her big sister was a full-grown dyke now, she was happy to relinquish her place as the baby sister to Anika. Candace was still quick to point out that the Bible said that homosexuality was an abomination, but she didn't seem to mind it so much when Anika was _her_ Spades partner.

All of these factors made Anika's sudden disappearance that much more noticeable sometime around the beginning of spring. "Where my partna at, Cookie? Where she at!?" Aunt Maxine demanded after the third time Cookie showed up alone, forcing Maxine to go slumming at the Spades table. "Better tell her to bring her ass back to Philly 'fore I come to New York with a switch!"

"I will," Cookie promised, and she did. But every week, Anika had a different excuse about why she couldn't make the drive to Philly with Cookie. She had too much work to do. She wasn't feeling very well. She was going to visit her sorority sisters. But when Anika told Cookie that she was having cramps, Cookie – who knew Anika's menstrual cycle just as well as Anika did - knew Anika was lying. What Cookie didn't know was _why_ Anika was lying.

 _Are you ashamed of me, Cookie?_ Anika once asked her. _Are you ashamed of us?_ Now Cookie longed to ask Anika the same questions. Was Anika embarrassed that she had gone from debutante balls and elegant parties to playing cards and smoking menthols in the hood? From being an overpaid French and Swiss language tutor to teaching poor black kids common math skills in between rides on their Hoverboards? From being the future Mrs. Lucious Lyon to an honorary Holloway – a name synonymous with _felon_ in their neighborhood?

It was impossible to think so. It just couldn't be. Not the Anika whose slap & spin could cut through wood, who sent a card of congratulations when Micah made a B in math at the end of the grading period, who lectured her teenage girl cousins about the myths of douching. _("Seriously, dude wasn't even a doctor. He was just some asshole trying to sell Lysol.")_ Cookie once hurled a plate of mac and cheese at her cousin Darius's head for calling Anika an heirloom _("she gets handed down from family member to family member")_ , but Anika merely grumbled because it was her mac and cheese that Cookie sacrificed for the cause. She hadn't stayed away then, so why was Anika staying away now?

Cookie tried to remember what all had happened the last time Anika was here. It had been a rather bizarre night. For starters, Anika and Aunt Maxine actually lost a Bid Whist game and had to rise and fly for the first time ever. Aunt Maxine eventually came back inside the house, but Anika stayed outside with Cookie and her sisters and trash-talked them so bad during a game of Spades that Cookie uploaded it to Lyon Dynasty's Instagram, even though Cookie had been on the losing team. _"If I remember correctly – are you recording this? – they said that they had never been set before, right? THIS-is HOW-you GET-SET!"_

"I sure hope she gets her Bid Whist mojo back," Carol said, shaking her head as Anika skipped around the backyard, banging on the tables of the and trading pounds with everyone who had witnessed such a mauling. Carol had been Cookie's partner that night and hadn't been beaten that badly in her life. "And I mean _soon_."

Anika seemed to be in a good mood as they left, good enough to ask Cookie to drive back to New York in her sacred Mercedes. But later that night, Cookie found Anika puking in a trash can, drunk and high off one of the marijuana edibles Kid Fo Fo had sent so long ago. "Anika? Anika!" Cookie asked, growing more and more afraid by the minute. Anika wouldn't talk, and all Cookie could do was hold Anika while she cried herself to sleep. Was losing at Bid Whist _that_ serious? If so, Cookie was glad as hell that she never learned the game. Spades was bad enough.

* * *

"Aunt Cookie?"

With Anika gone, Tish was thrown off the Spades table for Aunt Maxine, who played with so much intensity that it made the game miserable for everybody. That day, Candace shuffled off to dominoes, Carol went to the front lawn to jaw-jack and drink, and Cookie just sat alone, enjoying the music and the company of her family, but missing Anika something awful.

"What it is, Keesh?" Keisha was one of those typical 11-year-old girls who looked for guidance in her cool aunties. But Cookie could tell right away that Keisha wasn't about to ask about boys. "Can we talk somewhere inside?" Keisha asked timidly. "Somewhere private?"

"Sure." Minutes later, Cookie and Keisha were inside the house. The washer/dryer room was the only place that allowed for privacy. It was stifling hot in that room, but neither aunt nor niece moved to open a window. "What's wrong?" Cookie asked, growing nervous at the anxiety all over Keisha's face. "Keisha, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

Keisha's head bobbed up and down, and she took a deep breath. "I...I think I know why Miss Anika don't come here no more."

And Keisha told Cookie a story that was so familiar that Cookie's knees buckled and she slid to the floor. Keisha, who was already afraid, ran for her mother and her Aunt Candace, no longer concerned with whether anyone knew whether they were. Carol and Candace found Cookie still on floor, biting down on a towel to muffle her screams.

How could Cookie have been so stupid? How could she have forgotten? There was a reason why all the girls in their family _always_ went around the house in groups of threes or fours. There was a reason why, even in their 40s, Carol and Cookie instinctively reached for each other's hands when they walked up those familiar steps. Even though the Holloway sisters had always traveled in packs – one sister couldn't go anywhere without the other two – every single one of them had an Uncle Billy story.

The sisters were calm and cool and supportive while Keisha was there. "You did the right thing, okay?" Carol soothed her daughter, who was crying in Carol's arms over the confusing and disturbing burden she'd carried for so long. "You ain't a snitch, baby. You helpin' a friend."

Cookie managed to pull herself together and stood back up, dusting off her pants. "Thank you, Keisha." Cookie hugged her niece tightly and kissed her cheek. Never in a million years would she have guessed something like this could have happened, not with Cookie still in the house. "Don't worry, okay? Anika will be back soon. She's not gonna be mad at you. I promise."

The second Keisha left, the mood changed. "Fucking Billy," Carol spat, her teeth clenched so tightly that they nearly shattered. "You shoulda let Lucious kill his black ass when he had the chance."

"Yeah, I know." Lucious had caught Billy spying on Cookie once when she was using the bathroom. Cookie begged him not to do anything about it, and she almost left Lucious when he did anyway. Under the guise of looking at a new mixer, Lucious had beaten Uncle Billy so bad that he hadn't even been able to crawl to a pay phone to call 911. Some Good Samaritan had made the call shortly before Billy would've bled to death, much to Lucious's disappointment.

"Is it possible that maybe Keisha made a mistake?" Candace asked slowly, hoisting herself on the dryer. "Maybe she thought she saw something that wasn't really happening?"

Carol bristled at Candace's suggestion. "You calling my daughter a lie?"

"No! I'm saying – and I'm sorry, Cookie, but I gotta say this. Your girl has a thing for older men, am I right?"

As much as she hated to admit it, Cookie's first thought _had_ been that whatever happened between Anika and Uncle Billy had been consensual. Hadn't Anika spent the rest of the night playing and laughing? Besides, Anika wasn't a young and tender teenage girl. But...Anika was vulnerable, and she wanted to be liked, and she was so needing of familial bonds. And Anika's behavior afterwards made perfect sense now. Anika had been too shaken to make the drive back to New York. The alcohol and edibles were an attempt to self-medicate, and the crying jags were the result of not being able to do so.

"Keisha's not lying, Candace," Cookie said quietly. "You know that." She reached out and squeezed her big sister's hand. "Shit, you probably know better than Carol _or_ me." One look at her niece's face and trembling hands had told the Holloway sisters that Keisha was telling the truth, even if she wasn't all that sure about what the truth was.

"I know." Candace dropped her head as Carol reached for Candace's other hand. "I know your baby's telling the truth, Carol. But God," Candace said as her tears darkened the fabric on her pants, "I sure as hell wish she wasn't."

* * *

Cookie didn't bother to ask Anika about what had happened that day. She already knew that Anika would either deny everything or lie outright, and she didn't want Anika to know that Keisha had spoken up. Cookie knew that she would never learn the full story about what happened between Billy and Anika. But what she knew – and what she and her sisters had experienced as young girls – was enough for Cookie to decide to handle it, complete with her sisters' blessing.

Two days later, the death of William Holloway, nephew of Negro League Baseball legend Richard "Dickey" Holloway, made the news. Cookie felt no remorse over Billy's death. Yesterday it was her and her sisters. Today it was Anika. Tomorrow, it would be Tish or Keisha or little Jermecia. The man had to be put down, plain and simple.

Cookie was, however, impressed with the suicide letter that the police verified had been written by Billy's own hand. In it, Billy wrote about his drug habits, his embezzling, and his predilection for young girls. This was why nobody blamed the family when nobody claimed Billy's body. There would be no funeral, no mourning, no burden on any of them to pretend than they cared that Billy was even dead, let alone that he'd committed suicide. _Still a G,_ Cookie thought admiringly. Lucious had always been smart that way.

* * *

After Billy's death, the Holloway house parties were moved out of Aunt Estelle and Uncle Ray's matchbox house to Candace's sprawling mansion in New Jersey. It would be a full three weeks before the first party was to be held at Candace's house; they would be held monthly now because of the distance.

Having not seen any of Cookie's family in over three months, the enthusiastic response to Anika's return rivaled Cookie's coming-out-of-prison celebration. Something deep down told Cookie that many – if not all – of the family had connected the party relocation and Anika's return with Billy's death. There was no love lost over Billy. It was like he never existed. Now the girl children in the family were free to roam the wide halls and hide in the huge closets. They could go to the bathroom in peace & not have to have their sisters guarding the door. They could change into their swimsuits and not worry whether someone was cracking the door to peep inside.

Uncle Dickey was probably the most excited of all to see Anika again. He'd found an old Philadelphia Stars shirt that he wanted Anika to have. Every week, Dickey brought that shirt to the parties, hoping that Anika would be there so he could give it to her. Anika laughed and cried and kissed Dickey on the cheek, still sporting her authentic Stars cap. "I'm going to put it on right now!" she said excitedly. Then her smile faded. "Cookie...Cookie, could you come with me?"

"Just a minute." Candace and her husband swore that CDs and MP3s didn't sound nearly as good as vinyl, so it took a while to flip through so many albums. It was especially hard to choose what to play on such a festive spring night like this one. Earth, Wind and Fire, Stevie Wonder, the Isley Brothers, GAP Band...all staples. But soon Cookie found the perfect album with the perfect song. Best of all, it was one of the few songs on the planet that didn't make Cookie immediately think of Lucious.

"Awwww, _shit,_ Cookie!" Candace yelled out as "A Love of Your Own" by Average White Band began to play. The whole house was wired for sound, and the sound system was so crisp that one would think the group was playing live on the front lawn. "You tryna' get me pregnant?"

"Girrrrl, if you get pregnant," Aunt Charmaine yelled over the music, "somebody better look for a star in the East!"

"You okay?" Cookie asked over the music and the laughter, squeezing Anika's hand as they made their way inside the house and up the stairs. Nobody gave a backward glance at Cookie and Anika going up together. Even now, she and Carol held hands on their way up and down stairs and in and out of strange places. It was a habit, even though they'd spent 17 years apart.

"I'm fine, Cookie." Anika had actually done some exploring on her own when Cookie wasn't paying attention. She knew exactly where they were about to go.

With the coast clear, Anika pulled Cookie into one of the four huge guest bathrooms and quickly locked the door behind them. "What are you do-" Cookie was cut off as Anika kissed her with a passion on bordered on being crazed. Cookie hadn't experienced this type of intensity since the first night they made love. "Anika...ohh, shit..." Cookie bit her lip while Anika tongued one of Cookie's breasts, then the other. She knew how much her kitty loved kitty, but not in a place like _this_. "Anika, wait..."

"No." Anika giggled & kissed Cookie once, twice, three times.

"Yes," Cookie ordered as she kissed Anika back once, twice, three times. Anika was smiling – really smiling for the first time Cookie could remember in ages. Minutes later, Anika had one leg wrapped around Cookie's waist as she rode Cookie's middle and ring finger until she exploded. Anika sat Cookie on the double sink countertop so she could return the favor.

"Damn, Anika! Wait!" Cookie kicked off her shoes and wriggled out of jeans, then pulled Anika to her and kissed her long and deep to slow her down. "It's okay," she said, caressing Anika's lip and running her hands through her hair – that damned hair that was becoming more and more like a fuzzy brown mop. Cookie took both of her hands and ran them through Anika's hair, pushing it off her face. Now she could see Anika's face again. Those beautiful eyes, that gorgeous skin, the cluster of freckles on her glowing cheeks. Cookie wanted so badly to kiss every one of them. "First thing tomorrow," she ordered, "you go get a goddamn haircut. You hear me?"

"Or what?" Anika asked, mimicking Cookie to a T.

"Or I'ma have to spank that ass. That's what."

Anika gently bit Cookie's bottom lip. "Do it anyway."

"What, right now?"

"No, not right now!" Anika laughed. "Right now, this is my moment."

"Anika..." Cookie began, but stopped when Anika wordlessly pushed her right back to the countertop and wedged her body between Cookie's legs. Anika looked so peaceful and calm as she knelt down. She could've just as easily been at a Catholic mass than between Cookie's legs. "Kitten..."

Anika looked up at Cookie, her eyes swarming with tears and love and relief. She had missed everybody so much, especially Uncle Dickey and Aunt Max. And Anika was no fool. She knew that Billy hadn't killed himself. Past that, Anika couldn't figure out what had gone on, or who did what. She didn't care, either. And since there was nothing to discuss and there no words strong enough to express Anika's gratitude for Billy's sudden departure, Anika gave thanks in the most appropriate way: on her knees, with her face tilted towards heaven.

"Oh, my God. Oh...my... _God_..."

* * *

That passionate time in Candace's bathroom two weeks ago – and not the blow-up they'd had this morning - was on Cookie's mind while she was getting hair and nails done for the next day's ceremony. Poor Jamal had reached out to both of them, and Cookie really could see his side. She could see Anika's side, too. Cookie knew Anika was right in what she wanted to do. And Cookie _did_ support Anika. She _would_ take Anika with her on the red carpet one day. Just not tomorrow.

Cookie desperately needed Anika to see her side before she made any life-changing announcements. It wasn't about coming out or keeping secrets. Cookie just needed tomorrow night to be about nothing but the music. Anika had to understand that, right? They'd sacrificed so much and been through so much that certainly Anika could see where Cookie was coming from. She knew Anika would see reason.

Even though she had a key, Cookie normally called before she swung by Anika's apartment. But with the bathroom incident still in her mind, Cookie couldn't wait to get to Anika's place and talk it out with her kitty. Hell, Cookie wanted some kitty, period.

Anika's apartment resembled a mall after a tornado landing. "What's going on?" Cookie asked after she let herself into the apartment. "Is everything okay?" Anika hadn't said anything this morning about going anywhere. Then again, they had been fighting so long and so hard that it hadn't come up, either.

"Hey, baby. Everything's fine." Anika kissed Cookie on the cheek and gave her a once-over. She took Cookie's hand and examined her manicure. "Ooh, I like that nail color," she said, then kissed Cookie's hand and went right back to her packing. "You must be wearing that blue Versace dress tomorrow."

"Yeah. Where-where are you going? And why you packing so fast?" Cookie tried to reach for Anika, but Anika brushed past her.

"Philly. There's a Bid Whist tournament going on." Anika zipped up her suitcase and began to search for her purse. "Auntie Max lost her partner, so I'm joining her. But I have to get there before 5:30."

"5:30? It's almost three!" Cookie was gobsmacked. No way Anika could make that drive. And even if she could..."You're driving all the way down to Philly to play cards?"

"No, I'm flying. Look, I gotta get out of here before I miss my flight. I'll text you when I get there." Anika unhooked the handles on the case and attached her purse to it. "I made some chicken alfredo for you. It's in the -"

"Anika! Slow down!" Life was coming at Cookie too fast, and she had too many questions. Tomorrow would be the biggest night of their lives, and all Anika could talk about was Bid Whist and chicken alfredo? She hadn't even gotten her hair cut. "How are you going to make it back in time for the Grammys tomorrow?" Cookie asked. "Do I need to pick you up from the airport or what? And what are you going to do with your hair?"

"Oh. That." Anika stopped packing and looked Cookie straight in the eye. "I'm not going with you, Cookie."

TBC


	3. Maybe Tomorrow You'll Change Your Mind

_Note: The title of this chapter comes from "Maybe Tomorrow" by the Jackson Five. The Isley Brothers song that Anika refers to is "Voyage to Atlantis"._

* * *

What the hell had Jamal said to Anika? Cookie knew that Anika was hurt, but she expected to be able to get the chance to say her side. But Anika could be every bit as stubborn as Cookie, and Cookie knew that no matter what she was about to say short of _be my date to the Grammys_ , Anika was going to walk out that door. "Why are you doing this tonight?" Cookie sputtered, for she'd be damned if she was going to cave to an unspoken threat. "The night before the goddamned Grammys, and you pull this shit – why?"

Anika sighed and leaned against the wall. There was no way she was going to catch her flight. This was an argument that needed to be had. "You know what Uncle Dickey told me right before he died? He said that it was up to me to know my full worth. That's what I'm doing, right now."

Just two days after Dickey gave Anika his beloved Stars shirt, he'd gone up to the attic and never came back down. Anika was so distraught that she opted not to attend the funeral, something she regretted to this day. Just remembering the man that Anika had grown to love like a second father set her off all over again. "I deserve to be on that carpet with you tomorrow _as your girlfriend_. Not Dynasty's CFO, not your buddy. Your girlfriend." Anika shook her head when Cookie didn't reply. "You can't even say it, can you?"

"Can't even say what?" Cookie asked dully.

"That you're my girlfriend. We've been together for what, five months? And you still won't claim me."

"Fine, Anika. You're my girlfriend. You happy now?" Of course Anika wasn't happy. Was she ever? The look on Anika's face was so condescending and pitying that Cookie could've slapped her. "What is it, now? You mad 'cause you don't have anything to bitch about anymore?"

Of course Anika could pour her heart out to Cookie and get such a nasty reply in return. "You're amazing, Cookie," Anika was actually smiling now – not because she was happy, but because she was relieved. "I never thought I'd feel sorry for Lucious, but here I am."

"Lucious?" That was the last name Cookie wanted to hear at a time like this. "What does he have to do with anything?"

"I always wondered what made him get married when he was just 16. He said it was because you were pregnant, but I knew that was bullshit even before I met you. Nobody gets married at 16 unless they just can't live without someone...I get now." Anika gave a sharp, bitter laugh. "And I get why Malcolm wanted to take you to with him to D.C., and I get why Laz tried to leave his crew over you...they lost their minds over you from the very beginning. And I did, too," Anika confessed, confiding one of her deepest secrets. "From the first time I met you, I fell in love with you. You enchanted me the way you overwhelmed the room, even though you were leaving. When I saw the way Lucious looked at you, I knew I'd lost him. It got to a point where I didn't even want him anymore. I just wanted to beat you."

Cookie was thunderstruck. Anika couldn't be serious. Cookie had barely said a kind word to Anika until she came to Dynasty for good. If Anika had been in love with Cookie from day one, the feeling sure as hell wasn't mutual. "And even though you were nasty to me...I'll admit, it turned me on. You cut me down and you hurt me every time you saw me, but I still felt something because it was like..." Anika struggled to explain. "It was like, ' _at least she sees me. At least I know I get a reaction from her. Even if it's a bad one, she sees me_.'" Anika laughed softly, remembering her crush on Cookie. "I wanted to kiss you so bad, just to see what it was like. But more than that, I just wanted you to respect me. I still do."

"Anika…" Cookie had no idea that Anika felt that way, and she still didn't understand why. Had she known, Cookie probably would've slapped the shit out her. Maybe that's why Anika stayed so cool towards her. "Anika, I..."

"When I saw you and Lucious in that bed that night, I wasn't crying because you were sleeping with him. I was crying because I wanted you to let me in. I've never really been down for that threesome stuff that Lucious liked, but I would've done it if I got to be with you. But-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Cookie cut Anika off. "What the hell are you talking about, _when you saw us?"_

"Oh, come off it, Cookie. You know I was there that night." The kindness in Anika's voice faded. "You looked me dead in the face and you just kept right on having sex with Lucious in my bed."

"No, I didn't!" Had the situation been reversed – had Cookie, as Lucious's fiancée, walked in on him having sex with his ex-wife, there would've been a five-alarm fire to hide the bodies. "I never saw you that night. You think I would've just kept fucking him if I did?" Even Cookie wasn't _that_ cruel.

"Then why did you throw it up in my face that you slept with him – twice!" When Anika informed Cookie that there was no need to tell her about the bedroom sex, Cookie dropped the bomb that they had had sex since then.

"Because Lucious had just told me you two were getting married," Cookie's excuse sounded pathetic when she justified it in her head all that time ago, and it sounded even more pathetic now. "I had to do it."

"No, you didn't! That's my point! You only did it to hurt me! You always wanted to hurt me, and I hadn't done anything to you except be Lucious's fiancée!"

"Wait a minute, now. You don't call doping up my artist 'anything?'" If Anika was going to take a walk down memory lane, Cookie was determined that Anika's information be correct.

"I've apologized to Elle for that, and she forgave me," Anika fired back.

"What about me, Anika? You ruined my night at that showcase!"

"What about you? I don't owe _you_ a goddamned thing! And you shone anyway, didn't you? You didn't even know about Elle when you had sex with Lucious, so don't make it seem like that was some sort of payback, either!"

"Kitten, _why_ are we going over all this?" Cookie asked. She took Anika by the waist and pulled her close. "You did shit...I did shit...neither one of us were worth a damn. And trust me, Anika, if I knew about how you felt about me back then, I would've messed everything up. But Lucious is gone, and we have each other now!"

"You have me, Cookie. I've never had you." Gently but firmly, Anika removed herself from Cookie's hold. "You don't respect me, Cookie. Maybe that's the way you treat me like you do. You beat me up, you fire me. Hell, you even pimped me."

"I never pimped you, Anika." Cookie would be damned if she took responsibility for Anika's foolish decision to sleep with Mimi Whiteman in an attempt to land a $250 million deal that would've allowed her, Anika, Hakeem, and Andre to take over Empire. "I never asked you to do prostitute yourself! Not for real," Cookie added lamely when Anika's eyes narrowed. "I know good and hell well you didn't think I really told you to sleep with Mimi, so don't blame that shit on me. You did that on your own!"

"Fine. I did it on my own, and it failed. But you never let me forget it, did you? Even though I did it for _you_ , Cookie! And you know what? I bet if it had worked, you would've kept your insults to yourself!"

The sad thing was that Cookie wasn't even surprised that Anika had slept with Mimi. She didn't even care. Cookie was only angry that it didn't work. "You hurt me over and over again when that didn't work out. And you fired me when you got what you wanted from me. You use me over and over, and you push me away, over and over and over again. But I always come back, don't I?" Anika laughed, then sang softly, "I'll always come back to you...you're Atlantis, Cookie. You're in that place I can never reach, but it doesn't stop me from trying."

"That's not true, Kitten." Isley Brothers. Just like the night they first made love. Anika couldn't have stabbed Cookie in the heart harder if she sang "You're So Beautiful."

"Yes, it is. I always come back to you because I love you so much. The only reason why you hired me back was because I had to get a contract so you could stop running me away. I'm pretty sure you can find a way to break it, too. But you know what? I don't care anymore, Cookie. You're in my blood, and I'm not going to beat myself up about that anymore. I'm just going to work on getting over you, just like Malcolm did. I saw the wedding invite he sent you last month." It was one more reason why Anika was determined to break free if she needed to - because somebody had shown that it was possible. "Why didn't you go?"

"Why would I go to my ex-boyfriend's wedding?" Cookie genuinely was happy for Malcolm, as Malcolm was for Cookie. When Cookie told him that her new lover was Anika, he told Cookie that she was welcome to bring Anika to the wedding and wished them both well. Since Malcolm and his new wife didn't have a weddng registry, Cookie donated $25,000 in the names of Malcolm and Desiree DeVeaux to Malcolm's old community center in New Jersey. Still, she couldn't bring herself to go watch him marry another woman, even if Cookie was the one who let him go. "I'm happy that he moved on," Cookie said, and she meant it.

"So am I. It's about time somebody did. Believe me, when I finally get over you, Cookie – when I get sick of you using me and disrespecting me and ignoring me, we're not going to have some big fight like we did at Dynasty or when you told me I wasn't going to be your date tomorrow." Anika shrugged. "Just look up and see me gone."

Had Cookie come over a mere 30 minutes later, Anika would have been gone. "Anika, _what...do you want...from me?"_

"Respect, maybe." The idea was as foreign to Anika as Cookie denouncing animal prints. "Appreciation. Her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes. "Hell, I just want you to like me."

"Like you?" Cookie had to walk away from Anika to keep from strangling her all over again. "I killed a man for you, Anika!"

"I never asked you to do that, Cookie," Anika mimicked cruelly. "You did that on your own. And you sure as hell didn't do it for me, because I would've told you then that it wasn't that big a deal anyway!" _Damn_. Anika had never planned to talk about what happened the day, but here they were. "Look, it's not like he raped me, okay?" The assurance of this seemed to confuse Cookie even more. "I could've handled it on my own if you had just stayed out of it!"

"Handled it how, Anika?" Cookie asked, reaching for Anika's hand. "By staying away from my family?" She drew Anika into her arms, and Anika placed her head on Cookie's shoulder. "Would you feel better if Uncle Dickey had died before you got the chance to see him again?" Cookie asked, stroking Anika's hair. Though Dickey had shown no signs of illness, Cookie got the distinct feeling that Dickey was only holding on to life to give Anika that shirt. Once he'd finally done it, he could die happy.

"No! Just...you didn't even ask me what happened that night," Anika murmured into Cookie's shoulder. "Where'd you get your info from, anyway? Keisha? You killed a man over the word of an 11-year-old? Did it ever dawn on you that what she was saying might not have been true?"

"It was true. I know my uncle's m.o. I know it goes." A part of Cookie felt so guilty for being the one sister who hadn't been subjected to the worst of Billy's behavior. Billy had taken to spying on Cookie during the short time she and Lucious lived with Uncle Ray, but that was nothing compared to what her sisters had endured. Carol finally talked about it years later, when Cookie was in prison. Candice had never said a word about it. "So don't you call my niece a liar."

Knowing the information that Keisha had given her, Cookie was able to piece together a rough version of the events. "You went to change clothes when L'il Terry spilled his plate on you," Cookie began. She sat in a large chair and tried to pull Anika into her lap, but Anika refused to sit. "And Billy cornered you in the laundry room. He told you about how nobody was going to believe you and how you didn't want anybody to come in and see you two...not that it mattered because everyone was going to think it was your fault anyway. Right?" she prompted gently when Anika didn't respond.

"Stop, Cookie." Anika's voice was barely audible. Cookie knew everything as if she'd been standing in the corner the whole time.

"Anika," Cookie pressed gently. "I already knew he didn't rape you because Billy had this thing about getting us pregnant. But I know you thought that if you didn't do something, he could hurt you, and that if you did do something, then maybe he would leave you-"

"I said _stop it!"_ Anika snatched a picture frame from her coffee table and hurled it across the room, missing Cookie by just a couple of inches. "Shut up, Cookie! Just shut the hell up!"

Cookie knelt down and picked up the broken frame. Inside was a picture of Anika with Cookie, Carol, Candace and Aunt Maxine. _We Miss You!_ Cookie's cousin Astrid had written on the back. "Anika, I don't care how serious it was or it wasn't. I know Keisha found you in that laundry room crying and throwing up. That's all I needed to know." Cookie walked across the room to the couch, where Anika was sitting with her hands over her ears, rocking back and forth. "Anika. Listen to me. Please."

"No!" Cookie's last words had cut Anika so deeply that she wanted nothing more than for her to stop talking.

"Kitten, listen. Please." Cookie took Anika's hands in hers, but Anika still wouldn't look at her. "I believe you, okay? And my sisters would've believed you. Aunt Maxine, Uncle Dickey...they love you like blood. You could've told us, baby."

"I didn't want them to know! I didn't want you to know!" Anika jerked away, moving out of Cookie's reach. "Get that through your fucking skull!" That deep sense of shame washed over Anika all over again. "I had every right to keep that shit from you!"

"Why?! I could have protected you, Anika! All you had to do was tell me! Why didn't you tell me, goddamn it?"

 _"Because you're crazy, Cookie!"_ Anika shuddered, remembering Luther's warning to his little sister when she overheard Keisha talking to her older brother. _Don't tell nobody nothin', Keisha. You know Cookie is crazy._ "You'd have someone killed for me, Cookie," Anika said, "but you won't even acknowledge me in public. That's more than crazy, Cookie. That's lunacy."

Cookie longed to tell Anika how much she meant to her. How, from day one, Anika had pushed Cookie to be the best woman she could be. How she slept so much better with her Kitten by her side, and how if getting rid of a man who hurt her Kitten made Cookie a lunatic, then a lunatic Cookie would just have to be. Before Cookie could get all that out, however, her phone rang. "Don't you dare touch that phone," Anika demanded, her voice as cold as ice water.

"Just give me five minutes. Please, Anika." _Fuck!_ It was Lucious. "Where the hell are you?" Lucious demanded the second Cookie spoke. "You're supposed to be here with us! We're leaving in 15 minutes!"

"I..." Cookie was supposed to fly in Lucious's private jet with Lucious and their sons to Los Angeles. It was important, they all felt, to show that even though they were signed to different labels, the Lyons would always be a united family first. "Just go on without me, okay? I'll meet you guys there. Look," Cookie said hurriedly when Anika jerked her suitcase and made her way to the door. "I gotta go."

"No! Keep talking! Get your plans straight! _Hiiiiii, Lucious!"_ Anika yelled loud enough to hear. Her voice was so full of rage that even Lucious know he'd called at a bad time. "Your little Grammy ceremony is more important than me, Cookie, so be sure to get all that shit straight."

"Anika!" Cookie hung up quickly and raced to the door. "This is not more important than you! _Stop!"_ Cookie blocked the doorway.

"Get out of my way, Cookie," Anika demanded. "I already missed my flight, and you need to go pack." A wry smile curved Anika's lips. "You're not even packed, are you?" she said. Anika knew her Cookie Monster.

"No." Cookie gave Anika a tiny smile. "Not that it matters, since everything is over here, anyway. And I know you have something to wear tomorrow. You'll look perfect. So you please come with me?" She took Anika's hand off the suitcase, then slowly moved her away from the door and back into the living room. "Please, baby? I need you with me tomorrow..."

Cookie slowly backed Anika into the bedroom. She was going to make this girl forget Bid Whist and red carpets and everything else. "Come with me, baby," Cookie cajoled again, gently biting Anika's ear, then her throat. She kissed the spot where she'd nipped Anika's neck and prayed that it didn't make a bruise. "I won't even bug you about your hair."

"Cookie..." Anika whimpered as Cookie hands slipped down Anika's sweatpants and found her wet center. Long ago, Lucious mentioned that he knew Cookie and Anika were dating when they both started wearing their nails much shorter than usual. It helped during times like this, though Cookie was still careful not to hurt Anika. "Oh, my God..." She wanted to be strong and take a stand, but with Cookie's hands sliding inside her, Anika could barely stand, period.

"Come with me, baby," Cookie urged, thrilled with the look on her lover's face. "Come with me...come for me..."

Moments later, all of Anika's clothes were on the floor as Cookie fastened her birthday gift from Anika securely around her waist and tossed her skirt to the side. There was only one way for Anika to make up for such disrespect – on her knees, with her ass tilted towards heaven. With this crisis out of the way, Cookie was back to being herself again. "Throw a picture frame at me?" Cookie muttered, reaching into Anika's nightstand for a small tube of lubricant. "You must be out cho damn mind."

* * *

Hours later, Cookie and Anika relaxed together in a warm bubble bath, with vanilla candles making the only light in the large master bathroom. The scene was so gentle and serene that when Anika leaned back on Cookie's chest, she almost fell asleep. They could be in Los Angeles or Jamaica or anywhere in the world, but Anika knew that none of those places were better than being in Cookie's arms.

Cookie had already called Aunt Maxine while Anika was sleeping – she tended to be wired up after sex, while Anika almost always fell asleep - so there was no rush to do much of anything except have a ton of makeup sex and book two first-class tickets to to L.A. This meant that Cookie wouldn't be flying with Lucious after all, something she had no desire to tell him just yet.

"Remind me again," Anika asked as the two cuddled together in the water. "Which category am I nominated for?" Since the day the Grammy nominations were announced, Anika hadn't even thought about them. She only remembered that she was nominated for a Grammy when somebody else reminded her. Why she wasn't all that excited about it, Anika didn't know.

"Song of the Year," Cookie answered, stroking Anika's damp hair and kissing her cheek. She was in as much danger of falling asleep in the bathtub as Anika was. "Congratulations, by the way. We'll have to celebrate when we get out of this tub."

"Mmm. Can't wait." Anika wasn't sure how much more celebrating her body could take, but she planned to find out. "Now, why am I nominated for Song of the Year when I haven't sung a note on a track?"

"For songwriting." V. Bozeman's old song, "Black and Blue" had been re-written with Cookie. At the last second, Anika added a bridge that many people thought was the difference between a lovely little Top 20 R&B song to the #1 hit that it turned out to be. As a result, Anika, V. and Cookie were all credited as co-writers. That pitted Cookie against Jamal for Song of the Year, as Jamal was the sole writer of "Ready to Go".

"Got it. And which one is the one where all of you Lyons are nominated on the same song?" Andre had joked that the Grammys should have been called The Lyon Show.

"Record of the Year."

"What's the difference?"

"Hmmm...how do I explain this?" Cookie barely understood it herself. "Record of the Year goes to the performer and production team - producers, the mixers, and so on. And since Jamal combined Lucious's song and my song for 'Ready to Go," it makes us the producers. Jamal and Hakeem are the performers. So that's how all four of us got nominated for the same song."

"Wait. I thought Hakeem wrote his verse on 'Ready to Go?' Doesn't that qualify him for Song of the Year?"

"No, unfortunately." Cookie remembered how heartbroken Hakeem was to learn that he wouldn't be nominated for a 6th possible Grammy; instead, he was tied at five with Jamal. "See, the original song was nominated for Song of the Year. Only Jamal wrote that. The remix was nominated for Record of the Year. Trust me, we're kicking ourselves for not putting in the remix version for that category, but I just don't think it would've been nominated for Song."

Anika had to agree. The original version was the stronger of the two. Two of Jamal's verses were sacrificed for the remix. It watered down the strong songwriting in exchange for a worldwide smash. "Okay. Now, how did you and Hakeem get a second nomination in the same category?"

"Because me and Hakeem produced 'Mimosa.' So we got the nom as the producers, and Mirage a Trois gets it as the performers." It was all that the media could talk about. Four Lyons all nominated in the same category, with Cookie and Hakeem being nominated twice. Brother against brother, ex-husband versus ex-wife, Cookie and Hakeem against themselves. That anyone other than a Lyon would win in any category they were nominated in was so far-fetched that Cookie could almost feel the little gramophone in her hand. Almost.

"Which one would you prefer to win?" Anika asked, pulling Cookie's arms around her body. "Or do you care?"

"'Mimosa.'" Cookie didn't even like the song, but all she cared about was bringing the hardware home for Lyon Dynasty. "If I win for 'Ready to Go', it's credited as an Empire win because the song was recorded on Lucious's label. I know it'll be a big deal because all four of us will have a Grammy, but I still want one on my own merit. But...can I tell you a secret, Kitten?"

"Of course, baby." Anika kissed Cookie's wet hand and admired her nail polish again. "What is it?

"If I can only win one Grammy," Cookie whispered in Anika's ear, "I want to win it with you and V."

"Aw, baby. That's so sweet!" Anika turned around and bought Cookie's lips to her own for a kiss that grew so long and deep that Anika had to turn around and straddle Cookie's waist or let half of the water in the bathtub splash to the floor.

Lyon Dynasty's 14 nominations were a bit of a stretch, since Cookie and Hakeem were nominated for eight of them on their own. Along with two Record of the Year nominations, Hakeem was also nominated for Best Rap Album, Best Rap Song and Best New Artist. Freda Gatz was also nominated for all three. Even more impressive, both a Dynasty and Empire artist were nominated for every one of the Big Four – Hakeem versus Freda for Best New Artist, Hakeem and Cookie versus Lucious and Jamal for Record of the Year, Cookie and Anika versus Jamal for Song of the Year, and Jamal versus Elle Dallas for Album of the Year.

"How come Jamal wasn't nominated for Best New Artist?" Anika asked. "Was it because he did an album already?"

"Right. That little coffee shop album went tin foil, but it disqualified him. Wonderful album, but nobody heard it. I know Lucious is talking about a re-release. Oh, that reminds me!" Cookie hated to get out of the bathtub, but there was business to attend to. "I gotta call Lucious & tell him I'm not flying out with him, and Aunt Max said for you to call her when you woke up."

Anika had never mentioned her relationship with Cookie to anyone in Cookie's family, not even her sisters. It wasn't a secret, just one of those things that went unspoken. Maxine obviously knew that Anika and Cookie were sleeping together. It was just another step Cookie was making to make Anika her girl officially. So was talking to Maxine about Anika, because she seemed to know what Anika was about to say even before she said it. "You're goin' to the Grammys with Cookie after all, huh? That's wonderful!"

Anika breathed a sigh of relief. She felt terrible ditching Maxine at the last second. "You're up for a Grammy, too, right?" Maxine asked.

"Right. I'm up with Cookie for Song of the Year - _stop!_ " Anika hissed to Cookie, who had removed Anika's bath towel and was kissing her on her neck. "Go pack, you lazy bum."

"Wait, I thought you were nominated for Record of the Year?" Maxine pretended not to hear the whap of skin against skin.

Anika laughed and playfully thumped Cookie on the head. "I'll explain it to you later, Aunt Max. It's confusing as heck."

"Well, I can't wait to see you and Cookie on the red carpet tomorrow. Are y'all going to color coordinate, or are you just going to do your own thing?

 _Red carpet._ "I don't know." Cookie never said anything about going to the Grammys with Anika _._ "Cookie," Anika asked once Aunt Maxine got off the line. "Are we color coordinating on the red carpet tomorrow, or can I just choose whatever I want to wear?"

"Let's skip the carpet." Cookie's ears were full of Lucious's loud, angry words, but the man just had to get over it. Cookie gently pushed Anika on the bed, planting kisses on her breasts. "The big party is always inside. And I don't want to be bothered with all those reporters asking me about Empire shit. You know all I'm gonna hear about is Lucious and Empire...babe?" Cookie asked when Anika began to laugh – softly at first, then louder and louder to where it bordered on sounding maniacal. "Anika?"

"You don't want to walk the carpet because of the reporters? That's a good one, Cookie." Anika shoved Cookie off her and stood. "And I guess when we sit together – _if_ we sit together – I'm going to be your CFO? Your right-hand woman?" Anika's voice rose higher and she spoke faster. "Am I going to move up to the position of best friend this time?!"

"Look, Anika." Cookie stood up and reached for Anika, who jerked away. "Tomorrow is about Lyon Dynasty, okay? All I want people focusing on is the music. You've worked just as hard as I have on this, so I know you understand. I can't have everybody talking tomorrow about us dating!"

"Everybody...everybody talking..." Anika was now laughing so hard that she had to sit on the bed. "Cookie, _everybody knows we're dating!_ Don't you ever go online?" The look of surprise on Cookie's face was even funnier than Cookie's original belief that nobody knew that she had a girlfriend. "They don't even insinuate that I'm your girlfriend, Cookie! The blogs, the magazines, Black Twitter...they all just write that I'm your _girlfriend_. Even Uncle Dickey knew! Your nieces and nephews know! _You're not hiding anything!"_

"Then why is it such a big deal that you tell everybody?" There had to be a leak at Dynasty records. Anika and Cookie never held hands or kissed in public. They were always professional. How in the world did it become common knowledge that they were dating?

"Because I want to make it official, that's why!" Anika did understand Cookie's reasoning for not wanting to say anything, but she was furious that Cookie had no intention of telling her this until they actually got to L.A. "I can't believe you were just going to bring me to the Grammys with you and dump me in a corner somewhere at the last second! After all you've done to me in all this time...like I said, I don't know why I'm surprised anymore." Anika threw up her hands, exasperated. "Just when I think you can't stoop any lower, Cookie Lyon, you manage to find a shovel."

Cookie knew how selfish she was being, but she wasn't planning to dump her in the traditional sense. It was just that everyone would expect Cookie to be with her family, not her CFO. She had every intention of making sure Anika was...somewhere close by. "Baby, come Monday, I will take out a billboard 20 feet high and tell the world that we're together. Just not tomorrow!"

"No, you won't. You won't, Cookie," Anika repeated when Cookie tried to speak again. "You'll always have another excuse, and another, and another. You say you don't care if they call you gay or you don't care if I come out of the closet, but you damn sure don't want anybody to know that I'm just a yellow piece of ass to you."

"Don't say that!" Cookie gripped Anika by her shoulders and tried her hardest not to shake her. "You are _not_ a yellow piece of ass to me! Don't you _ever_ let me hear you say that again!"

"Then what am I to you, Cookie? _What are we!?_ " Cookie didn't answer, and that made things even worse. "Tell me right now!" Anika screamed, barely able to get the words out, "Or I swear to God, Cookie, we're done. We are _done_."

Even with that threat over her head, Cookie had no response. She didn't even look Anika in the eye. "Like I said," Anika continued, not bothering to hide the tears streaming down her face, "I'm worth more than just being your little redbone, even if you don't think so." Anika secured her suitcase. Nothing Cookie said to her at this point would make her stay.

"Where are you going, Anika?" Cookie asked dully, her eyes still fixed on a picture on Anika's wall. If she wasn't going to Philadelphia, there was no telling where she was about to go, and Cookie had enough to worry about."

"I don't know. All I know right now is that I don't want to be anywhere near you." Anika's words felt like Cookie had swallowed a ball of fire, and she wasn't even finished yet. "If I can't be by your side as the woman you love, Cookie, I won't be by your side at all."

It wasn't even half an hour ago that Cookie was on top of Anika, brushing the hair from her flushed face and making all kinds of naughty threats if she didn't get it cut by tomorrow night. But Anika, with her demands and her accusations and her exhausting confessions, was choking the life out of Cookie. Cookie stood up and walked over to Anika, standing face-to-face with her so that Cookie's words would be crystal clear. "I never said I love you, Boo Boo Kitty."

Anika reeled back as if she'd been slapped. She opened her mouth to say something, but could only make choking noises as she began to tremble. Cookie was hurting just as bad, but she didn't move a muscle. Just this afternoon, she'd been so concerned about Anika's feelings. Never again would she show weakness in front of this little debutante.

With Anika now cut down to size, Cookie turn on her heel returned to the bedroom. Three of her gowns and a ton of accessories were here at Anika's; she could actually pack from Anika's house without even going by her own. Pulling out a suitcase, Cookie focused all her energy on tomorrow's ceremony. She'd chosen her gown and shoes. Her hair was laid like world peace. Her sons were up for a total of nine awards combined. Dynasty was up for 14. Empire was up for 15. That's where Cookie's head was now. It was all about the music. _If she wants to leave me for a card game, fuck her._

The hard sound of thick metal clattering on the glass nightstand Cookie jump a mile. She looked up in time to see Anika placing her keys back into her purse. There were no tears now, no trembling of any kind in her voice. Anika was all debutante and Ivy League and wealth, and that type of hardness could match Cookie's poverty-stricken upbringing and prison background. "By the time I get back on Monday," Anika said, her voice lacking any emotion, "I want you and everything that's yours out of my house. I'm done with you, Cookie. We're through." True to her word, there had been no blowup. Anika was just _gone_.

* * *

Anika stayed gone long enough for Cookie to wordlessly gather all her clothes and shoes in bags and boxes. On most nights, Cookie would've told Anika to go to hell and packed whenever she damn well pleased. But now, Cookie wanted nothing more than to be out of Anika's house. It didn't feel like home anymore. The kitchen where they cooked breakfast and hung out in the nook...the living room where they sat quietly on opposite ends of the room while Anika did her creepy touch type thing...the bedroom where they cuddled with their pajamas. Cookie with her glasses and crooked smile, and Anika curled up by Cookie's side, her head in Cookie's lap or nuzzling her breasts while she slept.

It was around 8:00 when Maxine called Cookie. "Anika made it down here safe," she informed Cookie. "Just thought you'd want to know."

So she'd driven to Philly after all. "Great." The silence meant that Maxine was expecting more from Cookie. "Did she tell you that she dumped me?"

"No, she ain't told me nothin' like that. But I figured it had something to do with you. Baby, what happened? Why is she crying so hard?"

"Is she awake?" Cookie asked before she remembered that Anika wasn't her girlfriend anymore. Anika's tears had touched her this morning when she was talking to Jamal. No more. She'd bathe in that bitch's tears from now on.

"No. I gave her something to drink and sent her to bed. We'll talk in the morning. Cookie...you wanna talk about it before I talk to Anika tomorrow? You know, sometimes it helps to get an outside ear...maybe I can help."

"Thanks, Aunt Max, but no thanks. She said she wanted me packed and out of here by tomorrow night, and I - Aunt Max, I'll talk to you tomorrow. That's my ex-partner in crime."

"Good luck tomorrow, baby. I love you. We'll all be rooting for you over here."

"I love you too, Auntie." Cookie switched calls. "Lucious? The hell do you want, boy? You in L.A. yet?"

"I'm at your house," Lucious informed her.

" _My_ house? What for?"

"Because I know your ass ain't packed yet," Lucious said lightly. "I know you and Anika are going together, but I thought I'd swing by so we can eat, drink and be merry. Where are you, anyway? We could all drink up together, you know. Maybe get a little of that threesome action?"

"I'm still at Anika's. Could you...could you come pick me up?" Cookie looked at the small boxes all around her. It just didn't seem real, but it was. "I have some stuff here that I need to take back to my place, and Anika's in Philly with my Aunt Maxine."

"Philly?" Lucious asked, confused. Anika's family lived in New York. It was Cookie who was from Philly, same as Lucious was. "Is everything okay? Some kind of family emergency?"

"No." Cookie's voice was growing shaky. "We broke up, Lucious. She wants me gone before she gets back. I got my stuff packed, but I can't carry it all...I just...I need to get out of here..."

"I'm on my way, Cookie," Lucious answered. No other explanations were needed.

"Thank you."

With everything packed and Lucious on his way, there nothing for Cookie to do. She didn't want to go back to Anika's bedroom, and she wasn't in the mood to read or watch TV. Cookie finally made her way to the kitchen to fix herself a drink. Far in the back of the pantry were the marijuana edibles that Kid Fo-Fo had given them when he was signed to Dynasty. Only one of the candies was missing – the one Anika ate the night that Cookie's guard was down, allowing Anika to be hurt in the first place.

It all came rushing back at once. The music, the atmosphere, the jokes and laughter, Crown Royal on ice and Anika moving like water, both in and out of the bed. The passionate lovemaking that had started with a blunt and ended with a house key thrown on a table.

Lucious found Cookie curled up on the kitchen floor, crying so hard that he'd heard her from the other side. "It's okay, Cookie," he assured her, kneeling by her side. "I got you." This had nothing to do with the Grammys or their marriage or even his ex-fiancee. Cookie was the mother of his children, and Lucious would always protect her. Seeing her so broken out the side of Lucious that nobody ever saw _but_ Cookie. "You're strong, Cookie. You're going to get through this. I'm here for you, okay?"

Cookie didn't feel strong, and she really didn't give a damn if Lucious was there for her or not. "Oh, my God," she kept saying over and over. "Oh, my God...it's over, Lucious..." Eventually, Lucious had to sit back on his hands with Cookie's head in his lap, as she was too upset to sit up. The biggest fear Cookie had since the minute she began to date Anika had come to pass after all. _Just look up and see me gone._

"You really love her, don't you?" Lucious asked softly.

The question set Cookie off all over again. Even Lucious knew how Cookie felt about Anika. How could Anika possibly not know? It was true that Cookie had never told Anika that she loved her. But that didn't mean that she _didn't._

TBC


	4. The Great Cookie Lyon

Walking through the airport on Lucious's arm, Cookie knew she was being mean and she knew she was being trifling and she knew Anika was about to become the joke of social media. But she didn't care. The cameras immortalized a beaming, waving Lucious and a stone-faced Cookie as they made their way inside his private jet. Before the airplane doors even closed, the entertainment world was on fire.

 _Cookie flew to L.A. in a private jet with Lucious. Cookie checked into a room with Lucious. Cookie ordered room service in Lucious's room. Cookie spent all night with Lucious._

Missing from all of those reports and those pictures were Andre and Rhonda, who also flew with them. Their faces were carefully cropped out of every picture that hit the internet. Additionally, Cookie and Lucious didn't share a room, but a suite – again, with Andre, Rhonda, Hakeem and Jamal. And Cookie's lavish room service request was nothing but hot water and tea bags to calm her nerves.

Cookie spending the night with Lucious _was_ true. She knew she would regret it in the morning, but Cookie was so exhausted and lonely and emotionally drained that even Lucious was better than nobody. "Can I fuck you?" Lucious asked, running his hand up Cookie's thigh.

"No." Cookie would've given him some, but that Lucious didn't understand the concept of a friendly fuck. Even walking through the airport together was proof to Lucious that he was the true love of Cookie's life and their reunion was inevitable. Being turned down flat didn't deter Lucious in the slightest. "Can I eat you to sleep?" he offered.

" _Lucious!"_ Cookie groaned. He was going to do this all damn night. "Hurry up," she ordered, rolling onto her back. So what it if it got back to Anika? It wasn't like they were in a relationship or anything. And it _did_ help Cookie sleep. So who cared if Anika was hurt over it all? _Cry, bitch,_ Cookie thought as she dozed off to sleep in Lucious's arms. _Cry like you made me cry._

* * *

 _Anika Calhoun_ and every variant of it was trending on Twitter by the time Anika woke up a full three hours ahead of Cookie, who was sleeping through the storm with the help of her ex-husband's tongue. Anika could put up with the jokes, the memes, the endless macros and GIFs about being dumped by Lucious and Cookie, along with the whispers that she had been involved with one of their sons. But it was Cookie flaunting her _"are we/aren't we"_ relationship with Lucious that had Anika crying so badly that her hands were splattered with hot coffee.

Lucious swore it was all about selling records. "The press loves it," he explained to Anika once when they were stuck together waiting for Cookie at Dynasty. "They see the kind of love me and Cookie had and they want it back again." The whole Bonnie and Clyde thing kept the press interested, and Anika understood that. And to Cookie's credit, she never played along. She didn't trash Lucious to the press, but she didn't play along, either. Not until today.

Even with all the other news going on, all the press could report was Cookie and Lucious. Cookie and Lucious eating breakfast together. Cookie and Lucious doing some last-minute shopping together. Cookie and Lucious at sound check, watching their boys rehearse. Lucious with his arms around Cookie, guiding her hands over piano keys (and what the _hell_ were they doing at a piano, anyway?) It didn't help that they looked so damned _good_ together. So natural, especially with their sons around. _Relationship goals_ squealed the blogs, as if Cookie hadn't done 17 years in prison for a man who fucked her over time and time again. It was more than Anika could stand.

"Why is she so mean, J.J.?" Anika's hands trembled so badly that J.J. had to stoop down and tie her shoelaces. J.J. was bringing his father, Jethro Senior, over to fix Maxine's kitchen sink. Also an avid runner, J.J. offered to run with her. Later, the four of them would eat breakfast together and play some Whist. "Why is Cookie doing this to me?"

Maxine had the same question. Cookie could be a mean little cuss, but she'd never been a vindictive person. Certainly Cookie had to know what she was doing. As soon as Anika and J.J. went into the kitchen for some water, Maxine reached for her cell phone. Despite her age, Maxine was quite tech savvy. She had to be, since all of her nieces and nephews only communicated via email and text.

"Cookie!" Maxine snapped the minute Cookie answered the phone. "What the hell is the matter with you? And is that _Lucious_ with you?" she demanded when she heard a man's voice in the background. "Are you really lying up with your ex-husband right now?"

"No, that's Andre. And we're not lying up anywhere. We're at sound check."

"Cookie, don't you lie to me! I can't believe you would-"

" _Andre!_ " Cookie screamed dead into the phone. "It's your aunt Maxine!"

Maxine spoke briefly to Andre, then asked straight out to talk to Cookie again. "You were saying something to me about being a liar?" Cookie asked smugly.

"Watch your goddamn mouth, Cookie," Maxine warned. "And tell me why the hell are you and Lucious playin' around at a muthafuckin' piano?"

Cookie sighed. "That was Lucious's last-minute idea. He wants us all to perform 'Ready to Go' tonight since we're all nominated for that one song. United family front and all that jazz."

"You're performing tonight?" Anika, who was coming around the corner, paused at Maxine's question _. Cookie's performing tonight?_ She hadn't said a thing about it to Anika.

"I'm not happy about it, but I know the chords well enough to play them without embarrassing myself. I'm really just up there for show. I hope they turn the mics off," Cookie added, since she would be singing as well.

"Well, while you're playing around on the piano with your ex-husband, you _need_ to be talking to your woman!" Maxine shouted into the phone.

"I don't have a woman, Aunt Maxine! Remember? That bitch broke up with me! And where is she, anyway?" Cookie asked without thinking.

Maxine looked over at Anika and J.J. "J.J. came over last night and asked her out. They're about to leave now." Maxine's story was true in the sense that _out_ was _out for a five-mile run_.

"Uh-uh, Aunt Maxine!" J.J. whispered, waving his arms around like mad. "Don't be putting my name in this! You know Cookie crazy!"

Maxine tried not to laugh. On the other end of the line, Cookie was yelling so loud that they could all hear her through the phone. "Cookie, you just said _– watch your fucking mouth, little girl!_ – you just said that you was single and didn't have to answer to – hello? _Hello!?"_

"Don't tell me she hung up on you, Aunt Maxine," J.J. said, his eyes wide at Cookie's audacity.

"She sure did, and-" Just then, Anika's telephone rang. "Don't answer it!" Maxine ordered. "That's Cookie. Let that bitch sweat."

Anika's heart ached to hear Cookie's voice again, and she did. Cookie had left Anika a hate-filled voice mail with every insult and obscenity that she could cram into a two-minute allotted space. Only Cookie could set out to make Anika the world's biggest fool, then get mad at the idea of her going out on a date with her cousin. It was so Cookie-like that Anika had to laugh.

"What's good, niece?" Uncle Jethro called out from under the kitchen sink.

"You'll never believe this." Anika played the message for Cookie's family, who all laughed so hard that Anika played it again twice. It actually got funnier and funnier with every repeat. Cookie sounded so unhinged that anyone who didn't know her would think that Cookie had found a new religion in the Sweater God. _("Bitch, if you put your fuckin' hands on my fam, I swear to God…")_ At some point, someone – probably Lucious - took the phone away from her. "Cookie can act as tough as she wants to," J.J. said, putting his arm around Anika. "But if that don't tell you where Cookie's heart is right now, nothing does."

"Yeah, but all that goddamn cussing and name calling ain't called for!" Maxine couldn't believe her foul-mouthed niece. "Whatchu gon' about it, Anika?"

Anika grinned mischievously. "I'm going to have a little fun with my Sugar Cookie. J.J., let me borrow you for a minute."

"Uh-uh! I told y'all, Cookie's crazy! I ain't tryna get cut!" But J.J. thought Cookie was as wrong as his father and his aunt, so he took a selfie of himself kissing Anika on the cheek. All he could do was pray as Anika sent it to Cookie.

By the time they were finished with their run, both J.J. and Anika had been bombarded with nearly a dozen text messages that translated to _who-you-finna-try,_ all in caps-caps-caps. "I oughta sell these shits to TMZ and get crazy paid," J.J. laughed, pulling a bag of clean clothes from his car. "My cousin must love the shit out of you to act like this, huh?"

"Guess so." If Cookie could just be humble instead of antagonistic, Anika would gladly take Cookie back. She didn't even consider them broken up, not really. They'd had a fight. Okay so Anika had given back her house key and told Cookie to pack all her stuff, but she didn't really mean it. Why couldn't Cookie just say she was sorry? Why did she have to clap back like _this_? "She's going to make me pay for this, though," Anika said sadly as she followed J.J. into the house. "Believe me, J.J., Cookie's going to make me pay."

* * *

"OGs versus young'uns!" Jethro declared after breakfast, then regretted it almost immediately. For the first time in his life, J.J. finally knew what it was like to beat his father at Whist. He and Anika beat Maxine and Jethro three games in a row. But the victory was short-lived. Soon the young'uns were overwhelmed with experience combined with mind games, and the OGs whooped and hollered as Anika and J.J. lost five games straight.

Anika never thought she could feel so at home with Cookie's family, especially without Cookie present. Playing Whist and talking trash helped Anika put her anger aside. "Okay, sugar," Jethro said as the four of them took a break for lunch. "Tell us what happened. Let's see how we can solve this right here."

Over BLTs, lemonade, homegrown pickles and fresh peach pie, Anika relayed the details of the fight to Maxine, Jethro and J.J. The OGs listened sympathetically as Anika told them about Cookie's last ditch effort to bring Anika to Los Angeles, and how she'd never claimed to have loved Anika. Anika spoke of being tired of their so-called secret relationship, which was a secret to absolutely nobody, and how she was sick of Cookie's constant cold shoulder.

"Sorry, Anika," Maxine judged when Anika was done, "but I gotta take my niece's side on this one." Jethro was nodding in agreement.

"What?" J.J. asked. Just listening to the conversation made his heart hurt. _I never said I loved you, Boo Boo Kitty._ What kind of cold-blooded shit was that? "How can you say that, Aunt Maxine?"

"Because this was something important to Cookie and Anika made it all about her," Jethro answered. "Baby girl, you gotta know when to stand your ground and this wasn't the time. You should be by your lady's side tonight, Anika."

"As what?" Anika asked hotly. "Her best friend? Her right-hand man? Her rock?"

"As whatever she needed you to be, baby," Maxine answered gently. "Is it too late for you to go?"

Hearing Jethro and Maxine's reasoning just made Anika feel even worse, but her mind was made up. "I have to see this one through, Aunt Maxine. Cookie has to know that she can't keep treating me like she does and expect me to put up with just because she's the great Cookie Lyon."

Maxine chuckled as Jethro and J.J. began to do the dishes in Maxine's now-repaired sink. "Well, since you definitely staying with me tonight," Maxine offered. "I'ma get your head in my shampoo bowl so we can do something about that hair. And we can talk some more, 'cause we definitely need to do some talking about my niece."

"You sound like Cookie now," Anika laughed. "She swears she's going to cut it in my sleep."

"Well, she should!" Maxine ran her hands though Anika's bangs, but her hair just flopped back into her eyes. "I'm sorry, baby, but it's bothering me. You and them eyebrows."

"Why?" Anika asked. "Do they remind you of your upper lip?"

"Awww, humbug!" Jethro hooted and laughter filled the kitchen. "I say hum- _bug_! Doon, baby, doon!" It might have been unofficial, but Anika was a Holloway now, the great Cookie Lyon be damned.

* * *

There were a number of pre-parties to attend before the official ceremony started. Higher-ups and muckity-mucks, such as Anika, had internet codes to stream the footage from these exclusive affairs. Hakeem had chosen the one that was for the younger, hip-hop crowd – the kind that made music with Frooty Loops and endless samples. Jamal had gone with him to make sure he wouldn't make an ass of himself, then slipped into the party with the more talented, established musicians who sat around instruments, played music, and basically ate, drank and were merry. He stuck around until Andre showed up, then ducked back into the other party with his brother.

Cookie wasn't surprised when someone handed Lucious a guitar. For hours, Cookie laughed and danced with Andre as Lucious played alongside some of music's most prominent singers and entertainers. Lucious loved to perform almost as much as he loved to make music, and he was amazing at both. Then Lucious sat at a piano and began to play a little tune - one of the most famous piano intros in the history of R&B music. It sounded like tears falling.

"Don't you dare," Cookie whispered out loud, though Lucious couldn't hear her. "Don't you dare do this to me, Lucious." But Lucious dared. Of _course_ he did.

 _I've been so many places in my life and time_  
 _I've sung a lot of songs_  
 _I've made some bad rhymes_  
 _I've acted out my life on stages_  
 _With 10,000 people watching_  
 _But we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you_

Sitting on that stage with nothing but a stool – with no backing musicians and no track and easily 10,000 people watching if the stream numbers were included - Lucious poured his soul into Donny Hathaway's "A Song for You," just as he'd done on the night he was desperately trying to keep Cookie from leaving their marriage. He'd been 18 and Cookie had been 17 with a baby on her hip, screaming about the rent and the heat and that goddamned sitar he'd just had to have.

 _I know your image of me is what I hoped to be_  
 _I treated you unkindly_  
 _And darling can't you see_  
 _There's no one more important to me_  
 _Baby can't you see through me_  
 _Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you_

Cookie hadn't said anything when Lucious bought an electric guitar to go with the acoustic one, though he rarely played it. She'd kept her mouth shut when Lucious somehow wound up with a baby grand piano, even though it barely fit in their living room. Cookie had to lift the baby over her head and shimmy into the living room until Andre was old enough to crawl under it. But a _sitar?_

Cookie didn't even know what a sitar was, and she had the feeling Lucious didn't, either. All Lucious knew was that it was an instrument with strings on it. But the sounds he could make with it were like nothing anyone in the hood had ever heard before, Cookie knew that much. She couldn't believe that Lucious could make such an R&B classic sound so different on a sitar – and where in the blue fuck did he learn how to play a sitar?

 _You taught me precious secrets_  
 _Of a true love, withholding nothing_  
 _You came out in front and I was hiding_  
 _Now I'm so much better_  
 _And if my words don't come together_  
 _Listen to the melody_  
 _Cuz my love is in there hiding_

And then that delicate piano intro again. This time, Cookie couldn't stop the tears from falling. Lucious was singing this song for Cookie then, and he was singing this song for Cookie now. His voice was so raw and so full of passion and anguish that every single person in the room and on the internet knew he was singing to Cookie. Andre, no longer the baby on her hip, held Cookie in his arms for no other reason than to keep her from fainting. He had no idea why his mother was so overwhelmed, but Andre knew it had something to do with the song his father was playing.

It didn't help that there were large screens throughout the room, and Cookie's teary half-smile was on every one of them. Twitter was all alive with #TeamLookie and #relationshipgoals and #empiredynasty. Hundreds of theories about what the song meant to Cookie and Lucious were born.

 _I love you in a place where there's no space or time_  
 _I love you for my life_  
 _You' re a friend of mine_  
 _And when my life is over_  
 _Remember when we were together_  
 _We were alone and I was singing this song to you_

On the other side of the country, Maxine just shook head at Anika's laptop and cursed her niece's insolence once again. Anika wasn't surprised at this little stunt. They probably planned this bullshit. "A Song for You"? The very song that was first playing in Anika's apartment before she switched to the Isley Brothers? Was Lucious going to bust out a Stratocaster next and play "All In My Lover's Eyes" or "Between the Sheets"?

 **Why are you doing this to me?** Anika texted to Cookie once the pre-Grammy parties were over and Cookie was ready to walk the red carpet – the very place she'd told Anika she was going to avoid – with Lucious and their sons. _Cookie and Lucious walked the red carpet together. Cookie and Lucious did their interviews together. Cookie and Lucious are sitting together. Cookie and Lucious are going to perform tonight together._ Of course, Anika never got an answer in reply. And Anika had a sinking suspicion that Cookie wasn't through with her yet.

* * *

In the seven years Maxine spent in prison, she learned a number of trades. Hairdressing was one of them. Before the required state licenses and hundreds of hours of classes, Maxine ran a salon out of her basement, and still did hair from time to time to supplement her Social Security income. Most women ran their mouths in Maxine's chair, but Anika seemed to do the opposite. In fact, Maxine had to gently shake her awake shortly before Lucious made his public claim for Cookie's love. How Anika fell asleep with her head at such an angle was beyond Maxine.

"Funny thing about what you said about Cookie," Maxine said when Anika cut off the streaming event and sat back down in Maxine's chair to have her split ends trimmed. "You sounded a lot like Lucious then. He would always have his feet under my table with his lip poked out _, talkin' 'bout 'why she so mean, Maxine? Why don't she never tell me she love me, Maxine?'"_ Maxine dusted the hair off Anika's shoulders and continued to trim. "She was always trying to get a reaction from Lucious. And Lucious was cool as a cucumber. Cookie always thought that meant he didn't love her, no matter how many times I told her that was silly. Shit, I had a husband that almost loved me to death. I would've paid for a man like Lucious, and she was always messing with him."

Like always, just thinking about Jerome made Maxine's body ache. It was stabbing Jerome in the heart that landed Maxine in prison, reduced from 18 years for good behavior. "But Lucious always just let it go. He knew how bad Cookie had it coming up, and the kind of stuff her and her sisters went through. That's why when Lucious called Jethro about Billy, wasn't a damn thing Jethro could do about it but wonder where Billy's body was going to be found."

"What?" Anika sat up so fast that she nearly nicked her eyebrow on Maxine's tweezers. "You mean Lucious…how did he…"

Maxine guided Anika's head back down. "Hang on. Lemme finish this first." Anika's heart raced as Maxine carefully plucked and shaped Anika's eyebrows. "Did Cookie ever tell you that Billy was my brother?" Maxine asked when she was finally finished.

"Your brother? I thought he was your cousin?"

"That, too." Maxine smiled grimly. "Billy was my cousin because he was the son of my father's brother, Ray. And he was my brother because he was my mother Mary Jo's son. She had Billy with Ray, but then she married my daddy. So don't let anybody talk to you about anybody you've been with, because I promise you, it don't beat our family. I knew why you left, Anika," Maxine added gently while Anika absorbed Maxine's words. "Daddy knew it, too. He _hated_ Billy, and not just because he was his brother's son. He knew something wasn't right with that boy."

"Did Billy ever hurt you?" Anika asked, horrified at the thought that Billy had been a predator his entire life.

"Not me, no. He knew Daddy would break his neck because I was his only girl. But there were other girls in our family. He got to Janine - that was Cookie's mother. Her mother and my mother were sisters. Anyway, my mama whipped Janine for being fast. Said she carried some of the blame, even though she was only 12. I was about nine, Anika, and even I knew that was wrong."

Anika digested the information. "I don't know what happened with Candace because she won't talk about it. But there was this short time when Cookie and Lucious went to live with Ray and his wife Estelle, and Billy was living there at the time. He would put holes in the walls and watch Cookie get dressed. Even watch her when she peed." Maxine shuddered. "God, he was a nasty bastard. Lucious caught him one time and nearly killed him. Cookie spared Billy's life that time, but not this time. This man had hurt her Kitten. It was all over for him."

Maxine winked and Anika bushed at Cookie's nickname for her. "Cookie called Lucious, and Lucious called Jethro. He told Jethro that Billy had to go and how it was going to happen, and where. He was giving Jethro the opportunity to step in and do something because he respected our family like that. This whole thing with you was really more like unfinished business."

"What did Jethro say?"

"I don't know. That's men's business. I don't ask about that kind of thing. But knowing Jethro, he probably didn't say anything. See, if Jethro wanted to speak for Billy, he would have to have a sit down with Lucious, and they'd have to chop it up, and I don't think Jethro even cared that much. If it was up to me, he woulda got got long before now. But you know how it is with family. Always tryna protect each another and bury shit. We was always telling the girls to stick together and never be alone with him, when we shoulda been telling Billy's sick ass to drink bleach."

A horrible thought came to Anika. "Do you think he got to Cookie when Cookie was younger?" Anika asked.

"Hell, naw. I know that for a fact. See, Billy wasn't gonna mess with the girls he thought was gonna tell it. I was one of those girls. So was Cookie. She didn't give a damn about no reputations or anything like that. Cookie was gonna tell it! He knew Candace was too quiet and Carol was too scared. But Cookie took Carol when she got married, so I don't think he ever got to her."

The next question was a delicate one, but Anika had to know the answer. "With all due respect, Maxine, if everybody knew what was happening, how come nobody did anything?"

"We didn't know until much later. Remember, this was back when the worst thing a girl could be was 'fast'. So if it was happening to you, you sure as hell weren't gonna tell anyone. Janine didn't even tell anybody. Billy got caught messing with her. Same thing with Candace. I think that was the first time I ever remember thinking that there was a pattern to what he was doing. And even then, it was like…I don't know, like a bunch of isolated incidents. We never did put them together until it was too late."

Having finished Anika's hair and eyebrows, Maxine tilted Anika's chin. "I'm so sorry Billy hurt you, baby," she said. "We should've protected the girls in this family a long time ago, long before you came along. Maybe Cookie didn't think enough of herself, or maybe she didn't connect the dots like we didn't. But she sure as hell thought enough of you to get this taken care of. You remember that the next time you come down on the great Cookie Lyon because she doesn't give you enough hugs, you hear me?"

"I hear you." Anika shook out the towel draped over her body and reached for a broom to sweep up the strands of hair.

"I mean it, Anika. She's trying, baby, she really is." Maxine cleaned out her sink and began to put up her tools as she spoke. "You gotta remember, Anika. 17 years…whatever kind of love you think Cookie is going to give your or should be giving you, you ain't gonna get it. That happy, bubbly woman who was always so proud to be on Lucious's arm is long dead. You got a woman who's always gonna play her cards close to her chest. One foot out the door, always ready to run if she thinks you're about to leave her like Lucious did."

"But I'm not going to leave Cookie like Lucious did!"

"Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Maxine snorted. "You just dumped her yesterday."

The fallout of Anika's hasty words were starting to become clearer and clearer. "Oh, my God," Anika groaned loudly. "I need to make this better. I need-I need to leave."

"Might as well stay the night, sweetheart. Stay here and watch the Grammys with me and eat some dinner. They're about to start soon, and Cookie isn't flying out until tomorrow, I'm sure."

Anika followed Maxine up the stairs. Maxine's stories made so much of Cookie's background clear. Her emotionless words and her constant reticence made a lot more sense now. There was just one thing Anika didn't understand. Maybe it was because there was too much information to take in all at once. but Anika feel like she was still missing a major point. "Lucious hates me," she said, seemingly out of nowhere. "How did he get involved with the whole Billy thing? Why would he go out of his way to protect me?"

"Cookie," Maxine answered. Hadn't she made that clear? Apparently not. "He did it because Cookie asked him to. And he'll do it again and again and again, Anika. That's way I don't like this thing Cookie's doing with Lucious," Maxine added, watching the two of them on the red carpet, hand in hand with their sons around them. "Cookie's playing with fire. She can't keep jerking Lucious along like she's doing just to sell a few records. There comes a time when she's going to have to make a choice, and she's gonna have to do it soon."

* * *

#EmpirevsDynasty was the #1 trending hashtag when the Grammys began, and by the time Song of the Year was about to be announced, the numbers were neck and neck. Hakeem had won Best Rap Album and Best Rap Song, but lost Best New Artist to Freda Gatz. Anika was proud of the way Hakeem stood up to silence the booing crowd, even if he did stand up in his chair. He even escorted a stunned Freda to the stage to accept her award. "This isn't about Empire versus Dynasty tonight," Freda announced to the crowd. "This is all about love. This is my brother right here."

"Yeah, right," Anika muttered. Empire was up by two.

Then, in the blink of an eye, Empire was up by one and Anika became a Grammy award-winning songwriter. "Black and Blue" had beaten "Ready to Go" for Song of the Year. "That should be you up there, accepting your award," Maxine lovingly scolded, and she leaned over to kiss a beaming Anika on the cheek. It meant more to Anika than she realized. Suddenly, she wished she was there with Cookie, even if it meant having to walk on stage from the parking lot.

V. Bozeman stepped up to receive her Grammy. She thanked God, her family, Cookie and Anika, and the Lyon Dynasty label. Cookie thanked the label, V. Bozeman, her family – blood and imprisoned - and God. And that was it. No mention of Anika at all. Had Cookie spit on the ground and said "fuck you, Boo Boo Kitty," it wouldn't have hurt as bad. _Oh, Cookie,_ Maxine thought as Anika's body sagged in disappointment. _How could you?_

"I'm going to bed," Anika said quietly. Cookie had humiliated her for the last time today.

"Baby, she might have forgotten your name." It was a patronizing thought, and they both knew it.

"How could she forget my name when they just said it?" It was another way to pay Anika back, to humiliate her for sending that selfie this morning. "V even said it, but not Cookie? Like that wasn't intentional. Good night, Aunt Maxine."

Anika didn't bother to watch the Lyons perform 'Ready to Go'. Someone _supposedly_ let it slip the day before that this was the song that would win Record of the Year, which was why the Lyons were performing it. Lucious, who hated the sound of the electric guitar, sounded incredible. Jamal and Hakeem looked like seasoned pros. By now, Jamal had two Grammys to add to his own mantle – Best R &B Album and Best R&B Song – with two more to go, having already lost one to Anika, Cookie and V.

Surprisingly, Cookie's piano playing was damned solid. "Go 'head, Cookie!" Maxine shouted with Holloway pride, forgetting that Anika had gone upstairs. The arrangers had given her a simple arrangement – nothing to write home about - but Cookie didn't miss a note. She even threw in a few fills, although any pianist would know that she was largely playing scales. Still, Cookie threw them in at just the right times, and wasn't that what music was all about? The right note, the right beat, the right rhyme at the right time?

It turned out that Cookie's mic was on after all. Again, she was merely singing backup to Jamal along with the rest of the background singers. But Cookie sang so rarely that it was a surprise to hear her voice. At one point, Jamal walked over to his mother and they began to sing into the same mic. It drove the crowd absolutely crazy, but not nearly as crazy as when the whole family took a bow and Lucious scooped Cookie into his arms, kissing her in front of the world.

#TeamLookie was trending all over again, but Maxine knew her niece well. Judging by Cookie's facial expressions and body language, Maxine knew that Cookie didn't like that at all. But what the hell could she say or do? It was the goddamned Grammys, for crying out loud. And Lucious knew Cookie was powerless to do anything. He was as smooth as ever. And just as manipulative.

* * *

There wasn't much more to watch when they were finished performing. Just a couple more awards and Maxine could turn it off. Unfortunately, since Jamal was nominated for Album of the Year, Maxine was forced to sit with it until the very end. Maxine sat through the ever changing tally - a win for Empire, a win for Dynasty, two for Empire. Two more major awards to give out, and the score was currently tied.

" _And the winner for Record of the Year is_ … _'Ready to Go' by Jamal Lyon, Hakeem Lyon, Lucious Lyon and Cookie Lyon!_ "

Anika sat watching from the staircase. Even with everything the Great Cookie Lyon had done to her, it was hard not to be proud. Cookie had told Anika that she wanted it more for "Mimosa" than "Ready to Go," but Anika secretly thought Cookie would be happier to win one with her family than against them. The brothers were hugging tightly while Lucious gallantly took Cookie by the arm to walk her up to the stage.

Jamal and Hakeem accepted their award with youthful exuberance, much quicker than they had the last one. They both insisted that tonight it was all about the Lyons, not Empire or Dynasty. _Yeah, right._ "Ready to Go" counted as an Empire win. Just one more award – Album of the Year – to be announced. At best, the labels could only tie. Maybe that was for the best.

Lucious stepped up and announced that he was going to give his allotted time to _"the love of my life, this woman right here, the great Cookie Lyon!"_ As usual, the crowd ate it up, especially when he kissed Cookie on the cheek. As usual, Anika quietly died inside.

And then it was Cookie's turn. _"Thank you, Lucious. I'm so glad I got the chance to come back up here. There's one person I forgot to thank when I was up here for my last award, and that's Anika Calhoun."_

Tears welled up in Anika's eyes against her will. It was a token gesture, but at least Cookie had remembered her. "See?" Maxine said from her chair, knowing all the while that Anika was sitting on the stairs behind her. She knew that somehow – _somehow_ \- Cookie would make good.

Anika knew what was coming next. How many times had she heard these bullshit words Cookie was about to speak? _"Anika, you are…"_

"My best friend," Anika mimicked sarcastically, joining Maxine in the living room.

" _My best friend…"_

"My right-hand man…"

" _My right-hand man…"_

"You are…my rock, Anika."

" _You are…the love of my life, Anika."_

 _What?_

"Ahhh, sukie-sukie," Maxine said under her breath. Cookie was about to make a whole _lot_ of good. _"I love you so much, and…I get it now. I get it."_ The murmuring and the roaring of the crowd was audible. _"I miss you, and I love you, and I can't wait to bring this home. Thank you. Thank you all!"_

Blindly reaching for the back of Maxine's chair to keep her from fainting, Anika watched as Jamal put one arm around Cookie's waist, and Hakeem put another on the other side as they walked off stage, awards in hand. Trailing behind them was Lucious, his expression noticeably sulky and pissed. His public bid to get Cookie back had ended in the most embarrassing possible way. The love of his life, Ms. Cookie Lyon, had just publicly announced her love to the _former_ love of his life. Just like that, Lucious Lyon became the world's biggest simp.

There was only one way for Anika to take Cookie's announcement – on her knees, with her face tilted towards hell. _Oh, my God. Oh, my God…_ It was so Cookie-like that Anika could've slapped Cookie Lyon. How dare she? _How dare she?_

"Anika?" Maxine prompted when Anika stood silently, her body slightly swaying on the floor. "Baby? Are you okay?"

Anika up looked at Maxine, and Maxine was shocked to see that the younger woman's eyes were cold as ice. "She's no better than Lucious and his stunts. Don't you see, Aunt Max?" she prompted when Maxine's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Cookie didn't do this for me! She did it to make Lucious look stupid. She didn't want me to sit with her or walk with her because of all this 'focus on the music bullshit!' But she'll out me in front of the whole world?"

"Baby," Maxine tried to calm Anika down, to no avail. "I told you. You gotta let Cookie be Cookie. She's trying, baby."

"Oh, that's _bullshit_ , Aunt Maxine!" Anika raged. "She's as selfish and self-centered as she's always been, and I hate her!" The last words exploded from her mouth like a cannonball. The jokes, the memes, the day-long mind fucking, and now this. " _I hate Cookie Lyon!"_ Anika screamed so loudly that the dogs next door began to bark. Unable to take it for even a moment longer, Anika curled into a ball on the floor and cried.

There was nothing else Maxine could do but to coax Anika into standing up and lead Anika back to bed. "I hate Cookie," was all Anika said over and over on her way to the bedroom, and she was still saying it when Maxine brought her up a hot toddy, the same drink that had calmed her down the night before. "Why is she doing this to me, Aunt Max? God, I hate Cookie her so much..."

"No, you don't, baby. No, you don't." Maxine stroked Anika's now-cut hair out of her eyes. Together, curled up in Anika's bed, Anika sipped her drink and calmed down enough to watch the Grammy wrap-up online. There was Cookie posing with her awards. Cookie and Hakeem posing with their awards – two for Cookie, three for Hakeem. There was Cookie, Lucious and their sons all posing with awards – three for Hakeem and Jamal, two for Cookie and one for Lucious. Lucious was still as salty as he'd been all night. He couldn't even put it away to congratulate his ex-wife and his sons.

More pictures of Cookie, Hakeem, Elle Dallas – who had beaten Jamal for Album of the Year and also scored Best Rock Album – and V. Bozeman, along with, _of all the people in the world,_ Kid Fo-Fo. It was Kidd Fo-Fo's Grammy for Best Contemporary Gospel Performance that made Dynasty beat Empire by just one award after all. Because it hadn't been announced on the show, the Lyon Dynasty artists had learned just minutes before the picture was taken. Nobody looked more shocked than Kid Fo-Fo, who had merely come out to support his label mates.

"Gospel?" Maxine asked. Even her old ass knew that _gospel_ and _Kid Fo-Fo_ didn't go together.

"He did some rap bridge on a song that got him nominated. Come to think of it, I think Cookie might have been a writer on that one, too. But I think that award goes to the performers. I don't remember." The whiskey in Anika's drink was beginning to kick in, fast and hard.

Maxine turned off Anika's computer and set it aside, tucking Anika in bed like a small child. "Cookie loves you, baby. Don't ever forget that. She might not show it like she should, and she might not say it. But Cookie Lyon loves her some Anika Calhoun. Now the world knows it."

 _I never said I love you, Boo Boo Kitty._ "How do you know that?" Anika asked. Like the night before, she was half-sleepy and half-drunk. "How do you know what she said is even true?"

"Oh, honey." How sad it was that Anika doubted the woman she loved so much. "She told me, long ago. Long ago."

"Of course she did," Anika mumbled, drifting off to sleep. "She'll tell the world. She just won't tell me. I hate that bitch."

"Do you, Anika?" Maxine stroked Anika's hair as fresh tears came to her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, child, you are _always_ welcome in my home, no matter what happens between you and Cookie. But...do you really hate my niece like you say you do?"

Slowly, slowly, Anika shook her head. "No," she finally said before she fell asleep. "I don't hate Cookie. I hate myself for loving her like I do."

Maxine didn't press the issue further. Her heart broke for this small, slight young woman who had lost so much behind being Cookie girlfriend and _still_ cried for Cookie in her sleep. _I hate myself for loving her like I do._ What could Maxine say to that?

* * *

 **U did good niece. Proud of u.**

Hours later, when all the pictures had been taken and Twitter was finally back up and running, Cookie texted back. Cookie knew that Maxine wasn't referring to Cookie's awards. **Is she still mad at me?** **I didnt mean 2 do it. It just came out.**

That's what Maxine had assumed, just like she that Cookie hadn't meant to forget Anika's name. **Shes mad as hell,** Maxine texted back. **She thinks u did it 2 make Lucious look bad. Ill talk 2 her in the morning.** After a moment, Maxine added, **Hakeem got robbed.**

 **Everybody knows who Best New Artist is! But I told him 2 b humble. Runnin around with his little Grammys. Dynasty beat Empire. That's all I care about. #lyondynasty** After a few minutes, Cookie added, **Kiss my kitten 4 me :***

When Maxine checked up on Anika, she found Anika asleep with her almost-dead phone cradled in her hands. Having woken up in the middle of the night, Anika played Cookie's speech over and over until her battery ran low. _"Anika, you are my best friend…my right-hand man. You are…the love of my life, Anika. I love you so much, and…I get it now. I get it."_

Maxine kissed Anika on the cheek, then carefully took the phone from Anika's hands and plugged it into the wall charger. If Cookie would just open up a little more and if Anika would lower her shield a little more, these two could make it. They had a real chance. Besides, they _had_ to make it. Cookie and Anika's relationship made for great comedy fodder. When Jamal tweeted that Cookie's nickname for Anika used to be Boo Boo Kitty, #BooBooCookie, along with #LuciousSongstoCookie trended well into night. Until she finally went to bed, Maxine sat and read Twitter, looked at pictures and memes of a fuming Lucious and laughed until she cried.

TBC

* * *

Note: "A Song for You" was written and recorded by Leon Russell. Donny Hathaway's version is arguably the best known.


	5. Leaving on a Jet Plane

"C'mere and let me give you these things Daddy wanted you to have while those waffles cook," Maxine called to Anika as she prepared to rent a car to drive back to New York the next morning. "They're right here on this table."

Inside a large box in the living room was what had to be tens of thousands of dollars' worth of Negro League Baseball memorabilia - baseball cards, pennants, autographs and pictures, pictures, pictures. Even a couple of shirts, plus another baseball cap to add to her collection. The Holy Grail of it all was the material related to the Philadelphia Stars' Negro League Pennant win in 1934. "I can't take these!" Anika gasped, refusing to even touch the contents inside the box. "It's your family's legacy."

"Yeah, it's our legacy, and we threw it away. Daddy wanted you to have these things. That's what he was doing the day he died, looking for more stuff for you."

Still disbelieving of her good fortune, Anika carefully went through the box as if everything inside was made of gold. "Jethro was the one who found Daddy the day he passed," Maxine informed Anika. "He said that Daddy had a smile on his face."

The thought of Dickey dying alone in an attic, surrounded by boxes and memories, set Anika off all over again. "Don't cry, baby," Maxine whispered in Anika's ear as Anika sobbed hard that she began to hiccup. For once since she came to Philly, Cookie Lyon was the last thing on Anika's mind. "Daddy passed soft as cream, Anika. Just closed his eyes for a little nap and didn't wake back up. The man was 97, sugar. He was gonna die sometime."

"I just-miss him-so much," Anika hiccuped. "I should have come to the funeral."

"Daddy knew how much you loved him, baby. He wouldn't have wanted you to be upset." Maxine would forever be grateful to this young woman who pulled her father out of his shell in his last few months. "You know, I didn't even know my daddy played in the Negro Leagues until I was about nine or so? He wouldn't talk about it at all. I remember one time when Jethro found that cap you're holding and wore it to school, bragging about how his daddy played with Satchel Page. Daddy wore his ass out."

Anika laughed. She knew that Satchel didn't join the team until 1950; Dickey had stopped playing by then. "I thought Daddy whipped Jethro because he was lying. I know better now." Almost 60 years later, Maxine could still hear her brother's screams and the sound of leather on his young skin. "Somewhere towards the end, Daddy started making peace with his past and wanted to talk baseball again. Only by then, nobody wanted to hear his ranting and hollering about this and that. So nobody would listen to him about that baseball stuff…"

"…until I came along," Anika finished sadly.

"You were his sunshine every day, Anika," Maxine finished, kissing Anika on one of her freshly plucked eyebrows. "You were on his mind when he died. So those things are yours now."

While Maxine finished cooking breakfast, Anika curled up on the couch and began to go over Dickey's precious possessions. "Handsome, wasn't he?" Maxine asked proudly when Anika found a baseball card from Dickey's rookie year. All the Holloways looked alike, and Anika could see a lot of Cookie in her great-uncle. Big, too – it was probably where Andre got his size from.

"Sure was," Anika replied with a smile. "But what's up with these dates?" she asked, looking at a baseball card from 1944. "They don't seem to match up with the right time frame." Worse, the name and numbers on the back were so faded that Anika could barely make them out. These weren't the stats of a veteran player like Dickey. They were barely rookie numbers.

"Oh, Daddy lied when he joined the Leagues. He told the people he was 19, but he was really just 15. He was so big that nobody questioned him." That still didn't account for the mass discrepancies – the numbers were off by a good eight years or so – and Anika knew that she would have to sit down and line the dates up very carefully in order to get Dickey's true statistics.

As Anika carefully handled the faded, yellowed clippings, she began to see a pattern when it came to Dickey's baseball stats. They weren't Hall of Fame worthy, but as far as the Negro Leagues went, they were more than good enough for him to be named with some of the very greats he was standing with. He'd even gotten a hit – a double - in that pennant race back in 1934, when he'd barely turned 16. Even stranger, Dickey's numbers got higher and higher and higher, and then they just stopped. With the exception of his unexceptional rookie year, a two-year gap from Dickey's years in the navy, and that weird year with the weird numbers, Dickey Holloway was probably one of the best second basemen the Stars ever had, if not the best.

Anika had no doubt whatsoever that Dickey would've been called up to the majors had he kept playing ball. "Did Uncle Dickey ever say why he stopped playing?" Anika asked Maxine began to prepare four plates – hers, Anika's, Jethro's and J.J.'s.

"I don't know, sugar. Like I said, I didn't even know my daddy played in the Negro Leagues until someone showed me an old newspaper clip. Jethro," Maxine called as father and son came into the house, cards in hand. "Did Daddy ever talk about why he stopped playing baseball?"

"Hell, no," Jethro answered. "Mama told us we weren't to ever talk about it." He smiled at Anika poring over his father's possessions. "Maybe you'll be able to answer that question one day, Anika. God knows we never found out what made Daddy so angry all those years. I sure wish we would've listened."

"Or I would've listened," Anika finished miserably. "I was too busy having him talk about other stuff." Anika rose and placed Dickey's cap on Jethro's head, the one that he had been whipped for wearing so many years ago. Jethro touched the brim of the cap lightly, then placed a tender kiss on Anika's cheek and turned away before Anika could see his tears.

"No need to bring back all those bad memories during his last days." Maxine shooed Jethro out of the kitchen, where men were not allowed for anything other than home repair. "He really loved the game," Maxine called over the sound of running water. "I'd rather he was talking about that and remembering the good times than whatever it was that made him so bitter."

Something had made Cookie's uncle hang up his bat and glove, and it pained Anika to wonder what it is was. Just like it pained her to think about him dying alone, no matter what Maxine said. Had he truly just faded away? Or was it something else? _Please, God,_ Anika thought as she kissed Dickey's handsome face on the faded baseball card before carefully closing her treasured box. _Please let him have died happy._

* * *

Even though Anika had once been Empire's A&R, she never listened to the radio unless she was at work. Hooking her iPhone up to a radio receiver, Anika listened to old school music, Caribbean tunes and hard rock all the way back to New York. It wasn't until Anika was in a taxi headed back to her house that other shoe dropped. While Anika was talking baseball and playing Whist with Cookie's family one last time before she left, Cookie had announced that Dynasty was being absorbed into Empire once again, and that she was retiring from the music business. So was Lucious. And with that, the two of them boarded an airplane, arm in arm, with rumors spotting them in Boston, probably to remarry.

There was only one way for Andre to handle this crisis - in his chair, with his face titled towards heaven. "Oh my God. _Ohhh, my God._ "

Along with #EmpireDynasty, #LuciousSongstoCookie was still trending on Twitter. There were the classics– _I Can't Let Her Get Away, I Want You Back, Ain't Too Proud to Beg,_ and so on. There were newer songs – _Geto Love, Gangsta Bitch, Me and My Girlfriend, etc._ A oft re-tweeted post was "anything Keith Sweat ever did." The overwhelming consensus was that the public was all about Lucious and Cookie. #TeamBooBooCookie was dead and buried by noon, but crying Michael Jordan's face on hundreds of Anika's pictures under the hashtag #AnikaBeLike was still going strong.

After retrieving her car from her house, Anika somehow managed to drive to the Empire building. She made her way through the lobby and straight to Andre's office, ignoring the whispers and stares that followed her down the halls and around the corners. "Anika, I swear I had no idea this was going to happen until about an hour ago. You've still got a job," Andre added, shuffling through the paperwork that was still warm from the fax machine. "Mom made sure of that. The terms were that you could pick your position, but you're not to be anything less than a chief unless you want to be. We can pay out your contract if you want to go somewhere else."

"I have more reasons to stay than Cookie Lyon, you know." Anika had been at Empire longer than Cookie had. She'd thrown nearly her entire adult life into either Empire or Dynasty. There were acts to be cultivated, awards to be won. Music to be made. "But Andre, I'm not thinking about any of this stuff right now." All Anika wanted to do was go to bed.

"I understand," Andre said, his voice filled with kindness.

"No," Anika corrected, no emotion in her voice. "You don't."

"You're right." Andre was in a state of shock, same as Anika, but at least he hadn't lost the woman he loved – and on a national stage at that. "All I can say is that I'm sorry, Anika."

"I'm sorry, too." Jamal walked into the room, closing the door behind him. "I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I just don't understand," he said, embracing Anika in a much-needed hug. "I don't get it…"

Like his brothers, Jamal was genuinely bewildered at his parents' behavior. The sudden departure, the announcement, the breakup with Anika not even 24 hours after Cookie's announcement…what the hell had happened between last night and this morning, when Cookie and Lucious ran off to Massachusetts to be together? Jamal perched himself on the side of Andre's desk. "Anika, I'm telling you. All Mom was thinking about last night was you."

"He's right, Anika," Andre supplied hurriedly. "All she could talk about was how she wished you were there and how sorry she was that she hadn't done the right thing. She said something about a billboard, too. Maybe that's why she's in Boston."

A billboard in Boston made even less sense than Cookie and Lucious eloping, but Anika was willing to believe anything at this point. "And Mom and Dad were fighting so loud that I'm surprised they didn't wind up on TMZ for that," Jamal added. "Dad kept saying over and over that he hadn't married a dyke. He said some real nasty stuff, but Mom stood her ground." Hearing such homophobic language from his father let Jamal know that Lucious wasn't as forward-thinking and reformed as Jamal had wanted to believe. "She said that she loved you, Anika, and that was just the way it was going to be."

"Is any of this supposed to make me feel better?" Anika placed her head between her knees to keep from passing out. "So what, she loved me last night and now she runs off to marry Lucious again? They were together _that night._ What the hell do you think happened, Jamal?"

Jamal could believe that his mom and dad has sex the night before, fight or no fight. But eloping? "I'm saying that if Cookie's run off to marry Lucious again, there _has_ to be a reason," Jamal answered. "And it's not a good one. Whatever the reason is, Anika, I promise you that it has nothing to do with love. Money, maybe. Or maybe it's a PR stunt. You know, Lucious and Cookie together again like Empire and Dynasty?"

"But why does she have to hurt _me_ like this?" Unable to stay upright in her chair anymore, Anika slumped to the floor and put her head on her knees. "Why couldn't she have told me about this before she did it?" she wailed, struggling to breathe.

"She didn't tell any of us, remember?" Jamal joined Anika on the floor. "Not to be mean or anything, but it's one thing if she didn't tell you. It's another thing entirely that she didn't tell her own family."

Anika knew Jamal was right, but it hurt like hell anyway. "We've got a good month before the relaunch, Anika," Andre told her. "You can be a part of all of it if you want to, but why don't you take a couple of weeks off? You can have as much time as you like."

"I can't." That was the worst part about it all. Anika didn't even have the dignity of being able to grieve by herself. The absorption of Dynasty into Empire had to be handled by Anika. "If I don't handle it all from our side, none of the Dynasty acts will ever respect me again."

"That makes sense." Andre helped Anika to her feet. "Well, if all of that ends in a timely fashion, feel free to take off until you're ready. And congratulations, by the way." He reached out to shake Anika's hand and wound up drawing her into a hug. "I don't like the circumstances of any of this," he said, his chin on the top of Anika's head. "But I'm glad we're all going to be together again."

* * *

At Dynasty, Anika had to be truthful and admit that she had no idea about the merge. She didn't mention that Andre and Jamal didn't know, either. That part came from Hakeem, who was even more upset than even Anika was. "So she ran off and left me again, huh?" he spat before going to address the LD crowd. Anika knew she should have stopped him, but she was too numb to care.

Surprisingly, Hakeem stepped up and became the unofficial spokesperson for Dynasty. "Lyon Dynasty has proven that we can stand on our own. But the Grammys proved that with all of us together as family, we can take over the music world completely."

"We have so much in store for you guys that you won't believe," Jamal promised the media, even though both of the brothers were lying their heads off. They had no idea what was in store. Nobody did.

For the next two weeks, Anika barely left her office in the Dynasty building. Working purely on autopilot, Anika allotted responsibilities to lawyers, financial officers, security, anybody she could think of. Even though Cookie was no longer a part of her life, Anika's life still revolved around Cookie. _Maybe going back to Empire isn't such a great idea after all._ If Anika left, however, everything that Hakeem and Jamal had been promising and building up would be shot to hell.

Then there were the artists to think about. Many of them hadn't bought Anika's story, especially after Anika changed her Twitter handle from ACalhounLD to ACalhounEmpire:

 **ACalhounEmpire: therealcookielyon got carried away at the #grammys calling me the love of her life  
ACalhounEmpire After we talked, we realized that it wasn't going to work out  
ACalhounEmpire: The bond b/t luciouslyonempire and therealcookielyon is just too strong! Wish them the best!  
ACalhounEmpire: Just like Dynasty and Empire are together again, so are Lucious and Cookie! #luciousandcookie #thuglovin  
ACalhounEmpire: Stay tuned for the reunion! Can't wait to be a part of it! #empiredynasty #togetheragain**

When Anika saw that one of the followers who liked and retweeted every one of those bullshit Tweets was therealcookielyon, Anika closed her laptop, binged on marijuana edibles and went to sleep. She would not waste any more tears on Cookie Lyon. She had run out of tears to cry.

* * *

In her spare time – not that there was much of it – Anika threw herself into the mystery of Dickey's baseball career. Maxine warned Anika from being obsessed, but Anika felt like she had to do something that wasn't related to Cookie or to Empire, lest she go crazy. For the next two weeks, with the help of Andre and Jamal, Anika carefully began to scan, crop and detail Dickey's memories for posterity. With a Stars shirt placed carefully on a hanger, Hakeem - an excellent artist like his great-uncle Jethro - began to mirror the logo by hand. He was afraid to wear the shirt in case it fell apart, so he planned to have a duplicate made so he could represent his great-great uncle in style.

It turned out that there was a Dickey Holloway Appreciation Page on Facebook, although it only had 11 members. Jamal contacted the owner of the page and asked if the Holloway/Lyon family could have sole access to it. The owner was a hotshot divorce attorney from Baltimore, and Jamal had to fly to the lawyer and cough up a ridiculous amount of cash, but the Holloway family was now the sole owner of the page.

Now there was just a matter of promoting it. Anika, like Andre, had little to do with social media. "I'll promote it," Hakeem offered, and so did Jamal. In less than a day, the brothers had ran the membership of the club up tenfold. "We'll have to make it a closed group," Anika sighed, as most of the new members were there to promote mixtapes.

There were a few real fans there. Most of them, sadly, didn't know who Dickey was. But a number of them were descendants of Negro League players. One of the new members of Dickey's relaunched Facebook page was Cookie Lyon. She might not have been speaking to anyone in her family, but she was obviously monitoring the progression of the merge. "Good to know she took her head from between Lucious's legs to give a shit," Hakeem groused. Out of all the brothers, he felt the most abandoned. It was one thing for Lucious to take off and not talk to anybody. Why did Lucious have to take their mother, too?

Over time, Anika's craving for Cookie faded away, like a fever. From time to time she came across a picture or a scribbling or a piece of clothing with Cookie's scent that reduced Anika to a blubbering mess. For the most part, she soldiered on better than anyone thought she'd be able to. It took a while for Anika to stop checking her phone every five minutes to see if Cookie had written her a text or thought to give her a call. Anika's only consolation – and it was very little consolation – was that Cookie wasn't communicating with anybody. Lucious shot his sons a few emails from time to time, but that was only to communicate about the launch. He also said that Cookie was fine. That was all.

* * *

Two days before the relaunch was scheduled to start, Anika came home from work to find Lucious sitting on her couch, as if he had every right to be there. "What the hell are you doing here?" Anika gasped once she realized that she wasn't about to be kidnapped or killed. "How the hell did you get in my house?"

Lucious held up a key. Cookie's key. The one Anika forgot to ask for the night they broke up. "We need to talk." he said.

"What, you had to break into my house to talk to me? You couldn't wait outside like someone who had some goddamned sense?"

"You're right." Lucious nodded sagely. "The press would've loved to have pictures of your ex-girlfriend's ex-husband sitting on your porch waiting for you."

Lucious was right, and Anika knew it. "So what, you came here to gloat?" Anika set her work bag down, still trying to control her breathing. She was going to need a drink for this little visit. "If you came to brag about Cookie, you could've done that in an email."

"I'm not here to brag, Anika." Lucious walked into the kitchen and picked up the drink Anika had poured for herself. "I'm here to put a stop to all this."

"A stop to all of what?"

"This thing. This…act." Lucious sat down – again, as if he was the man of the house. "I never said you could sit down," Anika said coldly. "In fact, I never said you could come in my house."

Lucious threw Anika a withering look and didn't move. "Look," he explained, and for once, Lucious sounded sincere, even humble. "I know me and Cookie haven't been talking to any of you a lot-"

"A _lot?_ " Anika asked bitterly. "Cookie hasn't talked to me at all since she eloped with you."

"Okay, there's a good place to start." Lucious sipped his drink while Anika, who was still in the kitchen, drained hers and poured another. "First of all, me and Cookie ain't married. We're not even seeing each other."

"You're not?" Anika came into the living room, minus the alcohol, and sat in her loveseat, facing Lucious. _Cookie isn't married._ Maybe, just maybe… "Then why'd you run off together out of nowhere? What was so important that the two of you had to run off at 6:30 in the goddamned morning to go to Boston!?" Anika began to grow angry all over again, and she went back to the kitchen for liquid courage and protection. Who gave a fuck if Cookie was married or not, considering the pain and humiliation she'd put Anika through for the past two and a half weeks? "Where were the two of you, Lucious, at a chapel? A lawyer? A wedding planner?"

"A hospital." Lucious's voice was as soft as snow falling. "And we never went to Boston."

The glass of ice in Anika's hand began to rattle. Just like that, all of the feelings that Anika had worked so hard to suppress for Cookie rushed back with a vengeance, along with many others. "Is she sick?" Lucious didn't respond. "Lucious, is Cookie sick?" Anika demanded, her growing as loud as Lucious's voice was quiet.

"Anika," Lucious answered. "Come sit down with me so we can talk about this."

"I don't want to sit down," Anika answered forcefully. "Don't tell me what to do in my house."

"Anika-"

 _"Is Cookie sick, Lucious?"  
_

"Fine. Have it your way." Lucious looked around for a place to put his glass. He saw a stack of papers to his left and began to move them. _"Don't touch those!"_ Anika ran back to the living room and shoved Lucious with such force that Lucious tumbled back onto the sofa. The drink splattered on Anika's table, causing her to scream. "Anika-" Lucious began again as Anika raced to save whatever she could. "Anika, calm down..."

Anika jerked out of Lucious's grasp. "Don't touch me! _Leave me alone!"_ Cookie couldn't be sick. No way. She was fucking Lyon. Lucious was lying, plain and simple. Maybe it was at Cookie's behest or maybe Lucious was on his own. Either way, Anika wasn't buying it.

Only a small bit of the papers were damaged, thank goodness. One of the first things Anika had done was purchase a home laminating machine, meant to protect everything from accidents just like this one. Lucious could only stare as Anika began to blather and mumble about stats and pictures and scans. He could see Anika was slowly starting to unravel, but went to the kitchen to clean up the mess as Anika carefully placed the wet clippings on the living room table. "I'm sorry," Lucious apologized when they were finished. With the crisis averted, there was nothing Anika could do to avoid Lucious's news. "Like I said, Anika, you should sit down. Please."

By now, Anika was too weak to remain standing. She took Lucious's glass, which was still half-full, and knocked the liquor back. Anika rose to pour a third glass, and Lucious placed his hand over hers to stop her. When Anika looked up, she knew by the look on Lucious's face that she couldn't run from the truth anymore. "What's wrong with Cookie?" Anika asked, her voice small and scared.

Lucious took a deep breath, and Anika would never forget the tears in Lucious's eyes when he spoke again. "Cookie has cervical cancer."

The news entered Anika's mind and was promptly rejected, like a bad string of code in a computer program. Anika could see Lucious's lips moving, his hands making gestures, his body language showing that he was just as disbelieving as Anika was, though he'd known for much longer. It was strange, but the more Lucious talked, the better Anika felt. _Cervical cancer?_ How stupid were these two, anyway? "You two could've come up with a much better story than this one," Anika stated when Lucious stopped talking. "C'mon, did you really think you could pull this on a doctor's daughter?" The alcohol was beginning to kick in, but not nearly fast enough. "You don't get cancer overnight, Lucious. It takes months of paperwork and testing-"

"Like Pap smears and colposcopies and biopsies." Anika's blood froze as Lucious reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a medium-sized yellow envelope with some paperwork. "Here."

Anika shook her head wordlessly. If she took those papers, this terrible trick Lucious and Cookie were playing might become real. She wasn't down for this game. _You gotta let Cookie be Cookie._ Well, Cookie had gone too far this time. "So you found some assholes who could make you some fake documents. Or you got some broke-ass intern to sneak out some envelopes." Foil embossed letterheads and envelopes from Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, one of the best cancer hospitals, would never be duplicated or faked, but Anika remained in denial anyway. "You need to leave so I can take a bath and go to bed, Lucious." It had been a long day at the now-defunct Dynasty even before this cancer bullshit.

Lucious placed the envelope with Cookie's test results on Anika's coffee table. Anika didn't move to pick it up. "Do you even care, Anika?" Lucious asked, disbelieving of Anika's lackadaisical reaction.

"Honestly, Lucious? No. I don't care." The second Anika said those words, she was surprised at just how true they were. "You know why I don't care? Because caring about Cookie is a mistake. The biggest mistake I've ever made was opening my heart to that bitch." Anika's fury was at an all-time high. She couldn't take her eyes off the symbol on the envelope. There was no in hell that it could've been duplicated so well, not in a foil-type printing, not on that type of envelope.

"I'm sorry, Anika, but is Cookie having cancer fucking up _your_ day?"

"Forget me for a second, Lucious! Forget how Cookie used me and dumped me and humiliated me just to keep this whole ruse going. Cookie abandoned her own children to be with you! Your sons are worried sick about you! So you can _both_ go to hell! Cookie's halfway there already!"

 _"You watch your mouth!_ " Lucious yelled, his voice filled with the promise of consequences. Anika's words were potentially closer to the truth than either one of them wanted. "Don't you ever say anything like that about Cookie again! _Ever!"_

Anika clamped her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming, but couldn't. All of the feelings Anika had suppressed for Cookie came flooded out in one long, gut-wrenching shriek that broke even Lucious's heart. Lucious joined Anika on the couch and stroked her hair while she cried, as if Anika was a small child as opposed to his ex-wife's ex-girlfriend. Anika never thought she'd be happy to have Lucious's arms around her, but they were the only thing keeping her from unconsciousness. "I'm sorry," Anika sobbed through tears. "I didn't mean it. I swear, I didn't mean any of it."

"I know." Lucious waited until Anika stopped crying. "Anika, you've _got_ to pull it together. The only people who know anything about this are me and Malcolm. She hasn't even told her sisters or our sons."

"Malcolm?" Anika sat up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. This story was getting more confusing by the minute. "What does Malcolm have to do with anything?

Lucious reached into his suit pocket again and handed Anika a handkerchief. "When Cookie got the call from the hospital that morning we left L.A., I called Malcolm to see if he could help keep Cookie off the grids. I knew that black motherfucker could make her fall off the face of the earth, and he did. He's the reason why everything spent weeks looking for Cookie in Boston when we were right here in New York. As of three days ago, even _I_ don't know where Cookie is."

"She's not at MSK anymore?"

"Anika, I don't even know if Cookie is on Earth anymore. All I know is that she's safe. Malcolm thinks it's best for her to be out of the country when she has her surgery-"

" _Surgery_? What surgery? And what call?" This was all going much too fast for Anika, who was still stuck on the whole _Cookie has cancer_ bit. "Lucious, I don't understand any of what you're saying. Your story isn't making any sense."

"I'm sorry." Lucious had been along for the ride since day one, so it was easy to forget how little Anika – or anybody – knew. Even Malcolm didn't know a whole hell of a lot, not unless Cookie had filled him in. "Let me back up and try to explain. But first, I need a drink."

* * *

" _C'mon, Kitten. That's not fair!"  
"I warned you, Cookie. No Pap, no pussy. It's not my fault you keep putting it off."  
"Anika, I've always had heavy periods ever since I hit my 40s, okay? It's called menopause."  
"I know what menopause is, Cookie. And I know that this spotting you're having isn't normal."  
"Goddamn it, Anika, I told you I'll replace the fucking mattress!"  
"I don't care about the mattress, Cookie! I care that you haven't seen an OB-GYN in nearly two decades! You need to go, baby. I'll even go with you."  
_

Had Cookie not been released from prison when she was, she would still be rotting away from the inside and out and be none the wiser. Gynecologists weren't exactly on Cookie's list of priorities when she lived in west Philly, and they sure as hell weren't the priorities of welfare offices or the prison system. Other than a couple of visits when Andre was pregnant, Cookie had never seen an OB-GYN in her life. A random threat and Cookie's libido was what drove Cookie to have a Pap smear for the first time since…well, since ever.

Anika held her hand and kissed her brow as Cookie gritted her teeth and held her breath. Even though the doctor was very kind and explained everything as he went along, Cookie still hated the guy. She hated the judge for sentencing her to 30 years. She hated the prison system for not giving a damn about the health reproductive care of its inmates. She even hated Anika for dragging Cookie to see her, hated her for not getting her a female doctor (something Anika hadn't considered), and hated her for sitting by her side, as if she couldn't trust Cookie to follow through after Anika made the appointment for her. Which, of course, Cookie would not have done.

"Now, was that so hard?" Anika asked Cookie later that evening. Anika had rewarded Cookie with a warm bath, a hot oil massage and that hurricane tongue of hers. "Now all you have to do is promise me you'll never douche again, and I'll tattoo your name over my kitty-kat and let you own it for life." Cookie did feel better, although she could've screamed at the idea of going through that shit every single year. For now, Cookie would get the results back in a couple of days and put this torture session away behind her at last.

" _Ms. Lyon, this is Christie calling from Dr. Logan's office,"_ chirped the cheerful young woman on her voicemail four days later. _"We need you to come see Dr. Logan at your earliest convenience."_

 _Abnormal_ was the way the doctor put it. While human papillomavirus was very common and normally cured itself, Cookie's smear test had shown that she was at a potential high risk for something worse. Cookie was forced to endure a humiliating interrogation all about her sexual activities. "You didn't tell me you'd been in prison," the doctor chided her, not too kindly.

"I didn't know any of that counted." Lucious had been the only man she'd been with before prison, and the only man she'd ever had sex with without a condom. "I didn't know you could get anything from women." After a 20-hour interrogation, Dr. Logan informed Cookie that he would need to do a colposcopic biopsy, which could be done at his office. "Do it now," Cookie ordered before Dr. Logan could even ask when she wanted it done.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Lyon. We'll need to schedule your biopsy for one week after your menstrual cycle." Cookie wouldn't be able to have the procedure done for two weeks, although she would be able to have it done at Dr. Logan's office. "You'll need to have someone with you in order to take you home," he instructed her. Merely having a taxi to pick her up wasn't good enough.

That day, Cookie drove straight to Lucious's house. _"Motherfucker!"_ Lucious was forced to shield himself from a variety of blows and hurled objects as Cookie screamed about how he'd given her something. "What did you give me!? I'll kill you, you son of a bitch! You gave me HPV!"

"What? You got HIV?!"

Cookie smacked Lucious with her purse, the only thing she hadn't thrown at Lucious. "Not HIV! HPV, fool!"

After Cookie hurled the papers and brochures in Lucious's face, Lucious was adamant that Cookie hadn't gotten anything from him. "It was probably one of those dykes you bent over in jail," he scoffed. Lucious had always used protection when he was having sex with any woman, Anika included. To prove it, he went to a specialist to ask that he be tested for every sexually transmitted disease the doctors could think of. Lucious even subjected himself to an anal Pap smear, which was so rare for heterosexual men that even the doctors told him it wasn't necessary. Lucious demanded it.

Two days before Cookie's scheduled procedure, Lucious's tests results came in. There was no HPV test for men, but everything else came back clean. At that point, Cookie broke down and told Lucious that it was about way more than HPV. "I might have cancer," she confessed. "The doctors don't know, but they keep making me go to take these tests…I don't want to go anymore, Lucious. But I have to."

"I'm going with you," Lucious told Cookie after Cookie told him everything, and Cookie didn't object. By then, Cookie was exhausted and irritable from keeping this burden to herself. Telling Anika was out of the question. The last thing she wanted for her Kitten was to get all worked up and worried about something that might be nothing after all. Since Cookie never let Anika use a strap-on on her and her most recent Pap had come back normal, there was nothing to worry about on that end. Personally, Cookie didn't give a damn if Lucious worried himself to death. She just didn't want Anika to be worried.

Cookie sent Anika off to Los Angeles under the guise of scouting for places to potential build a Dynasty Los Angeles office. While Anika was on the other side of the country, Cookie was in stirrups once again as Dr. Logan explained everything that was going on. Still feeling the effects of the anesthesia, Cookie then planned an elaborate dinner at one of New York's most expensive bed and breakfasts, explaining that she had to send Anika away so it would be a surprise. Later, she lied and told Anika that she had started her period that morning - just one week after her last cycle started - which was why Anika couldn't do anything with Cookie.

It was the start of a string of lies that Cookie told so she could keep Anika above her waist over the next few weeks: a yeast infection, a urinary tract infection, spotting. "Maybe you should go back to see the doctor, Cookie," Anika suggested one day. Cookie could see that this one-sided sex they were having wasn't really satisfying Anika, who was as much of a giver as she was a taker.

"Good idea, Kitten." It would save Cookie the trouble of coming up with yet another lie. She'd been thinking of what she was going to tell Anika ever since she got the message that very morning. _"Ms. Lyon, this is Christie calling from Dr. Logan's office…"_

Dr. Logan had great news for Cookie: she had been cleared for both cancer and HPV. He wanted Cookie to come to have smears every three months just to make sure, but for the most part, everything looked okay after all. "You just have a wonky reproductive system," she was assured.

"Couldn't be too wonky," Cookie joked, weak with relief. "I have three sons."

Lucious took Cookie out to dinner to celebrate the good news. A few days later was the house party at Candace's house, and Cookie and Anika spent the next couple of weeks making up for all the time they'd missed during Cookie's Wheel O'Female Troubles. She went to Grammys. Performed with her family. Toppled an Empire. Claimed Anika in front of the world. Looked forward to the future. And then, the very next morning, before she had even taken a good look at her awards, Cookie saw the number on her cell phone and knew that the good news was bad news after all.

" _Ms. Lyon, this is Christie calling from Dr. Logan's office…"_

* * *

"So she's been lying to me all this time," Anika didn't know why she wasn't surprised. Deeply hurt and angry, yes. Surprised, no. Hiding the fact that she had cancer was absolutely, without question, a very Cookie-like thing to do.

"Not lying, per se," Lucious responded. "Or at least not to hurt you. She just wanted you not to worry. And now you know why she had to hand Dynasty back to me. The treatments, the surgery-"

"What surgery?" Anika asked. She'd forgotten to ask about while Lucious was telling all about Cookie's antics.

"A hysterectomy, for starters. There's no way around that. I wish I'd written down what they said…some kind of surgery that starts with 'r…'"

"Radical." That meant Cookie would have her reproductive system removed in its entirety, pushing her into menopause. Anika knew that Cookie didn't want any more children, but there was a difference between not wanting any and not being able to have any. Now Anika didn't try to hold back her tears, allowing them to drip onto the paperwork she finally opened and read the results to Cookie's many tests _. Stage 2B cervical cancer…hysterectomy, chemotherapy…potential radiology…_ Cookie was looking at a minimum of six to eight months of treatment. "And you have no idea when or where she's having the surgery?" Breakup or not, there was no way Anika wasn't going to be by Cookie's side when she woke up.

"Malcolm said he would call me with a location and a date when he was absolutely certain. But not until then. He's right to do it, too. Malcolm knows that I would be wherever Cookie is right now, and she might panic and take off. It's killing me," Lucious admitted. "But Cookie's health is my #1 priority right now. I have to wait. So do you."

"That's why you left Empire, right? To take care of Cookie?" Lucious nodded. "And Cookie is breaking up with me…why, exactly?"

Lucious had asked Cookie the exact same thing and was now forced to give the exact same answer. "Cookie thinks that if she can get you to hate her, you'll move on and find somebody else. She wants you to move on and find somebody else to love so you won't be tied down to her."

"You're kidding, Lucious." The woman had no goddamned faith in her. No matter what Anika said or did to try to prove her loyalty to Cookie, it was never enough. "So why are you here, Lucious? I thought you'd be happy about it. With me out of the picture, you have Cookie back, right?"

"Yeah, but Cookie doesn't want me. She wants you." Lucious stood to leave. Having gone over the story and reliving Cookie's journey, he was pretty tired himself. "Anika, I'm never going to see heaven because of what I did to Cookie. But if I can stop Cookie from doing to you what I did to her, I will. Doesn't mean that I'm rooting for the two of you to make it, though," he added, honest to a point of fault. "I want Cookie to be happy no matter who she's with, but if you fuck up, I'ma be right there. Remember that."

As if Anika could forget. "Anyway, I'll keep you up to date if I hear anything from now on. Just promise me that you won't say anything to Andre, Jamal or Hakeem. They can't know this, Anika," Lucious repeated forcefully. "Cookie will tell them in her own time, but don't you be the one to do it."

"I won't," Anika promised, though she wondered how she was going to keep this from the boys and stay at her job at the same time. "I guess my vacation just got longer. You're going to have to cover for me, Lucious."

"I'll take care of all of that. Just stay away for a little longer and work on your little project." Lucious gestured over to Anika's old papers. "What _is_ all this, anyway?"

"Oh! You remember Cookie's uncle, Dickey Holloway? The one who played for the Negro Leagues? He left all this stuff to me before he died." Anika half-dragged Lucious over to take a look at some of the things he'd almost ruined. It was the one bright thing Anika had in her life, even though it was as frustrating and dead-ended as her relationship with Cookie.

"Dickey died?" The question was more like _Dickey was still alive?_ Cookie's uncle was ancient when two of them got married over 30 years ago. "Always liked that dude." Lucious picked up a baseball card that he noticed was stuck to another card. "Damn shame the way he got blackballed from playing baseball."

"He did?" Could Lucious bring this mystery closer to a close? "I can't find anything about his career, Lucious. It's like he's been wiped out the history books. Did Uncle Dickey tell you anything?" she asked, picking up the now-empty glasses and taking them to the kitchen.

Carefully, without Anika noticing, Lucious began to separate the stuck cards. If he damaged then in any way, Lucious knew he would never hear the end of it. The cards were still slightly damp, making it easy for Lucious to peel them apart. "All I remember Dickey saying was something about an interview he did. He said some stuff people didn't like and they turned on him."

Anika smiled as she made her way back into the living room. "Sounds about right."

"Yeah, Cookie definitely got her smart mouth honest." Lucious smiled for the first time in what felt like weeks. "Anyway, I'll ask Malcolm about it the next time he calls. He probably knows something. God knows he knows everything."

"I didn't know Malcolm was a baseball fan," Anika admired. "But I doubt if he could find out anything, since he was in security and all."

"Wanna bet?"

Anika looked over at Lucious, who was holding two baseball cards in his hand. "Anika, I got 10 Gs that Malcolm can fill in whatever holes you have." Lucious was holding the card – now cards – with all the errors on the back. It turned out that Anika was right. The stats on the back of that card did belong to a rookie, but they didn't belong to Dickey Holloway.

Because they'd been stuck together for so long, Dickey's stats on this back of _his_ card were now readable. While Anika could barely read the back of the other card, she could see the preserved front side very plainly, as well as the name of the handsome rookie shortstop: Malcolm DeVeaux.

TBC


	6. They Really Ain't You

_Note: Because FF is on some bitch ass filter shit, I've recently posted two M-rated stories up here that you can't see in the search: **Tambourine** , which is a re-post, and **Who's the Boss** , which is the sequel to **Close the Door**. Enjoy, and just remember...God knows my heart. _

_Note 2: The chapter title is from "Ain't You" by K. Michelle._

* * *

Anika didn't have to wait long. About a week after she carefully scanned the mystery baseball card and Lucious sent it to Malcolm's email address, Anika received a package at the Empire office.

 _Dear Anika,_

 _I'm sorry for the late response. You have found a baseball card of my grandfather. I knew that Opa played professional baseball, but I had no idea he played for the Negro Leagues. He never mentioned it._

That didn't surprise Anika. She remembered Cookie mentioning once that Malcolm had been raised by his grandfather after everyone else in Malcolm's family was wiped out in an accident of some sort. Malcolm had told Cookie that their relationship wasn't a very good one – respectful, but cool.

 _The reason why you couldn't find anything under his name is because Opa only went by Malcolm DeVeaux during his rookie year. My grandfather was born and raised in Suriname, where the official language is Dutch. If you Google the name "Dutch DeVeaux," you'll find some things._

 _I went to my old home in New Jersey, and I found some things up in the attic that you might like to see. It seems that my grandfather and Cookie's uncle were sold as a package deal of sorts. You'll see lots of stuff that talk about D &D or the DD Twins. I found a couple of pictures where Opa wrote the word 'broers' (brothers). Opa and Dickey looked to be very close. He was on the team when Dickey was thrown off the team for violating some sort of moral clause._

Inside a small, sturdy folder were a couple of pictures of two good-looking young men. Dickey was tall and lean; Dutch, much stockier and just as tall, looked more like he should have been playing football, not baseball. Another picture showed Dutch and Dickey in tuxedos with a few other men. The third picture showed Dickey in a wedding lineup, with Dutch and his bride front and center. _D &D and Lily,_ the faded handwritten caption read. This beautiful young woman had to be Malcolm's grandmother.

Malcolm had also included a small blurb from an old sports magazine. **HOLLOWAY TO LEAVE STARS,** it read, and it went on to mention that second baseman Dickey Holloway was dismissed from the Stars for violation of the team's morality clause. "They didn't even say what he did," Anika whispered. Lucious said Dickey was blackballed. But why? The article gave no clue.

 _That's all I can tell you for now. Once my opa had a series of strokes and moved back to Guyana, he stopped speaking English. That makes communicating with him over the phone very difficult. I can speak and understand Dutch, but it's a lot easier to converse face-to-face. I might get to do that a lot sooner than expected, because Cookie is really pushing to have the Empire mini-doc filmed in Guyana. Lucious wants it in Puerto Rico, but I think Cookie is going to get her way._

 _Mini-doc?_ Anika thought. Lucious had made no mention of filming anything with Cookie in Guyana, Puerto Rico or anywhere else.

 _Just between you and me, Cookie's been living in D.C. with my family this whole time. Lucious thinks I've got her in Abu Dhabi somewhere, but she's right here on my patio with my daughters and my wife. TJ and Lily are crazy about Cookie, and I think my wife would leave me for Cookie if she ever had the chance. I can't believe I've been on Cookie Patrol for seven weeks and we haven't choked each other yet (smile), but she's turned out to be a godsend for Desiree._

Anika smiled. She could see Cookie playing with Malcolm's stepdaughter, Taraji, and his newborn daughter, Lillian. She wasn't surprised that Cookie could wind up in a place with her ex-boyfriend's new wife and bond with her. Cookie was so loving and giving, so willing to help.

 _Anika, I know you might not want to hear this, but Cookie misses you_ _terribly_ _. I think she regrets more and more that she pushed you away. (I have a feeling you know why she's gone, but in case you don't, I can't say anything else.) If we wind up in Guyana, would you like to come and meet my grandfather? I know how crazy you are about baseball, and perhaps you and Cookie can mend your differences and make things work again._

 _Cheers,  
Malcolm_

Anika placed the package in her office desk and marched straight into Lucious's office without knocking. "I hear you might be going to Guyana," she said pointedly. "Or is that Puerto Rico? Have you and Cookie decided yet?"

Lucious pursed his lips, knowing he was busted. He also knew that Malcolm had gotten in touch with Anika directly; there would be no filtering of news about Cookie through Lucious. "Cookie had this idea of doing a documentary of the reunification of Empire and Lyon Dynasty," he explained, his eyes focused everywhere except Anika.

"And you weren't going to mention anything to me about it?" Anika prompted.

"For what?" Lucious asked, sounding more like himself. "The doc is about the Lyon family, not the Lyon family and a CFO."

Lucious's words couldn't have been clearer. Last week, the two of them were united in their love and concern for Cookie, but now all bets were off. Lucious would be going to see Cookie. He would be by her side – with her family, no less – and Anika would be nowhere near. "Go to hell, Lucious," Anika hissed, turning on her heel and storming back into her office, slamming the door behind her.

After numbly doing a little more research about Dickey and Dutch, yet coming up largely empty-handed, Anika pulled Malcolm's letter back out. Underneath his signature, Malcolm had written his email address and his phone number, so Anika answered him back via email:

 _Malcolm_ :

 _Thank you for the information about Dickey. As Cookie might have told you, I loved him like a second father. I know how much Dickey loved the game, but I had no idea that he knew your grandfather. Now that I think about it, though, I definitely recognize the wedding picture. I assume that is your grandmother?_

That was one thing that Anika thought was strange. By all accounts, Dutch DeVeaux had been an average baseball player. A journeyman at best. Yet Anika could still find information about him. She even learned that after Dutch hung up his glove, he met and married a woman named Lillian, had a daughter – Malcolm's mother – and eventually moved to Guyana. There was even a tiny blurb about Malcolm's father, Thomas, and how he was such a big fan of baseball that he had taken the DeVeaux family name, rather than Malcolm's mother taking his last name. Such minutiae for such an average ballplayer, yet Anika still couldn't find one damned thing about the Stars' brilliant second baseman or his abrupt exit from baseball.

 _I'm swamped to the gills with Empire work, but I would love to meet your grandfather someday. I hope you get the opportunity to make it to Guyana. If there's any information you can find about Dickey or Dutch, no matter how trivial you think it is, please send it along._

 _Thank you for your help,  
Anika_

After a thought, Anika added:

 _P.S. I know why Cookie is gone. If she missed me that much, she'd call me. My number hasn't changed. Maybe she's planning to run off with your wife after all. Better watch your back (smile)._

* * *

 _Boston Logan International Airport  
Seven weeks ago_

"First of all," Malcolm greeted Lucious and Cookie as he walked into Lucious's private jet unseen, "I want to congratulate you two on your reunion in both love and business." The mission was to get Cookie Lyon back to New York without anyone knowing that she was in New York, then get back to his furious wife, who was outraged that he had disregarded Desiree's wishes about taking care of his ex-girlfriend.

"Huh?" Cookie was expecting something more along the lines of what's going on or sorry this is happening to you. She was barely comprehending what was going on herself. Just a few hours ago, she was the talk of the music world. Now, her future was about to be taken away from her all over again. And now Malcolm was here, and Lucious was here, and Anika...

"Your reunion," Malcolm said slowly. He made a gesture that signified that the pilot of the plane might be listening. "I think it's wonderful that you and Lucious are reuniting in real life just like you are in the business world." He was giving Lucious and Cookie the back story they were to stick to until Malcolm said otherwise.

"Oh." Cookie slumped down in her luxury seat, not caring who was listening or what anybody was thinking. She didn't care about Empire or Lyon Dynasty or Lucious. On the flight from Los Angeles, all Cookie could think about was Anika. Now that they'd landed in Boston en route to New York, Cookie's mind was elsewhere.

" _Hello, Ms. Lyon? This is Christie calling from Dr. Logan's office…"_

The voice was no longer cheerful, but apologetic. Cookie got the call at 7:30 a.m. New York time – 4:30 a.m. Los Angeles time. Dr. Logan's office didn't even open until 8:00 a.m. Cookie hung up the phone before Christie could go on any further. There was no need to. Just as Cookie had gotten her life back, Dr. Logan was calling to take it away again.

Lucious found Cookie in her suite, curled up in a closet. He listened to the voice mail that Cookie refused to listen to. "I'm going back with you, Cookie," he informed her. No matter how much they hated each other now – no matter how badly they'd fought the night before – there was no way Lucious was going to leave Cookie to handle this matter alone.

Cookie left the departure details to Lucious, which turned out to be a mistake. Cookie found out later that Lucious simply informed their sons that Lucious and Cookie were headed to – of all places – Boston, leaving them to fill in the blanks themselves. And there was something else. "You're not going to like this," Lucious said as Cookie's bags were placed in the limo, "but I called Malcolm."

Cookie hit the roof, but Lucious stood firm. Unless Cookie wanted it all over the news that she was going to Memorial Sloan-Kettering the morning after the Grammys, they were going to need some help getting her back to New York quietly. If anyone could make Cookie fall off the face of the earth, it was the man who had whisked Cookie off to the Berkshires right under her parole officer's nose (and Lucious's as well). Subterfuge was right up the alley of the former SEAL, once again tasked to protect the lives of world leaders once they came upon U.S. soil.

Before he was finished with his shower, Malcolm had a plan in place. Leaking the story of a happy, reunited couple was easy enough. "People are greedy and easily fooled when they want to be the first to report things," he told Lucious and Cookie over a speakerphone, ducking through the house to block out the screams of an autistic toddler and a wet, hungry newborn. "When you get to the airport, smile and act happy. Draw attention to yourselves in a way that makes people think you're trying not to get caught. The press will be all over it. And I'll need to know what you're wearing before you leave. The simpler, the better."

Malcolm's order was too vague to understand until they met up with Malcolm once they touched down in Boston. Standing next to Malcolm was someone with Cookie's height and build. From a distance, anyone would mistake her for Cookie. "Lucious, you're going to get off here in Boston with Joanna. Same thing. Walk through the airport, only this time, try not to bring too much attention to yourselves this time. Just enough for the paps to snap pictures, but not enough to make them want to pry. Be standoffish, even rude. She'll get you in another plane. Meanwhile, I'm flying Cookie to New York. You'll probably make it about an hour after we get there."

"Wait a minute. _You're_ going to take Cookie to the doctor?" Lucious was expecting to be with Cookie when the doctors spoke with her, as he had always been. "What, are you gonna put her in disguise, too?"

"I won't need to. Nobody's going to look at a black man and a black woman walking around together. I know you don't like it, Lucious," Malcolm added as Cookie boarded the New York flight without a backwards glance to Lucious, who looked mournfully after Cookie as Malcolm followed her. "But if you want this all to work, we have to do things my way. It's the only way to keep all this quiet." It would be almost two months before Lucious and Cookie saw each other again.

"I didn't call you," was the first thing Cookie said when the two of them made it to yet another private plane, the one that would take them back to New York.

"I know you didn't call me, Cookie." Malcolm leaned back in his chair. "You never called me. I'm surprised you replied to my wedding invitation."

"Oh, please." Cookie never regretted not going to D.C. with Malcolm, who could be a little too moody and soft for her tastes. "You know you just wanted to show off your new wife and daughter. You knew I wasn't coming."

"Hey." Malcolm's voice grew firm, almost harsh. "You'll speak with respect when you speak about my wife."

"I mean your _wife_ and your _daughter_ ," Cookie clarified, referring to Malcolm's stepdaughter, Taraji, not the fact that his wife was 15 years younger than he was. After all, Anika was 14 years younger than Cookie was. "Look, you gonna be like this all trip?"

"It's only an hour, Cookie. Here's a crazy idea: see if you can be quiet for that long."

"Go to Hell, Malcolm." Cookie snapped. "You on your period or something?"

Malcolm looked sheepish. "I'm sorry, Cookie. I am. Our baby girl has been keeping us up all night."

"The baby!" Cookie had forgotten all about Malcolm's wife being pregnant when they got married until this morning. It felt like a lifetime ago. "You had a girl?"

"Yep." Malcolm's gorgeous, knee-weakening smile was more like the Malcolm Cookie remembered, even with his head back and his eyes closed. "She's seven weeks old now, and I swear, Cookie, I think she's allergic to oxygen or something."

"Yeah, I remember those days." Malcolm, a father. It was just one more reason why Cookie knew it was best for him to move on with his life and let her move on with hers. "Well?" she prompted when Malcolm said nothing more.

"Well, what?" Malcolm asked. Every time he started to doze off, Cookie would start talking. It reminded Malcolm of their time in the Berkshires, with Cookie's constant movement and excitement mingling with Malcolm's quiet calm.

"Pictures, fool! Just 'cause I can't stand your punk ass doesn't mean I don't wanna see pictures of the baby."

"Kiss my ass, Cookie," Malcolm shot back as he tossed Cookie his iPhone. He was smiling now. Soon, Cookie was looking at dozens of pictures of two beautiful little girls - one a toddler, the other a newborn. "You're swiping kind of fast, Ms. Lyon," Malcolm murmured. "Looking for something?"

"Shouldn't have gave me your phone, Mr. DeVeaux. What kind of freaky-ass stuff am I about to see?"

"Nothing you haven't seen before," Malcolm answered, looking at Cookie through half-closed eyes. Malcolm looked tired but good. He wasn't so boyish-looking anymore. The facial hair wasn't so meticulously groomed, and Cookie was pretty sure that weird stain on his right shoulder was spit-up. Fatherhood made him even sexier. "Do you want me to make love to you, Cookie?"

It was such a casual question that Cookie nearly choked on her Sprite. _Be good, Cookie,_ Cookie admonished herself. She'd had her chance with Malcolm, and she let him go. It was all for the best, too. Besides, Cookie knew that Malcolm was teasing her. "I'm good, thanks," Cookie answered back. "You just take care of that baby puke on your shoulder."

" _What?!"_ Cookie laughed as Malcolm made his way to the back of the plane. _Punk ass,_ she thought smugly, pretending to be asleep before Malcolm came back. If Malcolm offered himself to her again, Cookie wasn't too sure she would turn him down, married or not. He might have been married, but _damn_ , the motherfucker was still fine.

* * *

How Lucious beat Cookie and Malcolm to New York, Malcolm never found out. He dropped Cookie off at the front lobby and left with a quick hug and a "take care." No sooner had they gone to the back that Malcolm rushed outside to call his wife while he waited for a cab. "I need to explain to you why I had to be here," he said when his wife greeting him in a tone of ice. "Cookie is somebody that helped me heal from a very bad relationship. Trust me when I say this: if it hadn't have been for Cookie, I never would've met or married you, and I wouldn't have TJ or Lily. And I don't know what I would do without them or you. But don't think for a minute that I'm not thinking about anybody right now except you. I owe her one, Dez."

Desiree was neither impressed nor moved. "What good is your love, Malcolm, if your loyalty lies elsewhere?"

"If I wasn't loyal when I'm supposed to be," Malcolm replied gently, "I wouldn't be the man you married."

"How is your friend?" Desiree asked after a long silence, not quite ready to acknowledge the fact that Malcolm was right.

Before Malcolm could answer, Lucious came out into the waiting room, outside the building, rushed right past Malcolm, and left without a word to him. "I don't think it's going well, Desiree," he responded when Cookie didn't come out behind him. "Hang on." Malcolm went back into the front lobby. "Hi, I brought Loretha Lyon here about 10 minutes ago and her ride left and hasn't come back. Would you please ask her if it's okay if Malcolm DeVeaux comes back to make sure she's okay?"

"Sure," the receptionist replied. "Desiree?" Malcolm said when he put the phone back to his ear.

"I heard," Desiree answered, and she also heard the receptionist call his name. "You better go." There was no malice in her voice, only resignation. Malcolm was a navy man, and he was going to do what he thought was right, detractors be damned. Desiree just had to trust that her man was doing right by her, and Malcolm was the kind of man who would do so…wouldn't he?

"Thank you for understanding…baby, will do you do me a favor?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Will you schedule a Pap smear for yourself? As soon as possible."

"I'll do it right now. Wait, is that why you're in New York? Your friend is being treated for cancer or something?"

From around the corner, Malcolm could see Cookie still sitting, frozen in place, too numb to even notice that the man who had been her rock all this time had once again deserted her. "I think so, Desiree," Malcolm answered as his heart sank. "I think so."

* * *

Desiree hated Cookie on sight. Cookie was everything Desiree had never been: thin, fair-skinned and beautiful. She hated Cookie because Malcolm was so loyal to her. She hated Cookie because, if Malcolm was right, Desiree owed this woman for Malcolm's love. What had it been like making love to a woman like Cookie Lyon? Judging by her loud, hideous luggage, it was hard to tell.

The original plan was for Cookie to stay in a hotel until it was time for Malcolm to take Cookie wherever he was going to take her, but even before Cookie showed up, they both saw it wasn't a feasible plan. Malcolm worked long hours during the day while Desiree was out on pregnancy leave, and he didn't want to waste his precious few hours driving Cookie around the nation's capital. And Cookie couldn't drive well enough to get around on her own. "Do you really want us alone together in a car day after day?" Malcolm asked sarcastically. Desiree could've slapped him.

Street could always recognize street, and Desiree's story was written all over her face. The former Desiree Henson was a street girl who had gotten ran through in high school and college – if not both – and had a baby by an ain't-shit dude. She'd lucked up in marrying a man like Malcolm, who proposed as soon as he found out she was pregnant a mere nine weeks after they met. Desiree secretly feared that Malcolm didn't love her as much as he loved the idea of having a family. Her insecurity levels were sky-high. So while Cookie would normally take pleasure in getting under this snotty bitch's skin – _especially_ since she was Malcolm's ex - this time Cookie took pity on the poor girl and let her be.

As it turned out, Cookie Lyon was exactly what Desiree needed. As the days turned to weeks, it was Cookie who helped out around the house, Cookie who prepared delicious meals that could be frozen and reheated, Cookie who sat and colored with Taraji while she went on and on about whatever she was fixated on at that moment – boats, stars, and now, thanks to Cookie's presence, jungle animals.

Cookie was the first person Desiree ever knew who didn't chastise Taraji or Desiree when TJ had a meltdown. Not only did Taraji not drive Cookie away, as she'd done with so many of Desiree's old friends, but Cookie was quietly determined to learn even more about how to live around an autistic child. Cookie also taught Desiree how to improve her latch while she was breastfeeding so that Lillian would stop sucking in so much air when Desiree nursed her. She even showed Desiree how to lie down with Lillian so she could catch a few moments of sleep here and there. In just days, Lillian began to sleep more and cry less, and so did Desiree. Little by little, the sweet, loving woman Malcolm had married was beginning to come around again.

Had Malcolm brought Cookie to Desiree to be some kind of ghetto godmother? Desiree would never know. But when Taraji woke her mother up one day with yellow and black nail polish on her fingers and toes to match Cookie's luggage, Desiree could only laugh. Never again did she ask Malcolm when Cookie was leaving.

* * *

For weeks, Cookie wondered when she would ever feel guilty for ultimately abandoning her family. She spoke with Lucious about the business from time to time – he never did apologize for running out on her the day they learned she had cancer – but still couldn't bring herself to talk to her sons. And talking to her sisters was out of the question. Her business would be in the streets before sundown.

Malcolm and Desiree had ultimately given Cookie a place to hide. She did most of her Empire business via Skype, and moved through D.C. alone for the occasional doctor's visit. Other than regulating her diet and waiting for her hysterectomy date, there was no real rush to do much of anything. Back home, Anika and Jamal would've driven Cookie crazy about sticking to her diet, while Lucious and Andre would be ready to pick Cookie up and carry to her bed every time Cookie yawned. Hakeem would be somewhere pouting and making Cookie feel even worse. It was a terrible, selfish thought, but Cookie was actually able to relax and heal as long as her family wasn't around her.

The opportunity to make it up to the DeVeauxs started shortly after the Empire relaunch. Lucious came up with the idea of doing a mini-documentary of sorts to document the reunification of Empire and Lyon Dynasty. Ryan, Jamal's old boyfriend would be doing the filming. Cookie didn't care all that much for the idea, but she loved the idea of filming it in a place like the Bahamas or Puerto Rico or…

"Guyana," Cookie chose, gearing up for a full-blown battle.

"Guyana? You want us to meet you in hot-ass Africa?" Lucious asked.

"That's Ghana, dumb ass," Cookie said, as if Malcolm hadn't had to correct her when she made the mistake. "Guyana's in South America."

"Guyana, Ghana, whatever. Why in the world do you want to film in Guyana?"

"Because I do," Cookie said stubbornly. Lucious balked at the idea, but Cookie pressed so relentlessly that Lucious caved in. That's when Cookie remembered that she hadn't even run the idea by Desiree or Malcolm. Luckily, Desiree loved the idea. Malcolm, as it turned out, had other ideas. "No," was all he said.

"What?" Desiree said, stunned that Malcolm would turn such an offer down. How many times had Malcolm talked about how much he loved growing up in his homeland? Guyanese art was prominently displayed through their home, and Taraji wouldn't even eat plain rice anymore because Malcolm had spoiled her with Guyanese food. "Malcolm, this is a wonderful chance…"

"I said no."

"Malcolm, Empire is paying for everything," Cookie pleaded. "This is a great chance for the two of you to have the honeymoon you deserve."

Malcolm gave Cookie a withering stare through narrowed eyes. "We don't need your charity, Cookie." One thing that drove Cookie crazy was that Malcolm wouldn't take a dime of Cookie's money, not for food or gas or anything else.

"Malcolm, Cookie didn't mean it like that," Desiree said. "And she's right. You've always talked about going back home, especially with Lillian. Why not now, sweetheart?"

"I said no!" Malcolm thundered. "Drop it, Desiree!"

"Hey!" Cookie had never heard Malcolm talk to anyone like that before, and certainly not to his wife in front of their daughters. "You don't talk to her like that!"

"Cookie," Malcolm warned in a voice Cookie never heard him use before. "Stay out of this. Taraji is in school, and Lillian is way too young to fly. So thank you, but no thank you. We'll go another time."

But Cookie couldn't drop it. "It's a private plane, Malcolm. They won't be bothering nobody. And Taraji won't miss any days of school. We can wait until Thanksgiving break before we fly out."

 _Thanksgiving_. In November. "Cookie," Desiree whispered, but Cookie was doing what she always did when she wanted her way. "You loved your childhood, Malcolm! You told me that! Don't you have any family down there that you want to see?"

"Cookie!" Desiree said again, but it was too late. The look Malcolm gave Cookie as he slowly stood up made her feel sick and scared. "Family?" he asked, then gave a sharp laugh. "Yeah. I got family there." He began to laugh. "I got family…" He began to laugh harder and harder, and Taraji's eyes grew wide with fear. "Daddy?"

"Malcolm…" Cookie asked, but Desiree's hand crossed the table and squeezed hers. Cookie looked over to see Desiree give a subtle shake of her head. Luckily, Malcolm didn't see it. "Do me a favor, okay, Cookie? Next time, don't do me any favors." He slammed the door behind him, causing both of his daughters to burst into tears.

"What did I say?" Cookie asked, fighting the urge to cry herself. She'd just wanted to do something nice for Malcolm and Desiree.

"You said a lot, Cookie. But it's not you," Desiree gathered Lillian up in her arms as Cookie went to console a wailing Taraji. "It's Jonestown."

Cookie shook her head, not understanding. "What's Jonestown?"

"Put TJ to bed and I'll explain it later."

Desiree waited until Cookie gave Taraji a cool bath, talking quietly to her until she felt better and was ready for her afternoon nap. "The Jonestown massacre," Desiree explained when Cookie walked into the nursery. "I didn't even think about until you said Thanksgiving." Having finished nursing and changing Lillian's diaper, Desiree placed Lillian in her crib. "Did you know that Malcolm lost nearly his entire family that day in November?"

"No!" Come to think about it, Malcolm had never spoken about his family, even though Cookie constantly discussed hers. She vaguely remembered him saying that he had two sisters.

"I didn't think you did." Desiree nodded soberly. "Malcolm's parents, his grandmother, his sisters…all that's left of Malcolm's family is him and his grandfather."

Cookie followed Desiree into the living room, where she pulled out a picture from a photo album. "That's Malcolm's family," she informed Cookie as she looked upon a beautiful family of seven. "Mother Cecile, father Thomas, sisters Sarah and Catherine, grandmother Lillian and grandfather Malcolm."

"My God," Cookie whispered. Malcolm was such an adorable little boy, beaming from the shoulders of a handsome, dignified-looking man. Pressed against Thomas's right shoulder was a gorgeous woman, and in front them stood two little girls who were just as precious as little Malcolm was. A regal-looking older woman sat on the left side of Malcolm's mother. The man behind her with his arms wrapped around his wife had to be Malcolm's grandfather. Cookie reached out and touched the face of the older man. There was something familiar about him, as if he'd seen this man in a former life, or maybe in a book or a magazine. "The whole family?" Cookie asked, disbelieving.

"Almost everybody," Desiree corrected. "Malcolm's family didn't take Malcolm because he was only four, so he lived with his grandfather. His parents planned to return to come take him to the Temple for the new year. They weren't even followers of Jim Jones. They were going to teach the children, like missionaries." Desiree shook her head. "This was the picture they all took together before his family left for the Peoples Temple."

"Yeah, ain't that a bitch?"

Malcolm stood in the doorway, his eyes red and swollen. His voice lacked the anger it had held earlier. "The only picture I have with my family, and it was the morning before they drove off to their deaths." Even now, nearly 40 years later, Malcolm could still remember how he kicked and screamed for his family to take him with them, not believing that they were ever coming back to get him. _"Be a man!"_ his grandfather had hissed to him as the van sped away, for his wife Lillian was going with them as well. _"You'll see them in January, Malcolm."_ But Malcolm was a four-year-old boy, not a man. And January never came.

Cookie knew she had no right to cry in front of Malcolm, but she couldn't help herself. She had seen pictures of the massacre. Hundreds and hundreds of bodies piled on top of each other, lifeless. She just couldn't believe that a family that was so happy and loving could be lost in such a horrible way. And the idea that they'd nearly lost Malcolm the same way…"Malcolm, I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know." Why hadn't she asked before making these big plans – or better yet, why hadn't she just kept her big mouth shut for once _?_ "I'll cancel everything. We can do the filming somewhere else…"

"No. Don't cancel. I'll go." Malcolm took a deep breath. "I want to go, Cookie. I _need_ to go." Desiree and Cookie followed Malcolm into the nursery, where he stood over the crib of his sleeping daughter, the child named after his beloved mother and grandmother. Malcolm learned over the crib and kissed her tenderly. "I want my child's first steps to be on Guyanese soil." Indeed, the first thing Malcolm did when they all left the airport and walked out into the countryside was to hold Lillian upright, pressing her feet into the cool, moist ground.

* * *

Lucious met Cookie at the Guyana Marriott, the country's only five-star hotel. He tried to greet her warmly, but Cookie brushed him off. "None of that," Malcolm warned. He wouldn't be escorting Cookie around what he called White Folks' Guyana. Rather, the DeVeauxs would be staying with some cousins in Buxton. "Cookie, you've been missing for a while now, so here's the opportunity to get some press. You and Lucious walk around together. Hold hands and smile. Take a walk on the beach and be seen. Don't argue with me," he added as Cookie began to protest. "You two are still a couple as far as the world is concerned."

"Can't I just stay with you?" Cookie asked, visibly disgusted by the idea of having to make nice with Lucious.

"In _Buxton_?" Malcolm laughed. "Cookie, Buxton makes Philly look like Beverly Hills. Sorry. You'll just have to suffer here in opulence."

So Cookie gritted her teeth and ducked her head as she and Lucious walked around Guyana. She nearly screamed when Lucious told her that their sons wouldn't be there until the next day. "That way, you can I can have a chance to…talk." It was just as well, Cookie thought grimly as Lucious escorted her through the hotel lobby for dinner. She'd denied herself to her boys for seven weeks; one more night wouldn't hurt. And quiet as it was kept, Cookie was still so lonely. Besides, she already knew Lucious was going to start up the minute they got to the hotel. _Might as well get it over with._

The physical release - though largely steered by Captain Morgan and chauffeured by Jack Daniel's- was sorely needed, even welcomed. All the while, Lucious whispered and pleaded and begged Cookie to come back with him, back to their family. He was so sorry for hurting her (again) and for leaving her to twist in the wind (again). Lucious vowed to do better...again. "I love you, Cookie…I love you so much…"

It was all so tender, so passionate, so heartfelt, and such utter bullshit that Cookie could've slapped herself for needing it so badly. When it was all over and Lucious was snoring softly next to her, Cookie just stared at the ceiling fan, feeling nothing as they laid together in the dark. Every day, she longed to call Anika and tell her that she was so sorry for leaving her, to explain everything and beg for Anika's forgiveness. Cookie hadn't meant for it to be for so long, just long enough to pull herself together. Only now did Cookie have the strength to tell her sons that she was sick. Why hadn't she thought to invite Anika along on this trip? Maybe she could still come…

Cookie grabbed the phone next to her side of the bed. She held her breath as the phone rang, then jumped back at the sound of the furious voice on the other end, a voice she hadn't heard in two months. _"So you're with that bitch now? Huh? This is how you do me, Lucious? After everything we talked about, you're with her right now!? Fuck you, Lucious! Fuck you and fuck her, too!_ "

"Anika!" Cookie was cut off before Anika heard her name. What was Anika so upset about – and why had she said Lucious's name, not hers? Cookie began to pull up the internet on her phone before she realized that she wasn't holding her phone. She was holding Lucious's phone. _Shit!_ The news got even worse as Cookie checked TMZ, and…yep. There was Cookie holding hands and walking through the hotel grounds with Lucious. Cookie smiling at Lucious as they walked the beach together. They even had a picture of Lucious holding open the door to their hotel room. There was only one way for Cookie to handle this kind of disaster – on her back, with her face towards heaven. "Oh, my God. _Ohhh,_ my God…"

"Cookie, what's wrong?" Lucious woke up, still not accustomed to the time zone shift, even though the time in Guyana was the same as the time in New York. He reached out to Cookie as he sat up. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked, stroking her shoulders.

"Nothing." There was no use being angry with Lucious. He'd left her to die that day in that small doctor's office because that's what Lucious ultimately did. He left her just like he'd left her before. He'd left her just like Cookie left her sons. "I can't do this with you anymore, Lucious," Cookie decided. "I can't look at you and pretend that I love you." She sat up and said the very words that Lucious had said to her so long ago. "I'm not leaving Anika for you."

"You already left Anika," Lucious pointed out, not unkindly.

"Yeah, I did. And now I need to do what I can to fix this. Me and you…we can be friends, Lucious. A part of me is always going to love you because you gave me my sons. But other than that, I just can't depend on you, Lucious. You left me in jail, you left me for Anika, you left me when you found out I had cancer…"

"Did Malcolm tell you I came by later that night to talk to you, Cookie?" Lucious asked. "That black bastard was guarding the door like some kind of prison guard and wouldn't let me in, Cookie. Did he tell you that?"

No, Malcolm _hadn't_ told Cookie that. From MSK, the two of them came back to Cookie's house long enough for her to pack a light bag and get her money and identification. Cookie had waited for Lucious to drop by and give some lame excuse. She griped about it all the way back to the plane, but Malcolm never mentioned that Lucious actually had come to see her after all.

But so what? Anika would've screamed Cookie's name over and over so that Cookie would know that she was there, even if she couldn't make it through the front door. "You could've gotten past Malcolm if you really wanted to, Lucious," Cookie replied. Lucious only swung by to be seen, not to be heard. "I'm not mad at you. I just…I just need to be alone."

With Lucious gone and her life in shambles, Cookie threw herself back on the bed and cried herself to sleep. Thousands of miles away, with the brown liquor flowing and K. Michelle playing on the stereo, Anika did the same thing.

* * *

As it turned out, Lucious had done Cookie a solid, albeit for selfish purposes. Andre, Jamal and Hakeem came to Guyana already knowing all about their mother's illness. There was nothing needed to be said. In the middle of the hotel lobby, the Lyon sons gathered around their mother and held her, forgiving her for leaving them and praying that she would heal. They came with letters from Cookie's sisters, who had also forgiven Cookie and wanted nothing more than for her to come home. After a moment, Cookie reached out for Lucious's hand, forgiving him for everything he'd done and everything he'd failed to do. If Cookie had done the right thing by her sons and taken care of her family, they wouldn't have been in such an awkward position.

For four days, the Lyon family filmed in the tourist side of Guyana. The mini-doc had been revised to be a YouTube diary, since it was obvious that while Cookie and Lucious were currently on good terms, there was a chance that it wouldn't last very long. It turned out to be a great idea, as the Lyons could now give day-by-day updates. Jamal and Hakeem posed and flexed on the gorgeous beaches, gave snippets of new music and talked candidly about coming back together and being a family again. They even gave a small concert in Buxton, free of charge. Before they knew it, the country of Guyana was suddenly one of the most Googled countries in the world.

During their recorded segments, Cookie and Lucious made it clear that the reunification was between two good friends, not former (or current) lovers. They could still be a family, even though they weren't together anymore, but #TeamLookie was as dead as Lyon Dynasty. Then there was the cancer issue. Cookie wasn't aware of it and her family had been too polite to mention it, but Cookie was notably thinner than she'd been before. Ryan suggested that Cookie make her announcement as a part of the diary - an idea that Cookie promptly rejected.

"You could save a lot of lives, Cookie," Lucious pointed out.

So Cookie did a short segment about learning about how a routine Pap smear had discovered that she had stage two cervical cancer, her current treatment and the upcoming hysterectomy. "It's wonderful, Cookie," Ryan stated among completion, and her sons clapped with tears in their eyes when they were finished watching. Lucious squeezed Cookie's hand gently, and Cookie was grateful for the push he'd given her. "But do you really want to keep the line about how Anika got you to see the OB-GYN?"

"What?" Cookie asked, and Ryan played it back. _"I don't know why I was so nervous,"_ Cookie was saying on camera, _"but my girlfriend had to drag me to see a doctor."_

"Cut it," Cookie answered, then went back to her hotel room to lie down. Hakeem joined her. Ever since her sons came to Guyana, one of them – usually Hakeem – slept with his arms wrapped around Cookie, as if they were so afraid she would disappear again. "Dad said you're not going to be here in the morning," Hakeem said after Cookie wiped her eyes. "Where you going?"

"Malcolm's taking me to Suriname in the morning."

"What's in Suriname?"

"His grandfather." Cookie yawned and explained everything about how Malcolm's grandfather had played baseball with their Uncle Dickey. "I wish you and your brothers could come," she added, "but Malcolm's grandfather receives dialysis three times a week, and this is one of the only days I can go. And I'm not even sure what's going to happen. They don't get along at all." Malcolm didn't even know his grandfather had moved back to Suriname. Nobody in the family bothered to tell him, including the man Malcolm was named after. It made the four-hour drive very quiet. What was there to say about a man Malcolm loved, but had never liked?

"We moved to New Jersey when I was 14," Malcolm explained as the two of them waited at the retirement home where Malcolm's grandfather now lived. "But a few years ago, he decided he wanted to move back to Guyana. That's when he stopped speaking English. I don't know if he remembers how to speak it. He can still understand it, though. So you can talk to him in English, but I'll have to translate back for you in Dutch."

"Why did he come back to Suriname if your family is in Guyana?" Cookie asked.

"Because everyone in his family died in Guyana," Malcolm said flatly, and Cookie bit her lip until it bled.

Finally, Malcolm's name was called and the two of them made their way into the large, spacious room where the elder Malcolm DeVeaux, former Philadelphia Stars shortstop, now resided. Malcolm wasn't a small guy, but Big Mal – nicknamed that long before Malcolm was born – dwarfed his grandson, even in his late 80s. And there was still something very familiar about this man. "Dickey! Dickey!" Big Mal gasped, for he'd been waiting for this reunion ever since Malcolm told him about Cookie, and Cookie bore a strong resemblance to her uncle.

" _Ja,_ Opa," Malcolm confirmed with a smile. This is your friend's niece, Cookie Holloway Lyon." He flinched as his grandfather smacked Malcolm's arm. "What?" Cookie asked nervously. Had she created another rift between the men?

"Not friends," Malcolm corrected himself with a smile as he rubbed his forearm. "Brothers," he added respectfully.

" _Hmph!"_ Big Mal nodded emphatically, then began to speak again. "Wait…slow down, Opa. I can barely understand you." Cookie could only wait while his grandfather took a few breaths and slowed his speech. "He says that Dickey was his best friend," Malcolm translated. "Your uncle took off after he stopped playing baseball and my grandfather never saw him again…really? Really!" Malcolm beamed back at Cookie. "He said that your uncle was the best man at my grandfather's wedding."

"That's it!" _Now_ she knew why Malcolm's grandfather looked so familiar. One of the pictures that hung in Dickey's home was a picture of two men, arms around each other in tuxedos. One a tan-colored brown like Cookie, while the other man – much larger and notably younger – was so dark and tall that he reminded Cookie of a tree trunk. _Dickey and Dutch_ , it said underneath the photo. Now it all made sense. The elder Malcolm was the one they called Dutch Boy. "You were at the wedding when my uncle married my great-aunt Theresa!"

 _[Yes,]_ Opa Mal confirmed, with Malcolm translating for him. _[And Dickey was the one who introduced me to my sweet Lillian.]_ Malcolm reached out and squeezed his grandfather's hand. It had been nearly 40 years, but there wasn't a day that went by that either Malcolm didn't think of her. _[How did your uncle die?]_ Big Mal asked.

"Old age," Cookie answered. "He died in his sleep."

Big Mal nodded; he was in his early 80s himself _. [Your uncle was my best friend. I looked for him for years after we stopped playing baseball, but I could never find him. It wasn't right, what they did to him.]_ Big Mal shook his head, still disbelieving of everything that had happened. _[It just wasn't right!]_

"Do you remember what happened, Opa?" Malcolm asked. The old man nodded furiously, his eyes flashing with anger at the injustice so many years later. Dutch DeVeaux wasn't some 20-year-old boy anymore, too scared to speak up. Finally, somebody was going to speak up for Dickey and tell the truth about what _really_ happened. But the doorbell rang before he could answer. "Hold that thought," Malcolm said and left the room, leaving Cookie alone with a man who no longer spoke a word of English, but had a million questions.

Big Mal smiled at Cookie. He made a gesture at his face, spinning his hand widely in a circle around his face, then pointed back at Cookie. "I look like my uncle?" Cookie asked. Big Mal smiled widely and nodded. "He had pictures of you," Cookie informed him. "I've seen your face before. They called you Dutch Boy, didn't they?"

Big Mal laughed and nodded vigorously. Cookie flipped through her phone until she found the pictures that Malcolm had texted to her. "Huh!" Big Mal had never even seen his rookie card before, the card that identified him by his birth name. When he looked at an old picture of himself with Dickey with the caption _D &D=HR!, _Big Mal's eyes filled with happy tears. _"Broer,"_ he said, shaking his head at memories of his youth. He jabbed his finger at Cookie's phone. _"Mijn broer,"_ he said with pride.

"I…I'm sorry," Cookie said. "I don't know what that means."

"It means _'my brother,'"_ said a familiar woman's voice.

Stunned, Cookie whirled around, not daring to believe her eyes. Standing next to Malcolm, arms folded but eyes soft, was Cookie's beloved Kitten.

TBC


	7. But It's Too Late, Baby

"I didn't come for you," was the first thing Anika said to Cookie in two months, brushing right past her. For once in a long time, Anika had something on her mind that was more interesting and more pressing than Cookie. "I brought a surprise, Malcolm," was the second thing Anika said. "Actually, I brought three surprises."

"Really? _Whoa!"_ Malcolm barely had time to catch Taraji, who had made an unannounced flying leap into his arms. "There's my TJ! I missed you so much!" he said, as if he hadn't just seen her this morning. What a wonderful opportunity Anika had provided. "Opa," Malcolm said proudly, wrapping an arm around his wife while Taraji rested on his hip. "This is my wife, Desiree. And this is our daughter, Taraji."

Big Mal beamed as he came over to kiss Desiree on the cheek. Malcolm had never mentioned that he was married, let alone had children, but it was a wonderful surprise. _"Hallo! Welkom! Welkom!"_ Malcolm had no need to explain to his grandfather that Taraji wasn't his biological child; her bright green eyes and thick, blondish-brown hair made that obvious. Taraji held Malcolm even tighter, her eyes wide as the old man stood and shuffled in her direction. Big Mal took Taraji's hand in his and kissed it, and Taraji beamed. This man had all of the warm spirit that Malcolm had when he first came into their lives.

"And Opa?" Malcolm went on, gesturing Desiree to step forward. "Desiree and I just had a baby girl. Her name is Lillian. Lillian Cecile. We named her after Oma and Mama," he added, quite unnecessarily.

Big Mal was still smiling as he looked down at the tiny treasure in Malcolm's arms, but his face froze when Desiree pulled back the blanket to reveal the baby's angelic face. Eyes wide and jaw dropped, Big Mal looked back at Malcolm with a look of…shock? Disapproval? Anger? Wordlessly, the elder Malcolm turned and wandered out the room.

"Opa?" Malcolm called, bewildered at his grandfather's reaction.

 _Bang!_ went the bedroom door, waking Lillian and causing Taraji to burst into tears. "What's wrong?" Desiree asked as she bounced a wailing Lillian. "Was it something I did?"

Blood rushed to Malcolm's head. All his life, Malcolm had to hear about how he was soft, a sissy, a _flikker_. Always with a pop or a slap or a thump on the ear. It was the American blood in his veins that caused his family to kill themselves – as if Big Mal hadn't married an American woman and had an American daughter who had two American children before meeting Malcolm's father, a half-Guyanese man who took the surname DeVeaux because Thomas hated his American father so much.

For years, Big Mal took his grief and anger out on his remaining grandchild. Every flaw Malcolm had – from his inability to learn Saramaccan on top of Dutch to his stutter and bedwetting to his left-handedness – was because of Malcolm's weak American blood. Malcolm found solace away from his grandfather in sports, where he could take his own anger out on the boys who made fun of him for the very same reason. He couldn't strike out at his grandfather, but Malcolm could tackle harder than anyone, kick balls with pinpoint accuracy at heads and testicles, and throw punches and kicks so hard that bones broke and teeth shattered. Despite everything, Malcolm was being truthful when he told his wife that he'd had a wonderful Guyanese childhood.

His teen years, however, were a different story. One day, a group of boys locked Malcolm in a ball closet while playing the death tapes from the day of the massacre. Expecting Malcolm to have fallen asleep or passed out by then, the leader of the pack opened the door to let Malcolm out and paid dearly. "I swear, Cookie," he confessed while the two of them traveled to Paramaribo, "I went home and jacked off until my dick almost fell off. That's how good it felt to beat his ass." But everything changed when the boy died, especially when Malcolm remained unrepentant (and still was). Big Mal had no choice but to pack up his grandson and flee to the United States, where Big Malcolm was a naturalized citizen and Malcolm was a citizen as the child of an American-born mother.

Malcolm fell into the street life shortly upon their arrival to New Jersey. He was a big guy who kept his mouth closed, had hands like bricks and taught the dope boys Dutch words and phrases as code. Unlike in Guyana, none of that Jonestown shit mattered in New Jersey. Malcolm never became a dope dealer, but he was a brutal enforcer, and the name "Dutch Boy" – which Malcolm had no idea his grandfather had carried so long ago - became a feared one.

Malcolm's life as a hardened street thug lasted all of one summer. When Big Mal found a gun hidden under his grandson's mattress, he beat Malcolm until Malcolm gave up the name of the owner, tracked the owner down and gave him a beating that made Malcolm's attack on the boy look like foreplay, even while taking two shots to the abdomen for his trouble. From there, Malcolm became a pariah, moving through his teenage years by himself, like a ghost. Though word on the street was that Dutch Boy was a snitch, everybody knew the truth. Malcolm might have been an outcast, but nobody laid a finger on him.

"You know," Cookie mused when Malcolm was finished telling her his full childhood story, "the only thing that kept you from being Lucious Lyon was your grandfather."

After nearly 40 years of hatred towards his grandfather, Malcolm had to admit that Cookie was right. With Big Mal's size 12s firmly up Malcolm's ass, Malcolm straightened up, became an honors student and played drums for the church band. Malcolm went on to have a distinguished naval career, a far cry from dishing out beatings to rival drug dealers and broke-ass addicts. Now Malcolm, war hero and navy SEAL, stood before his grandfather with a beautiful wife and family.

And _this_ was how the old man reacted? _This_ was the way his grandfather treated Malcolm's daughter, who was named after his beloved grandmother and mother? And his wife was asking what did _she_ do? "I don't know, Desiree," Malcolm finally answered, barely able to contain his rage. He could never do anything right in the old fuck's eyes. Never. "I'm about to find out, though."

"Malcolm!" Cookie called. She had a feeling that she knew the reason behind his grandfather's sudden change of disposition after seeing Malcolm and Desiree's baby. She didn't know why, but she just _knew_. "Take a deep breath, okay?" Cookie suggested. "It might not be what you think. Desiree, why don't you go in there with them? I'll take the baby."

Desiree was about to say no, that this was a matter between the men. But the look in Malcolm's eye made Desiree think that a third party would be to their benefit. "Thank you, Cookie." She quickly handed Cookie the baby, then rushed to catch up with Malcolm. She caught the door just before it slammed behind him, but not before they heard the sound of angry voices shouting in Dutch.

Anika wound up with the baby as Taraji scrambled into Cookie's lap. The two were alone for the first time in two months. Cookie couldn't stop looking at Anika's lips. So pink, so natural-looking. Were they as soft and as sweet as she remembered? Did she still smell so good? "Like I said, I didn't come here for you," Anika informed Cookie, reading her thoughts easily. "I came here for Dickey."

"I know," Cookie said, resigned. "I tried to call you a couple of days ago."

"When? While you were lying up underneath Lucious?" Anika demanded, the pain still fresh in her heart. She had barely gotten over her hangover when Malcolm called.

"Well…yeah," Cookie admitted. "I grabbed Lucious phone on accident." Anika's eyes blazed at Cookie's confession. "Anika, you can't be mad at me about that. You broke up with me, remember?"

"Oh, come on, Cookie." Anika tried to keep her voice low for the sake of the children. "You knew I wasn't serious."

"Wasn't serious? Anika, you gave me back my key and told me to pack all my stuff!"

"I didn't think you would actually _do_ it, Cookie. But you did, didn't you?" she added bitterly. "And then you embarrassed the shit out of me on national TV before you ran off with Lucious."

"Watch your mouth." Cookie knew better than anybody that Taraji could become a parrot. It took days to break her from screaming "fuck!" at random times. "I didn't run off with Lucious," Cookie said tiredly. "He dragged himself along when I got the news that…" Cookie stopped talking.

"That you had cancer," Anika finished. "You found out that morning that you had cancer and instead of calling – oh, I don't know _, the woman you just told the world you loved_ – you ran off with your ex-husband and left me twisting in the wind, Cookie. Just like Lucious did to you."

"That was different." How could Anika possibly compare the way Lucious abandoned her to the way that she had…had she abandoned Anika? She'd set Anika free, that's what Cookie had done. Anika was free to find somebody else. Somebody who wasn't old and sick and broken and damaged beyond repair.

"Cookie, do you have any idea what you've put me through?" Anika tried not to cry. "Do you have _any_ idea what it was like wondering where you were for two months?"

 _Try 17 years, Boo Boo Kitty,_ Cookie thought, but she knew those two experiences weren't comparable. At least Cookie knew where her sons were. Anika had had no idea at all. If anything, what Cookie had done to Anika was even worse than what Lucious had done to her. "Then I find out that you had cancer and you didn't even tell me?" Anika's voice cracked as she looked away. "Lucious is the one you depended on, Cookie, not me! It was supposed to be _me!_ " Hadn't she held Cookie's hand that day, wiped the tears from her eyes, kissed and tongued her down later to make it all better? Why did you go to Lucious, instead of coming to me?"

"Anika, listen to me." Cookie reached for Anika's hand, but Anika jerked it away. "You've had two months to tell me what was up, Cookie," Anika said bitterly. "I don't care what you have to say anymore. There's no excuse for the way you treated me, and I'm tired of you hurting me like this."

"I thought that if I stayed away long enough, you'd find somebody who could treat you better than I do!" Cookie tried to explain.

"I don't care what you intended to do, Cookie! You made me look stupid and weak! You didn't even have the guts to call me or email me or even send me a text!" It took everything in Anika not to set Lillian down and drop kick Cookie all the way back to the United States. "You just sat back and let people run with that stupid Team Luckie bullshit while the whole world laughed at me! You never even said that you were sorry!"

"I _am_ sorry!" Cookie said forcefully. "Kitten-"

" _Don't call me that!"_ Anika screamed, forgetting that she had a sleeping baby in her arms. "Don't you _ever_ call me that again! I hate that fucking name! And I hate…" Her voice trailed, unable to finish.

Miraculously, neither one of the DeVeaux girls woke up from Anika's outburst. "Go ahead. Say it." Cookie said miserably, knowing that she deserved every bit of agony she was feeling.

"Say what, Cookie?"

"Say you hate me."

"Hate you?" Anika laughed bitterly. "I don't even have the energy to hate you, Cookie. I pity you, though."

Before Cookie could ask why Anika pitied her, the bedroom door opened and Desiree wandered out, much as Big Mal had wandered in. "Guys," Desiree said, and her face had that haunted look that Big Mal just had on his face moments ago.

Anika and Cookie both stood. "What's going on?" Cookie asked.

"Malcolm…he – well, they-" She held out a picture. "Look."

Anika and Cookie, who hoisted Taraji up on her hip, peered at the portrait in Desiree's shaking hand. "Lily!" Taraji declared happily, pointing to the picture in her mother's hand.

"No, TJ," Desiree corrected. "This isn't Lily. This is your grandmother, Cecile."

"Malcolm's mother?" Anika asked. The baby in the picture and the baby in Anika's arms were virtually indistinguishable. Cookie just smiled. She knew that was why Malcolm's grandfather had such a strong reaction to Lillian, though even she wouldn't have suspected the resemblance would be so close. "My hand to God," Desiree said to Anika and Cookie, "if this wasn't such an old picture, I wouldn't be able to tell which baby was my own child."

Taraji wasn't buying it. "Lily!" Taraji stubbornly declared again. _"Lily!"_ She snatched the picture out of her mother's hand, then wriggled out of Cookie's arms and ran to find her father for verification. _  
_

"Can you imagine what it must be like to have your daughter back in your arms over 60 years later?" Anika asked. As the only one in the house with no children, she couldn't imagine the emotions the elder Malcolm was going through right now. To have a wife, raise a family, watch them grow and have children of their own, and then…just gone. No answers, no explanations and always, always a source of shame and ridicule.

Cookie, mother of three grown sons, could hardly stand the idea of Rhonda and Andre raising children, only to all die later. "Listen, Desi." Cookie urged. "Let's put this off for a couple of days, okay? This can wait. It's just baseball."

"I agree with Cookie." It was the nicest thing Anika had said to her all day. "I've got a room at the Torarica until Sunday. So let's just wait until you and Malcolm have spent some time together with his grandfather. There's lots to do here in Suriname, I'm sure."

"What about you, Cookie?" Desiree asked. "We can put you up in a hotel if you need us to. I don't want you to go off empty-handed."

"That's okay," Cookie said, and turned to her ex-girlfriend. "I'm staying with Anika," she said, her voice syrupy sweet.

"You are?" Desiree and Anika asked simultaneously. "Cookie," Anika added, "I don't recall inviting you to come with me to my hotel room."

Cookie shrugged. "We have a lot to talk about, Anika. Now, we can talk about it in private or we can have it out right here in front of Malcolm's family." She grandly gestured to Desiree and Malcolm, who had gone into the kitchen to get beers for everybody.

Anika shrugged. "There's nothing you can't say to me that you can't say in front of Malcolm's family."

Still the spoiled little debutante, Anika was. "Okay, fine." Cookie crossed her arms and smiled. "I miss the taste of your pussy and I want you to ride my face again."

From the kitchen, Desiree whacked a choking Malcolm on his back. From the back of the home came loud, boisterous laughter. Big Malcolm was leaning against the door frame to his bedroom, while Taraji beamed in her great-grandfather's large, strong arms. "I like her," Big Mal told Malcolm. His voice was so slurred between his strokes, his Surinamese accent and his struggle to remember the language that only Malcolm could hear that his grandfather had spoken his first English sentence in nearly seven years.

* * *

The ride from Malcolm's grandfather's house to the Torarica was silent, and Anika kept the quiet going once she and Cookie arrived to the hotel. Anika still didn't have her answers about Dickey, which was fine – she'd much rather Malcolm have a couple of days alone with his family. But Cookie? Cookie was a different story. Anika knew Cookie far too well to think that Cookie was coming along with Anika for anything except for one reason.

They showered separately, and didn't speak again until Cookie ordered room service for two and they were forced to sit across from each other. "So why do you pity me, Anika?" Cookie asked dully, staring out at the water as they dined outside. Cookie felt like she felt the night they fought in Anika's apartment. Her eyes were heavy and she wanted nothing but to take Anika in her arms and cuddle with her. Truthfully, she would've preferred Anika's hatred than her pity.

"I pity you, Cookie, because you keep saying that you want what's best for me, and you want me to find somebody better than you." Anika also turned towards the water, not wanting to look at Cookie. "But why can't it be _you_ , Cookie? If you love me so goddamned much, why can't _you_ become a better person? Because it's not in you, that's why," Anika answered her own question. "And it's not just to me, either. You abandoned your entire family because you're so damned selfish. You don't _want_ to be better, Cookie."

Cookie wasn't selfish. Cookie was _terrified_. But she refused to let on. "Anika…" Cookie tried again, but Anika jerked her hand away and went back inside, leaving Cookie to clear the table. "Anika, when the doctor called me the first time about my Pap, I should've told you. And I'm sorry that I didn't." Cookie stepped inside and closed the balcony door behind her. "But I didn't want you to worry. I thought…" Cookie pursed her lips and took a deep breath before she went on. "I thought it would just be something small and that would be it. But they kept calling and calling…Anika, what the hell are you doing?"

While Cookie was pouring her heart out about her cancer story, Anika was taking her clothes off. "Look. I know why you're here, Cookie. You're here to have sex with me and then break up with me so I'd hate you. C'mon, Cook," Anika continued before Cookie could insult her intelligence by denying Anika's words. "You haven't spoken to me in two months. Now all of a sudden, you want to talk it all out? I might be stupid for loving you, Cookie, but I'm not _that_ dumb."

Cookie couldn't decide what was worse: that Anika thought Cookie was capable of doing such a terrible thing or Cookie actually _was_ thinking about doing such a terrible thing. Anika would hate Cookie forever but she would be forced to find somebody new. And yet…"Anika, I've made so many mistakes when it came to you and me. But I have _never_ deceived you until this whole cancer thing."

"I don't believe you, Cookie," Anika responded smartly. "But you know what? I don't even care anymore. That's what so sad about this whole thing. So let's get this over with."

"Anika, put your clothes back on." Good God, Anika was just as beautiful as she'd always been. Cookie closed her eyes and leaned back on the wall. She'd been that lovely once, years and years ago. Prison had robbed Cookie of her youth. It was times like this, looking over Anika's flawless body, that she realized how young this girl was.

"Come on, Cookie!" Anika bounced back on the king-sized bed, freshly washed and soft as satin. "You get to get a nut _and_ break my heart at the same time. Kind of like a two-for-one, you know?"

"Anika, put your clothes on." Cookie wasn't asking Anika anymore.

"Nope!" Anika stretched her flawless young body out on the bed, smiling seductively. "This is my hotel room. You can't tell me what to do. So." Anika shot Cookie a mocking, sardonic smile. "Put out or get out."

Under any other circumstances, Cookie would've drooled at the sight of Anika stretched out before her, naked and willing and down for whatever. Now, all she felt was sadness. "Fine, Anika. If this is what you want."

Cookie turned her back to Anika and removed her clothes slowly. She wasn't even completely naked when she heard Anika gasp at the sight of Cookie's bones showing through her skin. The bougie little bitch wanted to see everything, though, so Cookie waited until she had removed every stitch of clothing from her body before she turned around.

Stunned into silence, Anika sat up, visually comparing her young, smooth body to Cookie's thin, cancer-ridden frame, destined only to get smaller and smaller as time went by. Even the hair between her thighs sported stands of gray. "Anika," Cookie began, ignoring the blast of the air conditioner, "you are beautiful, and you are brilliant, and you are _so_ young. And one day, you are going to realize that you are in love with an old, broken-down ex-con who might be dying."

Cookie was speaking so quietly that the last word hit Anika like a shot to the stomach. "You're getting older, Anika," Cookie reminded Anika. "But I'm just getting old. By the time you're my age, I'll be 60 years old. And that's even if I live that long."

"Cookie…" Anika began, holding back her own tears.

"No, Anika. Just listen." Cookie swallowed the lump in her throat. "It's not worth it. _I'm_ not worth it. You can have your family back, your future…you won't be tied down to someone who has chemo appointments and medications to take. Do you see that now?" Cookie urged, pointing to Anika's naked body, then back to her own. " _Do_ you?" she demanded, her voice beginning to break.

Anika said nothing for a long time. She looked into Cookie's eyes, which were silently begging Anika to see her side, to forget Cookie and find someone – preferably a man – who would give her the life that her mother and father had paid so much money for her to have. A steady, secure life as a wife and mother. When Anika gave a small smile and nodded, Cookie could've cried with joy. She'd done it. She'd gotten through to Anika and Cookie didn't have to use her and leave her after-

"All I see that you've missed a few appointments at the waxing salon, Harriet Tubman," Anika finally answered.

 _I should've just fucked this girl and left her._ "Anika -"

"Oh, shut up, Cookie." Anika's laughter filled the air like music. "Cookie, I love you. I love you so much. You couldn't get rid of me if you wanted me to." Anika quickly crossed the room, taking Cookie's purse from her hand. "Cookie, this thing between you and me – this bougie debutante falling for the hardened ex-con - I don't think I've ever made this clear to you, so I'm going to say it now." Anika took a deep breath. She'd practiced these words in her mind over and over, long before Cookie ever left her. "I'm in love with you, Cookie. I want to be with you for good."

 _No. No, no, no…_ "We can't, Anika." Cookie loved this girl so much – oh, God, she couldn't hurt Anika anymore. "I don't want to hurt you anymore, but it keeps happening. And I don't want to keep doing this to you."

"Cookie, we can get through this. You know I would never leave you just because you're sick!"

"Goddamn it, Anika! You don't listen!"

"I don't need to listen, Cookie! I've heard this all a million times, and I'm not going to leave you just because-"

" _Will you shut up and listen to me, Lucious!?"_

 _"Lucious,_ Cookie?" Anika yelled, springing to her feet and grabbing her robe. Cookie just looked stunned. She put her hands over her mouth and took a few steps back. _"_ After all this, you're still thinking about _Lucious_?"

"I need to go, Anika. I'm sorry-" _Damn it!_ Cookie couldn't button her top fast enough, couldn't put her pants on fast enough, couldn't find her shoes, couldn't even stand up straight. Cookie was stumbling about as if she was drunk. Unable to make her hands stop shaking, she sank into the large, plush chair by the door and placed her head between her knees.

"No! Get up. Get up and get out!" Anika couldn't take it anymore. "If you're not going to listen to me, then get the hell out!"

"Okay...okay. I'm leaving." Cookie tried to get dressed again, but she couldn't make her hands do what they wanted, and she had to sit back down again. "Damn it, Cookie!" Anika shouted, furious all over again. She didn't want Cookie to leave. She wanted Cookie to listen, but Cookie clamped her hands over her ears. "Please, Anika," she begged. "Please...give me a minute and I promise I'll leave..."

"I don't want you to leave, Cookie! I want you to listen!" Anika knelt down beside Cookie and tried to hold her hands, but Cookie jerked away from her and began to cry. "Damn it, Cookie!" she screamed as Cookie cried even harder. "Why won't you just let me talk? Just listen to me! Please!"

Suddenly, the truth hit Anika like a lightning bolt. There was no other reason for Cookie to be acting the way she was, rocking back and forth, hands over her ears, desperately blocking out Anika's words of love. She'd heard them all before, nearly 20 years ago. _I sound like Lucious._

There was only one way for Anika to process the truth of the matter – on her knees, with her face tilted towards Cookie's. "Oh, my God," Anika whispered. "Oh, my God…"

Certainly Lucious had held Cookie all night long the night before Cookie went to prison. Certainly Lucious had told Cookie that he loved her, would always stick by her, would never leave her, _you're so beautiful…_ And here Anika was doing the very same thing, just as she would have done if Cookie had come home from the Grammys that day. _Cookie, I'm not going to leave you. Cookie, I'm going to take care of you. Cookie, I love you. Cookie, you're so beautiful…_

Slowly, Anika began to see the full picture. Cookie was willing to be the bad guy in the narrative so that Anika could come out unscathed. Sure, Anika looked like a fool, but Cookie looked like a cold-hearted snake. By abandoning her, more or less, it gave Anika the opportunity to find someone else and live the kind of life a second-generation debutante was born to live. Rather than being labeled as the evil bitch who left Cookie because she had cancer, Cookie would be the one who left Anika and ultimately got what was coming to her.

Such an act was just one more reason why Anika couldn't live without Cookie. Who else would have done something so selfless? "Cookie. Cookie, sit up for a minute, okay? Deep breaths…okay, nice and easy…" Anika kissed on Cookie's hands and cheeks and lips while she pleaded with Cookie. Cookie didn't return Anika's kisses, but she didn't stop them, either. Anika could taste Cookie's tears, which mingled with her own. "Cookie. Look at me. Please?"

Finally, Cookie looked up. Whatever she saw in Anika's eyes made her tear up again, but Anika held her gaze this time. "I'm not Lucious, Cookie," Anika said slowly, holding Cookie's face in her hands. "Do you hear me? _I'm not Lucious."_

It took a while for Cookie to stop shaking. No, Anika wasn't Lucious. She wasn't evil and she wasn't manipulative. And unlike Lucious, Anika had never let Cookie down since they began to see each other. Not once. "I know," Cookie finally answered back tearfully.

Anika wanted to tell Cookie how much she loved her. How she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Cookie Lyon. How she had pushed Anika from day one to be the best. They'd fought each other, backstabbed each other, forgiven each other, loved each other. In Cookie, Anika had found a love that she didn't even know existed. It was scary and exhilarating and unfamiliar.

For now, all of that could wait. "I have an idea." Anika brought Cookie to her feet, and they crossed the room together to the bed, where Anika sat and Cookie remained standing, arms folded across her chest. "Let's just lie down tonight, Cookie. And I won't say anything. Just let me hold you, okay? That way, maybe…" It was hard to express so much when one could say so little. "Maybe you'll feel how deep my love is for you, Cookie."

Cookie sat down on the bed next to Anika. She lifted her hand to run it across Anika's hair – perfectly coiffed now, short and expertly styled. After fussing at Anika for so long to get it cut, Cookie found herself missing the long hair. It gave Cookie an excuse to touch Anika's beautiful face. "You already don't have to say anything," Cookie said, holding her hand against Anika's cheek, and Anika turned her face sideways and kissed the palm of Cookie's hand.

* * *

Although she'd been out of prison for about a year, Cookie still wasn't accustomed to sleeping in silence and darkness. Something always had to be running in the background – usually old episodes of _Law and Order_. Unless it was raining outside (in which Cookie opened her bedroom windows), Cookie couldn't sleep unless there was noise and some kind of light.

Right then, Cookie could deal with the lack of light, but the silence was driving her crazy. The only sound was Anika's heartbeat, which Cookie could feel through her chest and on her back. Slow and steady, as it always was. Just like Anika was. "I have my surgery next week," Cookie said over her shoulder. Until now, the only other people who knew were Malcolm and Desiree.

"What?" Anika asked sleepily. Cookie might not have been able to sleep, but Anika could sleep through a riot. She sat up and yawned, rolling over so they faced one another. "Did you say you were having your surgery next week?"

"Next Thursday." Cookie didn't have the right to ask, but she did anyway. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course I will, Cookie." Anika curled up in Cookie's arms, laying her head on Cookie's chest. There would be no sex tonight, she knew. Tonight was just for holding and healing. "Where are you going to have it?"

Cookie chuckled. "I scheduled it in the last place in the world you would ever think to look for me."

"Where?" Anika quipped. "In church?"

"Very funny," Cookie answered. "In the Cayman Islands."

"You're kidding." Anika was wide awake now. Well, Cookie sure as hell was right about not being able to find her. "Yes, Cookie, I'll come with you. Of course, I'd go wherever you need me to."

"Thank you." Cookie waited until Anika got comfortable again before she spoke. "I'm sorry, Anika. For everything. I know it sounds crazy, but I swear, I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted you to find somebody who deserves you."

"I already found who deserves me, Cookie. I just wish _she_ knew that."

"I'm going to work on myself, Anika." Now _that_ was a surprise. Still in Cookie's arms, Anika situated herself on top of Cookie's body, relishing the feeling of Cookie's heart beating underneath her own. "Maybe I'll go to a therapist or some sort of counseling."

"Don't go changin' trying to please me, Cookie," Anika answered, then sang, _"I love you just the way you are..."_

"Well, thank you," Cookie laughed, and Anika reached up for another kiss. God, what had she been so afraid of? So much wasted time and wasted tears. Cookie didn't want to waste another day, not when her own days were possibly numbered now. "I'm scared," she admitted out loud. Cookie hadn't told that to anyone. Not to Malcolm, not to her sons, not even to Lucious.

"I know." Of _course_ Cookie was scared. Even now, Anika could feel the tremors shooting through Cookie's body. Who wouldn't be scared? "You don't have to go through this alone, Cookie. You have so many people who support you."

"Right. Like you. Takes getting used to." Anika was almost asleep when Cookie spoke up one last time. "I love you, Anika."

Cookie had never told Anika she loved her. She'd told her family, and she'd even told the world. But she'd never said it to Anika, not once. Anika looked up, and even in the dark, she could see Cookie's eyes filled with tears. "Kitten," Anika corrected. They kissed each other, long and deep, and finally fell asleep.

* * *

"Hello! Welcome! It is good to see you again."

For two days, Big Mal had been practicing the words over and over, intending to greet Cookie and Anika in English. English words felt strange on his tongue, but he was determined to speak them again. He had a helper, too. When Desiree sat down with Taraji for her speech therapy, she sat in her great-grandfather's lap. They were learning together.

"How have things been with them?" Cookie asked Desiree, who was nursing Lillian and happily watching Taraji "help" her father prepare a hearty Guyanese meal while pointing to objects for her great-grandfather to identify in English.

"They've come a long way," Desiree answered. "They had a lot to get off their chests. Lots of tears. A lot of grieving, I know." Malcolm spent the last two days going through his grandfather's photos, letters and other mementos of his family, and he broke down when he saw pictures of his older sisters. "I don't even remember which one is Sarah and which one is Catherine," he admitted shamefully, so Big Mal and Taraji helped him separate pictures in two piles while Desiree carefully wrote their names on the back. Malcolm didn't even want to touch any of his grandfather's things, but Big Mal gestured widely for him to take as many mementos as he wanted to take. He had over 40 years of memories to hold onto.

Desiree lowered her voice. "Malcolm's grandfather is crazy about the girls. I thought he would like Lillian more than Taraji because she's his blood, you know, but he loves Taraji just as much as he loves Lillian. They're the best of friends."

"Like grandfather, like grandson," Anika commented, smiling.

"Like father, too," Desiree replied. "Malcolm's father wasn't the father of his sisters. But he raised them and loved them just the same as Malcolm has done for Taraji. Malcolm said he didn't even know his father wasn't his sisters' father until after everyone died."

"Ah, guess who decided to come up for air," Malcolm greeted as he set the table. Cookie and Anika had spent two days holed up at the Torarica, making up for lost time. "You two look radiant," he smirked knowingly.

"Shut up, Malcolm," was all Cookie said, and Anika turned red as a beet.

Big Mal's English had improved greatly over the past two days, but this story – the story that Anika had traveled thousands of miles to hear for herself - was too important to stumble through. _[Your uncle was my hero, Cookie,]_ Big Mal informed Cookie as they all tucked into their fabulous Guyanese spread. _[There were some men on the team that didn't want me around because I wasn't American. But Dickey told the team to let me play. They would ask him, 'why are you working out with him when you both play the same position?' And Dickey said that he could practice with me day and night, but I still wasn't going to be second baseman. He was right, too. I got moved to shortstop, and your uncle stayed on second base. But if he wanted to be shortstop, he could've done that, too. Dickey always thought that players should be able to play two positions, but nobody else wanted to put in that kind of work.]_

"I guess that's where you get your work ethic from, Cookie," Malcolm added, breaking from his grandfather for a moment.

"The Holloway hustle," Cookie said with pride.

Big Mal nodded. _[Your uncle was so good that one day Coach put Dickey in to pitch when we lost three pitchers in a single game.]_

"No way!" Cookie didn't follow baseball, but even she knew it was abnormal for a second baseman to be able to pitch on a professional level.

 _[Yes, he did,]_ Big Mal said with pride. _[We lost anyway, but Dickey only gave up one run in four innings. Dickey Holloway was Superman. Everybody wanted to be as good as him, but nobody would ever admit it. Not a whole lot of tears shed when he left.]_

"If Dickey was so good," Anika asked, "why did he stop playing? Why can't I find _anything_ about him?"

Big Mal's smile faded, and it took a while to answer. _[Dickey did an interview for this Negro League sports magazine one day. Press wasn't the man's strong spot. If you needed an orange, Dickey was an orange grove, if you know what I mean.]_

"That must be a Holloway trait, too," Malcolm joked. Cookie kicked Malcolm under the table, and Anika playfully thumped Cookie on her thigh.

 _[I don't know how it came up, but one of the reporters asked Dickey what he thought about homosexuals playing baseball. And Dickey said that homosexual people already played baseball, so it didn't really matter. All he cared about was whether or not they could play. Huge thing to say in the '40s. Big balls.]_ Everyone laughed as Big Mal held his hands wide apart for emphasis _. [Anyway, Dickey was thrown off the team because of the morality clause in the contracts. And since everyone thought he liked men…]_

"…nobody would play with him," Anika finished. No wonder Dickey had been so bitter for so long.

"It gets better. Cookie, I think you're going to really be proud." Malcolm left, then came back to the dining room, returning with a copy of the controversial interview Dickey had given so long ago. "You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you that I found this," he told Anika, whose hands were at her wide open mouth. "Apparently, your uncle went on a tear that day, Cookie."

It was nearly impossible to believe what they were reading. Here was a young black man in the 1940s openly decrying Japanese internment _("nonsense laws made up by an idiot president"),_ scoffing at the idea of women not allowed to work _("The Negro woman has been working since the day she came to this country…")_ and anti-Semitism. ( _"Who are you,"_ he'd excoriated a reporter, _"to say anything against God's chosen people?")  
_

 _[A lot of people said that Dickey was drunk that day, or that maybe he was just looking for some spotlight, but I know better. Dickey was just speaking his mind. That article hit the media and his career was all over. Never mind that he was right.]_

"And since time has proven him to be right, he's been erased from history," Anika observed soberly. "Nobody is going to admit that Dickey Holloway was thrown off the team for being right in his views."

 _[The sad thing,]_ Big Mal added, _[was that some of us felt the same way. I know for a fact that at least three of the men I played with in my time were homosexuals. And none of us agreed with Japanese internment. But none of us made a sound when they fired Dickey, not even me.]_ Even now, Big Mal was ashamed of how he'd failed to stand up for his brother. _[God, I wish I'd have said something, even if I would've had to walk out with him. At least we could've walked out together.]_

"Do you think my uncle would've made it to the majors if it wasn't for that article?" Cookie asked as Anika carefully handled the pages. Cookie knew little of baseball and even less of respectability politics, but she knew all about what it was like to be punished for speaking one's mind. The idea that her uncle had been erased from the history books just for speaking his mind seemed more than just unfair. It was an injustice, plain and simple. A tragedy.

Big Mal thought long and hard before he answered Cookie _. [Dickey was a hothead],_ he replied _. [He wasn't going to just sit back and take it, like Jackie and Larry had to do. He would've busted a white man's head open and that would've been the end of it. He definitely had the skills to make it. Nobody can take that from him. But he was a better man than anything else.]_ A good man," Big Mal added in his slow, heavily accented English. "A good, good man."

"And he passed that goodness down to his family," Anika added, wrapping her arms around Cookie and holding her from behind. It was a pretty bold gesture, but Cookie didn't stop Anika. Instead, she turned around and pulled the woman she loved into her arms. "Yes, he did," Cookie agreed, and kissed Anika's lips in front of everybody. It was the first time Cookie had ever been affectionate with Anika in front of other people.

" _Koekje,"_ Big Mal said, still unable to pronounce "Cookie".

Cookie looked over at Big Mal, and Anika felt her body tense up. "Yes?"

Big Mal struggled to find the English words, but he needed to say what he needed to say in Cookie's language. In Dickey's language. "Tell...the world," he finally said, his eyes shining with pride and pain. "Tell...the world...about...my brother."

Cookie took Anika's hand in hers. "We will," she promised, and the old man smiled.

TBC


	8. Time Will Reveal

Cookie had never been a subtle woman, so Anika wasn't surprised to find her leaning against the bedroom doorway wearing nothing but a smile on her face. "Good morning, Ms. Lyon," Anika greeted, fresh out of the shower from her morning run. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Don't act brand new with me, girl." Cookie strolled across the room and wrapped her arms around the woman she loved. "You look good, Ms. Calhoun," she purred, letting her fingers trace the soft, sensitive skin below Anika's navel.

"Thank you, Ms. Lyon. I'd look much better with my clothes on, you know."

Cookie ignored that suggestion. "You smell good, too, Ms. Calhoun," she said, nuzzling her face in the crook of Anika's neck.

"Thank you, Ms. Lyon. I try to bathe at least once a week."

"I must've got you on a good day." Anika giggled as Cookie kissed her all over her neck and shoulders. At times like these, Anika wished she could take a picture of the two of them together. The mirror gave Anika a perfect view of the two of them in their natural positions – Anika coy and wanting, Cookie determined and wanting. "Do you taste as good as you look?"

"Keep it up," Anika warned as Cookie nipped Anika's earlobe, "and you're going to swallow my earring."

"I'd rather swallow something else." Only a thin layer of lace protected Anika's ass from Cookie's firm smack. Anika squealed as Cookie tugged on Anika's underwear, pushing Anika on the bed. "Cookie, you know I have to meet Malcolm in couple of hours."

"I know." Wickedly, Cookie grabbed Anika by her ankles, dragging her all the way to the foot of the bed before going to her knees. They both knew that Anika wasn't going to put up much of a fight. There was only one way for Anika to react to such behavior: on her back, with her face titled towards heaven. "Oh, my God," Anika gasped just seconds into Cookie's morning feast. "Oh, my _**God!**_ I can't-Cookie, just let me sit up-"

"Mmm-mmm," Cookie answered, her face firmly between Anika's thighs. That's when Anika's phone went off. "What the…no. _Nooooo_ ," Cookie moaned. "Don't answer that."

Anika reached for her phone and glanced at the screen. "Mmm, I have to. It's Malcolm."

"Malcolm?" Cookie snatched the phone from Anika's hand. "Malcolm? Anika can't come to the phone right now. She's getting some nookie from Cookie." She tossed the phone to the side. "Where were we?"

" _Cookie!"_ Seconds later, the phone rang again. "Move…move!" Cookie grabbed for the phone, but Anika was faster. "Hey Malcolm…no, it's fine…you know how Cookie is…no! No, this is a good time."

" _Liar!"_ Cookie yelled loud enough for Malcolm to hear. Anika waved her off as she left the room to talk in peace as Cookie sulked. It had been too long since Anika had been on top of her, working that nookie thang to the left and to the right. _Yeah, I got somethin' for that ass, Boo Boo Kitty._

After what felt like forever, Anika came back into the room. Usually, she would have laughed or pushed Cookie down for such a silly display of ownership, but now she had a strange look her face. "Cookie…"

"Anika?" The look on Anika's face made Cookie nervous. "What's wrong, baby?" Anika's mouth began to move, but no words came out. Whatever Malcolm just told Anika had stunned her to the core. Cookie scrambled out of bed and crossed the room swiftly. "Anika, what happened?" Anika shook her head over and over, but still couldn't speak. "Did something happen to your family?" Still no answer, just a shake of the head. "Did something happen to _my_ family?"

"Oscar," Anika finally managed to say.

"Oscar?" Cookie asked. "Who's Oscar?"

"No, _Oscars_." Still in a trance, Anika pointed to Cookie. "Best Original Song." She pointed back to herself. "Best Short Subject Documentary."

For a moment, Cookie and Anika were identical in their shock – first, for each other, then for themselves. Then it turned into exhilaration as Cookie and Anika let off twin shrieks and fell on top of each other, kissing in between their screams. 10 months. 10 long, grueling months of hard work and recovery and treatment and tears. Two steps forward and three steps back, month after month after month, but they'd made it through.

* * *

Anika might not have liked the nickname Kitten, but what else could Cookie think of when she came out of anesthesia and found Anika curled up next to her in her hospital bed, her head on Cookie's chest? It would become her default position for nearly a year. Cookie and Anika spent six weeks together while Cookie healed from her hysterectomy. With Cookie incapacitated and Anika on her home turf, Cookie could expound on her fears and her plans, and why she ran from Anika for so long. Anika held Cookie night after night, promising her that she needed nothing more than to be close to Cookie.

"All I care about is us beating this thing, Cookie," Anika told her tenderly, over and over. "We're in this together."

Once they came back to the United States, reality set in. Anika was now the CFO of Empire Enterprises as well as the primary caretaker of a woman with cervical cancer. While Lucious stepped back into the position of head of A&R, Cookie endured chemotherapy four days a week, three hours a day, and spent most of her spare time sleeping. She could barely sit up long enough to eat a meal, let alone sit through a meeting.

The treatment took away Cookie's cancer cells, her energy, her appetite, and eventually her hair. Yet, if anybody asked Cookie how she was feeling, she always said that everything was _fine_. Cookie's appetite was _fine_. Her sleeping pattern was _fine_. Her energy levels were _fine_. Her feelings were _fine_ , even after the newest memes of her head on a stick or with flies buzzing all around her.

Anika could've told anybody who was listening that Cookie was lying. The more the treatment took from Cookie, the more Cookie withdrew from her friends and family, and especially Anika, who Cookie broke up Anika every three weeks or so, for a myriad of reasons. Cookie wanted Anika to move on. Cookie wanted Anika to leave her alone. Cookie wanted Anika to shut the hell up. Cookie was sick of the diets, sick of the chemo, and sick of the group therapy sessions that both Anika and Dr. Logan insisted she go to. She hated the lubricant that was now required for their sex life. She hated the dental dams that Anika had to use because the chemo medicine could be passed through oral sex. She hated having to change her sheets in the middle of the night because the early-onset menopause resulted in heavy night sweats. Most of all, Cookie hated that Anika endured all of these things without a complaint, along with Cookie's ever-worsening behavior. Did Anika have to be so...understanding? So kind? So patient? Why didn't Anika leave? It had to be coming, Cookie was sure. It was just a matter of when.

 _Might as well get it over with…_

The first breakup caused a torrent of tears and screaming that rivaled their time in Suriname. It didn't drag on for two months, but Anika was halfway packed out of Cookie's house before Cookie begged her to come back. The second breakup resulted in a nasty fight that brought to mind their night before the Grammy Awards. Anika went to visit some of her sorority sisters in Chicago, while Maxine stayed with Cookie.

 _It's Lucious all over again,_ Maxine thought sadly. Just like with her ex-husband, Cookie was needling and worrying and pushing Anika until she would get fed up and leave her. But unlike Lucious, who couldn't live without Cookie, Anika would be fine without Cookie. At least Cookie wasn't going upside Anika's head and accusing her of cheating just yet. But Maxine knew that those accusations were coming, and they were coming soon. Already, Cookie was voicing concerns that Anika wasn't satisfied in the bedroom. "She's off in Chicago…and you know what, Aunt Maxine? I hope she _is_ getting some. I know she's sick of my dry-ass, geriatric pussy…"

Maxine's heart ached for her sister's daughter. She was long past her menopausal years, but she still remembered the emotional toll it had taken on her body. But at least it had happened naturally and over time. With a radical hysterectomy, menopause hit Cookie all at once. "I just want her to be happy," Cookie cried, her head in Maxine's lap. "Why is she still here with me? Why won't she just leave?"

"Don't worry, Cookie," Maxine assured Cookie generously. "Keep treating Anika the way you treat her and you'll get what you want eventually." It was a chilling warning that hit home for Cookie. _Just look up and see me gone._

When Anika called Cookie from Chicago and tentatively suggested that they try it again, Cookie quickly agreed. The truce lasted two weeks. A cap on a tube of lube fell off and spilled all over their bed. In another time, the two of them would've laughed it off. Now, it was just another mortifying reminder to Cookie that she'd been robbed of her womanhood, at least in her mind.

"I hope that one day, you'll stop punishing me for loving you, Cookie," was all Anika said that time, and she went to New Jersey to visit with Candace while Carol came to New York to take care of Cookie.

"I hope Anika kicks your ass when she gets back," Carol said, echoing the overall Holloway family viewpoint.

Anika didn't go that far, but she decided to follow Candace's advice for the next time Cookie blew up at her. "Ignore her," Candace suggested, and Anika did exactly that. "I'm not going anywhere, Cookie," Anika informed Cookie bluntly after one of Cookie's trademark meltdowns. "Do you understand? We're going to beat this thing, and we're going to do it _together_. Shut up and eat your soup."

Anika stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Minutes later, Cookie could hear Anika crying. _She really means it,_ Cookie thought wondrously. It wasn't Cookie's cancer that was making Anika miserable; it was _Cookie_ who was making Anika miserable. Cookie, who had promised Anika that she was going to work at becoming a better woman, was treating Anika even worse than she had when they worked at Empire together. "I've got to stop this," Cookie said out loud as Anika's crying went on and on. She ate her soup, found a one-on-one therapist in addition to her group therapy, and never broke up with Anika again.

* * *

While Cookie was undergoing chemo, Anika was contacting every sports publication and television show she could think of. Nobody was interested in Dickey's story. "What _gives?"_ Anika wondered time and time again. The story of a man who spoke out against racism and sexism in the 1940s, and nobody cared? It was like he was being blackballed over again.

Quietly Cookie stepped in. Demanding to see the curator at the Philadelphia Sports Hall of Fame during a family visit, Cookie whipped out her checkbook and a pen. "My girl has been going on and on about this for months. I'm tired of hearing about it. How much will it take to get her the audience she wants?"

Anika bounded into the room the night Cookie flew back to New York, excited beyond belief. Cookie nodded and smiled as Anika went on and on about how it was about time that Dickey's accomplishments be acknowledged, and how all the hard work had been worth it. He would posthumously receive the Pride of Philadelphia Award and be inducted into the Philadelphia Sports Hall of Fame. It was overdue, they both agreed.

When the Hall announced its expansion plan just two weeks later, Anika knew that all her hard work hadn't accomplished a damn thing. "You went behind my back!" she screamed while Cookie recoiled from Anika's verbal attack. "You couldn't just let me have this, could you?! You couldn't let me do this on my own!"

Cookie was unapologetic. "You've spent months trying to get people to listen to you, and they weren't interested. Now they are. Where's my soup?"

Maxine and Jethro agreed with Cookie. "So what if it took money to do it?" Maxine soothed while Anika cried in her arms. "Baby, money under the table is what made this whole damn country. You're getting Daddy the recognition he deserves, and that's all that matters."

"I just wanted Uncle Dickey to be awards for his own merit, that's all," Anika said tearfully. "I feel like I let him down."

"Let him down?" Jethro asked. "Anika, Dickey Holloway is starting to be a household name. Did you know that there's some petition started to get Daddy nominated in the Negro League Hall of Fame?" Nobody ever knew why Dickey Holloway been banished for baseball - not even his children - and the rumors were too awful to be believed. _Dickey slept with the owner's wife. Dickey was taking banned substances or scuffing the baseball or doing unnatural things with God knew who or what._ But now, what was once a source of shame for the Holloway children was now a source of pride. "And there are a few Stars still alive, you know. They'll be at the induction ceremony. Maybe you could talk to them for an interview or something."

"Anika, you've _got_ to forgive Cookie for this one," Maxine encouraged. "She meant well, baby. Cookie saw how upset you were, and she helped out the only way she knew how."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cook gon' Cook," Anika said bitterly. _You gotta let Cookie be Cookie,_ she reminded herself over and over. Sometimes, it was exhausting.

Still, Anika had to admit that getting Dickey's story out to the public was the end goal. By the night of the induction ceremony, all of Anika's bitterness had washed away. So what if they'd done it Cookie's way and not her way? Cookie's way had a powerful way of getting things done. Besides, this wasn't about Anika anymore. It was, in the words of the emcee on the night of Dickey's induction, _"a chance to right a grievous wrong."_

Watching Maxine and Jethro of tearfully speak of their father and the values he'd passed down to his children and grandchildren was the one of the proudest moments of Anika's life. Finally, Dickey Holloway's contributions to baseball – both as a player and as an ambassador of the sport - had been rightfully acknowledged in front of the world. She just hated that Cookie couldn't be there. When chemo treatments didn't produce the desired results, Cookie's treatment was switched from chemotherapy to radiotherapy, and Cookie was even more tired than ever. Still, Anika stayed, and Cookie no longer pushed her to go.

"The Pride of Philadelphia!" boomed John Sharp that night, a man who was almost as old as Dickey had been. As promised, John also had a couple of pictures, a couple of pieces of memorabilia, a couple of teammates that Anika could talk to, and a lot of stories to tell. Including Big Malcolm, there were four other members of the 1934 Stars championship team, along with a number of their children and grandchildren who were now reaching out to talk to Anika. With Ryan at her side, camera at the ready, Anika scanned pictures, tracked down every possible scrap of information, and flew all over the country.

At the same time, Empire announced the plans for launching a film production company. A short subject documentary would be a perfect project for the division that had made nothing but music videos and little mini-specials until now. Why not one on Uncle Dickey, the newly inducted Pride of Philadelphia? Anika disagreed. "Cookie," she lamented, "who is going to sit through a movie about a man nobody knows, other than us?" Even though the failure would largely be on Empire's shoulders, Anika was terrified that she would fall on her face. Dickey's family and some ancient baseball fans were one thing. The general public was something else entirely.

But Cookie's instincts for storytelling were just as spot-on as her ear for music. Relentlessly, she hammered Anika day and night, pushing until Anika finally agreed that yes, yes, _yes_ , goddamn it, she would get all of her information and footage together and work with Ryan to produce what eventually became the Academy Award nominated documentary entitled _Standing Alone: The Dickey Holloway Story._ Even with a life-threatening illness, Cookie was going to be Cookie. Deep down, Anika wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

"Well, well, well. Look who's glowing," Malcolm observed sarcastically as Anika entered the spacious Empire Enterprises performance hall, where _Standing Alone_ would be presented for the first time to a public audience. "And look who's three hours late."

Anika waved a hand and gave Malcolm a friendly hug and kiss, knowing that Malcolm wouldn't begrudge her. She'd missed the rehearsal and the first run-through of the film, but they both knew Anika would be just fine when she got on stage. "How are Desiree and the girls?" she asked. As excited as everyone was about tonight, Malcolm and Desiree agreed that a four-year-old and a 14-month-old would be bored to tears on a night like this one.

"Everyone is fine. Still packing up for the move back here."{ Malcolm pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile. He looked like a little boy with a frog behind his back. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked.

"Of course you can."

Malcolm beamed. "Dez is having a baby boy," he announced proudly. "We weren't planning on having any more kids, but...what can I say?"

"Congratulations, Malcolm!" Anika squealed, squeezing Malcolm's hands, then giving him a hug. "This day keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?"

Arm in arm and ignoring the flashing cameras from the paparazzi, Malcolm and Anika walked into the elevator together, and rode silently all the way up to the 13th floor. It was Cookie's old office, and one of the few places where they felt comfortable speaking freely. "Speaking of better," Malcolm said, "How is Cookie doing?"

The jubilant mood between Anika and Malcolm faded. This was Anika's cue to say that everything was _fine_ , except for the fact that it was Malcolm's job to study things, and he would see straight through her. "We won't know until tomorrow," Anika told Malcolm, still not able to believe it. This time, Anika and Cookie had enjoyed three months of post-chemo bliss before they got the dreaded phone call. The cancer cells had advanced to the upper part of Cookie's vagina. The first check-up after Cookie's radiotherapy treatments showed that no cancer cells had been detected, but the additional tests proved inconclusive. After yet another round of invasive, extensive testing, Anika and Cookie would soon learn whether the cancer was gone for good, or whether Cookie was just treading water.

Anika and Malcolm sat on the edge of Cookie's desk and looked down at a huge, brightly lit water fountain. "Cookie says…" Anika had to take a breath before she kept going. "She says that if the radiotherapy didn't remove the rest of the cancer cells, she's going to stop treatment."

"Wow." Malcolm was stunned. Cookie had told him that she was doing _fine_. If Cookie stopped receiving treatment for her illness, she would be dead in a year if she was lucky.

"You know…Malcolm, I know life isn't fair. We've known that since we were kids. But…" Anika clenched and unclenched her fists, then slammed her palms against the wall until her hands hurt too much to do it any more. "This isn't fair, Malcolm! It's _not!_ " Anika protested, as if Malcolm could do anything about the matter. "The woman I love is _dying_ , Malcolm. This isn't right!" That's when Anika remembered who she was talking to. "God, Malcolm. I'm sorry." Anika broke their hold and quickly wiped her eyes. "I don't even know what I'm saying. Complaining about life not being fair, to you, of all people..."

"It's okay." Ever the gentleman, Malcolm pulled out a handkerchief for Anika to wipe her eyes, waiting patiently while Anika pulled herself back together. "They say everything happens for a reason, but between you and me, I don't buy that. It's like...why did 9/11 have to happen, or Hurricane Katrina? Why does Cookie have cancer? Why did my family die for nothing, and why am I still here? I don't think there's anything wrong with asking, just as long as you're okay with the fact that you'll never know."

"Thanks, Malcolm. Thank you for understanding." Anika said gratefully. As they made their way back into the main concert hall, Anika asked, "Were you able to get the dedication to your grandfather in tonight's program?"

"You know I was," Malcolm grinned. "Thanks, Anika. I know you had a hand in that." Big Malcolm had lived just long enough to see his contribution to the documentary, with Malcolm acting as his translator. Malcolm was with his grandfather as they whispered the names of the dead over and over - _Lillian, Cecile, Thomas, Sarah, Catherine -_ until Big Malcolm finally went to join them. In the elevator, Malcolm carefully dabbed at Anika's tears while Anika straightened Malcolm's tie. "And try not to worry too much about Cookie giving up on treatment, okay? Cookie would fight the sun if she thought it was rising too early. She's not going to let this beat her."

"I know, Malcolm." If anybody was up for a good fight, it was the Cookie Monster. "But everybody reaches their breaking point. What if this is Cookie's?"

"I doubt it." Malcolm smiled as the elevator doors opened and gestured to the other side of the room. "Look."

Anika looked. _"Cookie!"_ Her debutante sponsor would have been mortified, but Anika half-walked, half-ran to Cookie, who laughed and stretched her arms out. "Cookie, you made it!"

"Mmmm. Hey, baby." Nobody would've blamed Cookie for taking staying home on one of her precious few free nights, but Cookie had opted to come with her family to see Anika's film. "I knew I had to make this one, since I didn't make it to the ceremony up in Philly. And you _know_ I had to see my babies perform tonight."

Cookie's hand never left Anika's as they began to greet the others - Andre and Rhonda, Candace and her husband, David, Maxine and JJ, who was there in place of Uncle Jethro. "Aunt Max, you want a play a quick game of Whist before the movie starts?" Anika asked. "I have a deck of cards in my purse."

"Oh, uh-uh!" Candace cried, mortified. "Could y'all be any more ghetto?"

"Look around, Candace," Malcolm advised. Nearly everybody in the audience was black. "And somebody deal me in."

It was like old times, but better. Even when Jamal and Hakeem left to rehearse backstage, the trash talking and bragging was just as rowdy as those old house parties, back when Anika was merely "Cookie's friend." Amongst everyone, the spirit of Dickey Holloway blessed them all. "Awwww, humbug! _Hum_ - _bug!_ " JJ had a card in his hand, looking and sounding so much like his father. " _Can't let a six walk!"_ JJ and Malcolm shouted together. But before JJ could take the bid, a small, perky young woman approached their table. "Ms. Holloway?"

Five heads turned. "Yes?" Maxine, Carol, Candace, Cookie and Anika said together, then laughed.

"I'm sorry," the young woman clarified with a smile. "Ms. Anika Holloway. We're ready to begin in about 20 minutes. We need you and Mr. DeVeaux to take your place so you can be mic'd."

Malcolm sighed, having been denied his moment of glory. "I guess we'll have to postpone this beatdown until later, JJ."

"G'on, boy," Maxine groused, not ready to concede that she and Anika had lost the last two games, and were on the verge of losing a third. "Go get 'em, niece," she said to Anika. "You represent my daddy right, just like you always do."

"You know I will." Anika rose and had to be hugged and kissed by everybody, saving Cookie for last. "Wish me luck," she whispered in Cookie's ear.

"No need," Cookie said confidently. "I'm so proud of you, Kitten." She gave Anika a peck on the lips. "Malcolm, I know your wife ain't here, so don't go stealing _my_ wife. I saw you two on TMZ a little while ago, holed up in some damn elevator."

"I promise nothing, Cookie," Malcolm said. "But let's do one last toast before me and Anika run away to Boston together." Over the laughter and teasing, Malcolm raised his water glass high. "To Dickey."

"And Dutch," Anika added, and gave Malcolm's hand a squeeze.

Malcolm nodded & swallowed the lump in his throat. "To Dickey and Dutch," he announced, just as proud as Anika was.

" _To Dickey and Dutch!"_ cheered the Lyon-Holloway clan. Malcolm offered his arm to Anika, and the two of followed the young woman down the stairs to celebrate Dickey's legacy once again. No matter how many times they did it, it would never, ever get old.

* * *

Anika never got her 20-foot high billboard. Cookie's marriage proposal came in a large manila envelope instead. "You're changing your name back to Holloway?" Anika asked, flipping through the formal papers that would alter her Social Security card, her driver's license, and other forms of identification.

"Kind of. I'm keeping Lyon because it's my business name," Cookie said, her eyes closed. She'd finally finished her last round of radiotherapy. "And it's my sons' name. I think they'd be real hurt if I got rid of it completely. So I'm gonna be Loretha Lyon Holloway now."

"I like it. But why now?" Cookie had had years to go back to her maiden name, and there was nothing down the pipeline that would require such a thing.

"I knew you'd never want to be a Lyon," she answered. "And you know how my family feels about you. So…"

Anika's heart began to pound. What Cookie was implying was so far off Anika's radar that she'd never even considered it before. "Cookie, are you…"

Cookie opened her eyes and smiled. She was 20 pounds lighter, all but completely bald and retired from the music industry good. Still, Anika stayed. "Will you marry me?"

Since Cookie's first marriage had been a shotgun wedding, she acquiesced to Anika's wishes for a traditional white wedding, although Anika refused to wear a wedding dress. "I had my fill of fancy dresses back in my debutante days," Anika informed her wife-to-be, opting for a simple, yet stylish white suit.

It felt wonderful to be surrounded by so many people who loved them. Hakeem gave his mother away. Andre, having just finished his requirements to be a junior minister, performed the wedding ceremony. Taraji made for a wriggly little flower girl who loved to chase the ring bearer - Elle's grandson, Carter – and Lillian munched happily on the rose petals in her big sister's basket until Becky noticed and had to hide it. Elle had replaced Lucious on guitar, a number of Empire artists were providing entertainment, and Malcolm graciously stepped in for the no-show drummer. He was a left-handed drummer on a right-handed kit, but he still blew everybody away. "Where was he," Andre gasped, "when we needed a drummer for Tiana's first album!?"

It went without saying that Jamal would play piano and sing during his Cookie and Anika's dance. Anika had chosen one hell of a song, too: "All This Love" by DeBarge. Jamal was nervous at the thought of singing such a classic song, but he sounded terrific from the very first note.

 _I had some problems_  
 _And no one could seem to solve them_  
 _But you found the answer_  
 _You told me to take this chance…_

Secretly, Anika never thought she and Cookie would actually make it down the aisle. The two of them wore no rings, made no announcement to the public and had only decided to move Anika to Cookie's house because while Cookie had moved all her things out of Anika's home, Anika never did the same. Now, not only was Cookie her wife, but Anika was a full-fledged Holloway now. How could she be anything but happy?

 _And all this love is waiting for you_  
 _My baby, my darling_  
 _And all this love is waiting for you…_

Anika lifted her arm and allowed Cookie to twirl underneath. She'd secretly practiced this move with Rhonda until they finally got it right. Now was the big moment. _Please work, please work, please work…_

It was Motown perfect. Cookie turned around just in time to see El DeBarge, sister Bunny and brothers Mark and Randy - bass included - gliding on the stage. With the exception of the eternally incarcerated James, now replaced by Jamal, Anika had arranged for the reunion of the legendary group DeBarge to sing at their wedding. Cookie screamed and jumped up and down until she broke a heel. "How did you-?!" How did Anika pull this off? How did she do this without Cookie knowing? How did Anika even know that Cookie would've left her husband and kids for El DeBarge, now giving a master class in falsetto notes?

"I learned from the best," Anika said, holding Cookie close as they continued their wedding dance. Anika had pulled off the reunion, Cookie Lyon style – with money. _Lots_ of money. _"Say-a-a-a-ay…say you love me,"_ Anika crooned in her new wife's ear.

DeBarge was only hired to sing three songs – All This Love, Queen of My Heart, and I Like It. The last song featured El, Randy and Jamal trading the leads, though Jamal had the good sense to leave the high notes to the masters. The feedback from the wedding crowd rivaled any performance of any entertainers in the history of Empire Enterprises. _**"More! More! More!"**_ The family looked surprised and nervous at such a warm, welcoming reception. After a quick conference with his brothers and sister, El turned to Cookie and Anika. "Is it okay if we sing a little bit more?" he asked, humbled by the love in the room for his family.

"You can sing all night!" Anika invited. She'd paid them enough money to sing for five years straight.

El turned to Malcolm. "Do you know Time Will Reveal?" Malcolm nodded. "Okay, let's do it!"

"Another dance?" Anika asked Cookie. "Or should I just get you a chair before you pass out?" Cookie managed to remain standing out of sheer will alone. She let out a tiny fangirl squeal from time to time, but Anika's hold on her waist was nice and firm as she sang along with the group.

 _I know just how you feel_  
 _But this time, love's for real_  
 _In time, it will reveal_  
 _The special love that's deep inside of us_  
 _Will all reveal in time..._

Thanks to a couple of Instagram clips uploaded by Hakeem during the wedding, #DeBargeIsBack was the top trending topic on Twitter, even above #BooBooCookie. By the time everyone was dancing to the rhythm of the night, Cookie had two sensational ideas. One, she planned to hire Malcolm as Empire's permanent session drummer. Two, she was going to sign DeBarge to the Empire label. Cookie might have been retired, but her ear was still golden.

* * *

Tonight's showing of _Stand Alone_ was not for Hollywood bigwigs or celebrates. Tonight was the night for young people, overwhelmingly African-American, to view a movie about a proud black man who stood for equality for all disenfranchised people, not just his own. Originally, only a few baseball teams from inner-city schools were invited, and Anika rented out a small community center. But as the buzz grew bigger, more and more schools began to call. Did the athletes have to be black? What about female athletes? Was the event only for students at the impoverished schools? It got to be such a huge event that Empire was forced to come up with a lottery system - 10 girls and 10 boys from every school that signed up, which turned out to be nearly every middle school and high school in New York City. Now, 7,500 people were ready to view Dickey's story.

Everybody knew that Oscar buzz didn't translate to a successful film, and even though the Dickey Holloway biography held a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, Anika still worried. "Don't be," Malcolm told her. It was his job to study things, so while Anika watched the film, Malcolm watched the crowd. "They love it. Just you watch." When the lights came on, the majority-black, majority-teen audience gave such roaring applause that the ground shook under Anika's feet. "Told you," Malcolm said with a wink. "Now, let's get back on that stage and get the music going."

The young crowd knew little about DeBarge – now named DeBarge featuring Jamal Lyon – but they loved "Stand Alone" so much that the group performed it two more times. The crowd also loved the new music Jamal had been working on with El, who had become Jamal's mentor and vocal coach. Lucious would've been grumbling about the free concert his artists were giving, which was just one more reason why Anika was glad he hadn't come. Tonight was all about love and giving back to the community.

"Ms. Holloway?" the perky girl from earlier asked Anika. "Could we get a picture of the all of the songwriters before your sons go back onstage?"

"Lucious isn't here," Anika answered, "but El and Bunny are." Like back in the old days, Bunny and El were DeBarge's primary songwriters. They shared the Oscar nomination for "Stand Alone" with Cookie and Lucious. "And Cookie…" _Wait, where's Cookie?_ "Hakeem!" Anika called as the Lyon brothers came backstage with the DeBarges. "Where's your mother?"

"Anika." Andre pulled Anika to the side and lowered his voice. "Mom said she was getting tired. Malcolm took her home."

Andre's tone of voice gave his words a much deeper meaning. "Oh, no." _Not here, not tonight, not in front of all these people…_ Bladder control problems weren't uncommon among women who had radical hysterectomies, and they were usually temporary. But the problem still humiliated Cookie, who obsessively checked her outfits several times a day for the slightest bulge or the faintest crackle of cloth. If Cookie chose a night like tonight to go without for the sake of fashion…"Was she wearing anything? You know, for protection?"

"I'm sure she was, Anika," Andre assured. "Look, don't make a big deal out of this. Mom didn't want to take the spotlight off you tonight, that's all. If you leave, you know her sisters are going to start asking questions. Stay for a little while longer, okay?"

 _It's about how Cookie feels, not me,_ Anika reminded herself, as she had so many times over the course of a year. If Cookie wanted Anika to be with her right now, she wouldn't asked Malcolm to take her home. And unlike Lucious, who would use a vulnerable moment like this one to weasel his way back into Cookie's good graces, Anika trusted Malcolm with Cookie's life. "Okay," Anika sighed. "Say, does Rhonda know how to play Bid Whist?"

* * *

Cookie was almost asleep when Anika came into the bedroom, some two hours later. Cookie was surprised when Anika didn't come home right away, but Anika had stayed gone just long enough for Cookie to begin to miss her, yet not long enough to feel worried or lonely. "How did everything go?"

"It went well." Anika began to undress and went to run a hot bath. "Andre said you came home because you were tired. Are you feeling okay?"

It was a loaded question. "Yeah." That meant that Cookie was wearing the proper undergarments and made it out of the center unnoticed. "I peed on myself tonight," she admitted, looking everywhere in the room but Anika. "I'm sorry."

Anika sat on the bed next to Cookie and wrapped her in a hug. She knew how hard telling Anika such a thing was for Cookie. But Cookie was still on her mission to be a better woman for Anika as well as for herself. "I'm so happy that you came to support me tonight, Cookie. Thank you."

"You're welcome. And if you want some support in that bathtub, Ms. Calhoun…" Cookie added with a wink.

Anika could hardly believe it. Sex twice in the same day? There were times when the two didn't have sex twice in the same _month_. Between the now-necessary lubricant, the early-onset menopause and Cookie's fear that she would urinate on herself or Anika, Cookie's self-consciousness about her body had morphed into self-loathing. But with Cookie's therapy group, an array of sex toys and the occasional female-friendly porn flick ( _"There's porn on the internet?"_ Cookie asked innocently), the two of them managed to make it work. "I would _love_ some support in the bathtub, Ms. Lyon."

Because of Cookie's medications and overall exhaustion, Anika was largely limited to heavy petting, skilled finger work and toys with a very low vibration setting. Still, their lovemaking was very intimate and exciting, and Anika enjoyed it as much as Cookie. "You gonna come for me, Cookie?" Anika asked seductively, watching her slick fingers disappear and reappear as Cookie's hips rocked back and forth. "You gonna come for your Kitten? Hmm?"

"Yes...ooh, I'm gonna…right there – oh, God! _I'm coming, Anika!"_ Anika loved to watch Cookie have an orgasm, and she held Cookie until she finally came down from her high. Moments later, Anika was gasping and gripping the bed sheets as Cookie worked her magic with her fingers and tongue. They would probably never go back to their strap-on anywhere-but-the-bedroom kind of sex, but they'd come a long way from the days when Anika couldn't even touch Cookie from the waist down. "Yes! _Yes!_ Oh, I love you, Cookie!"

Bliss-filled and satisfied, Anika was nearly asleep when she remembered something. _Damn!_ As carefully as she could, Anika untangled herself from Cookie's arms as carefully as she could, but the minute her feet touched the floor, Cookie woke up. "You forgot your affirmations?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Guilty." Anika kissed Cookie on her cheek. "I'll be back up here in a minute."

The affirmations were Desiree's suggestion, which came from a therapist that Desiree began to see when the love of her life didn't want to raise an autistic child. Each day, Cookie and Anika were to write five things that they were grateful for, no matter how small. Cookie wrote sporadically, but Anika never forgot to write hers. Those five things she wrote about every day were sometimes the only things Anika had to cling to when things got so dark that she could only bite down on a pillow and scream. And who knew what the future held?

There was no pen in the lamp stand or on the counter. Anika rummaged around the living room and kitchen, to no avail. She would have to go back upstairs unless Cookie had one in her purse, which she did. Tucked outside of the pen cap was a little white card with her name on the back. Anika turned it over, read it and became so dizzy that she nearly fainted. It was the number of a divorce attorney.

"Anika?"

When Cookie learned that her cancer had spread even after her hysterectomy and chemotherapy, she informed Anika that if Anika did not file for divorce should Cookie become terminally ill, Cookie would file for one. "I won't file, Cookie," Anika promised. "And my hand to God, Cookie, I'll fight you every step of the way if you try to divorce me."

"What, until I die?" Cookie asked irritably. "Will you be happy then?"

Devastated, Anika had to acquiesce the fact that fighting Cookie during that time would probably kill her. "Just don't do me like Lucious did you," Anika pleaded. "Please tell me first. Don't let me find out in the mail, Cookie."

" _Anika?"_

Cookie promised that she would, but here Anika was with a card to a divorce lawyer with her name on it. _For God's sake, we've only been married for five weeks!_ Was Cookie tired of their marriage already? Or was there something that Cookie knew that Anika didn't know, like back when she was first diagnosed? _How could she do this to me?_

 _"_ _ **ANIKA!"**_

Even with a shattered heart, Anika maintained her perfect debutante poise, walking back upstairs by autopilot. "Yes, Cookie?" Only the tight fist containing the pen, gripped like a knife, gave Anika's emotions away. _You promised, Cookie, you promised..._

"I just remembered." Cookie sat up, still lost in the afterglow from their lovemaking. "This guy came up to me when I was leaving and told me he has some stuff that you might want to take a look at. His cousin or somebody was in the Negro Leagues – I think he played a few games against Dickey. I didn't want to give him your number, so I took his card and told him you'd give him a call if you were interested." She smiled apologetically. "I know I shouldn't have done that, but I was in a hurry 'cause…y'know." Cookie gestured to her pelvic area.

"His card? Like a business card?"

"Right. Some hotshot divorce lawyer. Dude talked my ear off, so be ready." Cookie yawned. "Be sure to grab that card of my purse while you're down there, okay? I don't want to forget in the morning and throw it away." Cookie pulled the covers back over her head before Anika made her way downstairs and slid to the ground, weeping with relief.

* * *

Much to Cookie's annoyance, Anika wrote her affirmations in Swedish. Sometimes, Anika had to strain herself to find five things to be grateful for, but she did it every night. On nights like this, however, Anika had to narrow them down.

 _1\. This morning & tonight - WOW!_ Nothing more to be said about that in any language.  
2\. _Malcolm & Dez – new baby in New York! _After rejecting Cookie's offer ("I don't want Lucious Lyon signing my checks" Malcolm balked), Lucious called Malcolm to reason with him."You have a God-given talent, Malcolm," Lucious encouraged, "and you could be making twice as much money in just a few hours & spend more time with your family. But go ahead and be a fool if you want to." Malcolm seethed for days, but he had to admit that Lucious was right. As soon as school let out, the DeVeauxs were moving to New York.  
3\. _Oscar noms! #TeamHolloway_ Everybody knew that "Stand Alone" was going to win Best Original Song, but the documentary was a long shot. Anika didn't dare to think about it, though. _It's just an honor to be nominated,_ she'd said over and over at the movie premiere. Anika never realized how true that was until now.  
4\. _NLHOF?_ The petitioning for Dickey's stats to be reviewed so he could possibly be inducted into the Negro League Hall of Fame was picking up serious steam. Anika would gladly trade in her Grammy, her Oscar nod and anything else she could to see Dickey take his rightful place in the Hall.

Anika never wrote the fifth affirmation until morning. "You cold?" Cookie asked when Anika came back upstairs and climbed back into bed. "Your body is shaking."

"Thought I heard something downstairs," Anika lied. Writing her affirmations always made Anika feel much better, but she still saw that little white card.

Cookie reached over and turned the lamp back on. She wasn't buying it, and redness in Anika's eyes combined with her hoarse voice confirmed Cookie's hunch. "What's wrong, Anika?"

There was no use trying to be calm anymore. "I'm scared, Cookie," Anika confessed. "About tomorrow."

"Ah. I see." Cookie had long made her peace with the situation. The hysterectomy hadn't stopped the cancer from spreading, and neither did the chemotherapy. Maybe the radiotherapy had caught it all, maybe not. All Cookie could do was make the best of her time while she was still here.

"Cookie…" Anika took a few deep breaths before plunging on. "Look, I know I'm not the one going through all this treatment. And I wouldn't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

 _"_ Anika-" Cookie began, having made up her mind about tomorrow's visit and its repercussions.

"But are you really going to stop getting treatment if the radiotherapy didn't work?" Anika's voice became higher, her words faster.

"Anika-"

"17 years in prison, Cookie!" Anika's eyes filled with tears. "You fought that! But you won't fight this? You just going to _leave_ me?"

"Anika!" Cookie had already endured one pep talk from Malcolm, which was half encouraging ("you've been through worse than this and survived") and half bullying ("never thought I'd see the day Cookie Holloway was scared of something"). She had no intentions of sitting through a second one. "If the radiotherapy didn't work and the doctors have another way of dealing with this thing, I'll do it." Cookie pulled Anika into her arms. "And I'm _never_ going to leave you, because you never left me. Not even when I tried to make you leave."

Anika wasn't convinced. The words were just a little too slick, as if Cookie had been practicing them over the past couple of hours. "Promise me, Cookie," Anika said, sitting up and looking Cookie straight in the eye. "Right now. No refusing treatment, no divorces, _nothing_. I stay by your side until the end."

Although it was a little too slowly for Anika's tastes, Cookie nodded. "I promise, Kitten. You have my word as a Holloway." Anika could see in her wife's eyes that Cookie wasn't lying. She hugged Cookie long and hard, and Cookie kissed her temple. "Now go to sleep, okay? I love you, Anika."

"I love you, too, Cookie. Good night."

"Good night, Kitten."

Anika tried to sleep, but her mind was racing. There was too much good news to digest, and nobody to digest it with. Anika waited until she was sure Cookie was asleep, then snuck back downstairs. For the first time ever, Anika would break her tradition of waiting until morning to write her final affirmation.

Anika pulled her diary back out and flipped to the page she'd just written on, smiling as she'd read over the words. The documentary, the beautiful song by her beautiful wife's beautiful sons, Malcolm and Desiree's baby boy, the celebration of Dickey's memory – God, Anika hoped that Dickey and Dutch were looking down from heaven and smiling!

 _ **"Anika!"**_ Cookie was looking down from the bedroom and definitely _not_ smiling. Anika hadn't even been downstairs for two minutes, and here Cookie was hollering like Anika breaking curfew. "Yes, Mother?" she called sarcastically.

"How much shit are you affirming tonight?" Cookie demanded from their bedroom. "You know a bitch like me needs her beauty sleep. Hurry up!"

"Okay, okay!" Giggling, Anika quickly scrawled the exact same sentence that she wrote every single day, word for word, as her fifth and final affirmation: _Cookie är fortfarande här, och hon älskar mig fortfarande._ Anika kissed the pages of her diary, closed it and put it away, then dashed up the stairs to a pouting Cookie. "You get out of this bed one more time and I'ma spank you," she threatened playfully.

Anika leaned over and lifted Cookie's chin. "Say 'I promise.'"

"Keep it up and I will." Cookie playfully bit Anika's finger.

The two of them were still laughing when Cookie turned off the lights. _I must be out of my mind,_ Anika thought as she snuggled close to her wife with a smile on her face. Leave her? _Divorce_ her? Cookie could barely sleep without Anika next to her. More importantly, Cookie had given Anika her word. If Cookie said that she would continue treatment, Cookie would continue treatment. Anika had no doubt of that.

Anika had no idea what was going to happen when they went to see the doctor. Maybe Dr. Logan would say that the last of Cookie's cancer cells were gone. Maybe it would be another round of chemotherapy. Maybe – and Anika had to accept this in her heart – maybe the cancer was too far gone, and Anika's role in Cookie's life would be to minimize her suffering until she eventually succumbed to the disease. But no matter what the doctors said tomorrow, Anika knew that as long as Cookie and she both lived, Anika's fifth affirmation – the exact same sentence that she wrote every single day, word for word - would never change.

 _Cookie is still here, and she still loves me._

END


End file.
